Chatter Among Planeswardens

“And listen, listen! I finally got the scoop on the Council’s latest plans!”

Among the crowds at the cafeteria, in between fights with the Omnisoda machine and the ice cream machine, Hiroki couldn’t help but mop the floors a little closer to the gaggle of rank and file Planeswardens huddling up and chattering among themselves. Sure, he could pay attention to someone putting a bit of every soda in their cup to create the legendary Omnisoda… Or maybe worry about that one guy lifting a vending machine in an attempt to get free Cheetos. However, he didn’t really get much of a chance to learn about the Planeswardens inner workings aside from people spilling the beans during break time.

“Sooooo,” said a girl with a head of a parakeet, flapping her wings excitedly as she brought her two friends together. “I heard a lot of things, you know! And one of those things I heard was about The Council finding a pilot for that weird dog robot we fought a few years ago!”

One of her friends, a bulky man with the horns of a ram, backed off, eyes wide with fear. “Y-you mean they’re actually going to shove one of us in Fenrir? What in the world are they thinking?! I hope I’m not chosen or anything!”

The girl beside him, one with several spidery eyes, placed a long, willowy finger on Ram man’s lips and hissed, “Shush, you! Nobody else is supposed to know this!” All of her eyes turned towards the parakeet girl as she asked, “And? What else is there to this, Yanda?”

Yanda’s beady eyes lit up as she leaned in closer and closer, enough that Hiroki had to stay much closer than he was comfortable with to hear what she was saying. “Iii heard that there’s a whole bunch of candidates, most of them picked by Ivan! Some, Aurelis picked… and then there’s whatever wild card Duer has in mind!”

Spider girl tilted her head to the side, her finger sliding down Ram man’s chin. “A wild card? How strange. Why would they need a wild card when Fenrir itself is a wild card? We don’t know how they’ll react with a new pilot, especially after awakening.”

“B-besides,” Ram man added with a large frown, “can we really trust Duer? I mean, his sect messed up big time a few years ago… Earth Planeswardens aren’t exactly, well, you know..”

Quickly, Yanda turned her head towards him, puffing her feathers up so she was much, much larger than him as she screeched, “Are you telling me they aren’t reliable? Huh? Is that it? Over one incident? Excuse me? You haven’t seen an incident happen like that again in their sect, have you, huh? HAVE YOU?” The ram man seemed- no, WAS tiny in comparison to Yanda, slumping over and mumbling something under his breath. Yanda shrunk down to her normal size before she continued with a huff, “I’m more suspicious of Ivan, anyway. Recently, he’s been a bit distant from the other Council members, and while his sect is thriving, there’s rumors that he’s artificially inflating those incident numbers to make himself look good. He has a perfect record… Too perfect, I’d say. I mean, what sect doesn’t have a screw up now and then?”

“I suppose you have a point there,” said Spider girl, reaching out for her drink and taking a few sips before pushing it away. “There has been tension between The Council as of late, namely due to those vigilante groups that have cropped up in each sect. Magus and his allies say that it’s better to work in tandem with them, while Ivan and friends prefer to keep to themselves, since they can cause more problems than its worth and are not to be trusted.”

Ram man took a deep breath, gathering the courage to say, “Well, okay, but um… that still doesn’t answer the question about the wild card. Any clues, Yanda? Shikla?”

Shikla drummed her fingers on her cheek, tilting her head to the other side as she closed her eyes. “If I were to take a guess, the wild card is someone who doesn’t have any allegiance to either Magus or Ivan. A neutral party who can act according to his own morals, without any ties to the politics happening here, and could step in in case something nasty happens between the two. Probably someone who isn’t a Planeswarden proper, maybe a mercenary who at least knows what they do.”

Yanda happily chirped in, “Maybe it’ll be one of those guys in that vigilante group! Can you imagine, a big ol’ praying mantis piloting Fenrir? Oooh, it’d be like a dream come true!”

“I’d sooner see one piloting those Aerogater replicas than piloting a dog,” Shikla replied with a snort. Even as Hiroki mopped the floor, he felt all of her eyes fall on him. Slowly he turned, his eyes meeting hers as she steepled her many fingers. “Oho, don’t think I didn’t notice you leaning in there, Mr. Janitor,” she said in a sickly sweet voice. “Eavesdropping on us is hardly becoming of you.”

Hiroki stared at her for a moment before he shrugged and said with a timid smile, “Guess I was caught red handed, huh?”

Yanda turned towards him, looking at him before she extended her wing and shoved him into the group, forcing him to take a seat with them. “Come on, then!” she said cheerfully. “If you wanted in, you could have just said something! Not everyone gets the chance to hear some juicy deets!”

“B-but won’t he get in trouble?” asked Ram man, twiddling his thumbs, his eyes darting across the room for any sign of other eavesdroppers. “Th-this is confidential information, and if they find out…”

“First, Andy,” Yanda said as she waved him off, “I’d be the one to get in trouble. And second, who’s gonna believe I was spilling confidential info? I’m so innocent and sweet and cute, to boot! I’m like Diadem, except I’m not an elf and my wardrobe is severely lacking!”

“And you’re not marrying Mr. Lazy Bones,” Shikla adds as she takes another sip of soda. “Though, I suppose he’s not entirely lazy. Now, new best friend-” her eyes turned towards Hiroki again, a smile spreading across her face that he couldn’t tell was sincere or devious - “what else would you like to know? Yanda here knows quite a bit, so ask away!”

Hiroki gulped. He wasn’t exactly used to being in the middle of a bunch of Planeswardens. Well, sitting next to them, at least. He was always fixing things or cleaning up after them, not really mingling with them. It was kind of isolating: there they were, with magic and alien technology and all these other things so many people on Earth thought didn’t exist, with powers that could take down inter-dimensional threats with ease. And then there was him: a normal guy, from a normal college, with the usual college debt, with nothing special about him aside from his impressive Pokemon Trading Card collection. Hardly anyone said anything to him, least aside from his Boss. So to be thrust in the middle of a bunch of aliens who welcomed him was a bit jarring.

Still, he shoved those anxieties right into the closet, put on his best fake smile, and said, “Well, I’d like to know more about those candidates! They must be pretty spectacular guys to be considered by Ivan, of all people!”

“Ohohoho, of course!” Yanda said as she covered her beak with a wing. “I don’t know all the details here, but mostly, they’re mages. They can control the bot’s mana flow better and make use of its powers easier than just some guy off the block, they say. Some of them are from his own sect, though. Blatant favoritism, but since he’s basically on par with Magus in importance, nobody can really say anything. Then there’s Aurelis’ picks, who are more alien. Says that Fenrir can’t manipulate those they can’t understand, so why not pick someone with morals and motivations that differ from the human race Fenrir annihilated?”

The very thought of an eldritch being piloting a robot sent shivers down Hiroki’s spine. Nervously, he grabbed at his long, black ponytail and started to twirl it around his finger as he said, “That might be just as dangerous, actually. It might be harder to for Fenrir to control, but it’ll be harder for us to control them, too. And what if they drive Fenrir insane? That would cause problems for everyone, wouldn’t it?”

Yanda tilted her head to the side before she let out a sigh. “Maybe, but it’s still worth a shot. Least, that’s what Aurelis thinks.” In a snap, Yanda perked up and raised her wings as she said happily, “And then Duer, our hot doggy dog Duer, oooh, you’ll never guess who he decided to suggest first!”

Shikla smirked. “It’s that big mantis you told us about, isn’t it?”

Andy slumped over, looking away from the trio as he said, “I… I guess maybe Ginocini? He doesn’t really have much of a tie to the Planeswardens as he does to Diadem, and he was a mercenary for a long while…”

“A bunch of space dogs with space helmets and Telekinesis!” Hiroki said cheerfully. “A buncha dogs piloting a big dog, can you imagine? Hired by a meteor dog!” He laughed, though there was a tinge of anxiety in it. He hoped they didn’t know too much-

“Bzzt! Wrong, wrong, wrong! I actually heard from the rumor mill… thaaat… iiit’s gonna be a random janitor!”

Oh, no. They knew too much. He considered telling Duer about this, maybe asking what his real reasoning was behind showing him… Fenrir, was it? But maybe there was no harm in this. It was just three ol Planeswardens, its not like it fell into enemy hands…

Before he could think on it any longer, the trio of aliens heard their phones buzz all at once. They took them out, and Hiroki could see clearly that it was an alarm.

“Oh, shoot, is it Dr. Splitter again?” Yanda said with a groan. “I’m tired of him popping up and splicing animals together. Who needs to see a dog spliced into a mantis shrimp, anyway?”

“I’m more worried about what’ll happen if Mr. Bigglesworth gets to him,” Shikla said with a shudder. “That’s one fight I really don’t want to see.”

“Th-then we should probably hurry up, huh?”

The trio stood up, Yanda facing Hiroki and patting him on the back as she said, “Well, it was nice meeting you, Mr. Janitor, but we gotta split! I’ll try to get more juicy deets for you later, hear? Bye byyyye~”

Hiroki waved at them with a goofy smile on his face, more than eager for them to return. Maybe they’d share tales of their latest fight with Dr. Splitter… or maybe more details about the candidates. Or maybe-

CRASH. Hiroki turned towards the back, a corner of his lip twitching as the one Planeswarden so eager to get a bag of chips, dropped the vending machine on the floor and smashed the glass, taking the one bag of Cheetos that got stuck.

At least he’d have his own little story to tell when the trio got back... right?

Janitors and Robotos and Planeswardens (oh my)

Sweep, sweep, sweep.

Sweeping was all he could do to contain the remains of the party last night and conceal the truth. Not one scrap of confetti should be left on the floor, and the floor must shine like the stars outside of HQ. It was a tedious job, though one he eagerly accepted after promises of a four course meal for a job well done.

Although... even as he stood upon the cleanest part of the floor he had ever seen in his life, simply turning around showed that there was much more work to do, with beer cans littered across the floor,  broken glass sitting in puddles of booze, and crumbs laying out for space mice to enjoy just a slice of the good life.

His smile waivered a little bit, his pride hurt as he stared at the mess. After being hired not too long ago, he never expected an organization like the Planeswardens to have such wild parties. Scratch that: he never expected the damage to be this big. Usually, they were a lot more contained, and people had the sense to clean up after themselves. He would just come in afterwards and find that there wasn't a lot left to do aside from sweep, mop, and buff. Not this time, though. The Janitorial Gods That Be had other plans for Hiroki Kouta.

"Well, least I'll get dinner later!" Hiroki assured himself, steeling as much resolve as he could before he continued his long and tedious job. "And I'll get paid! And, uh..." He scoured his brain for more reasons, only to squeak out, "Boss won't yell at me, I guess?"

It took a full two hours for him to clean up all by himself,  thinking hard about how he got here. When he found out about a job opening that involved fixing things for an office to keep running, he jumped on it like a hyena ready to devour a slab of meat. He begged an editor to help fix up his resume and slapped as many of his mechanic jobs on there as humanly possible. The salary was good enough so that he could actually afford to eat somewhere nice without fucking himself over for rent and groceries. Who wouldn't jump at the opening? The fact that it was actually a job position among the Planeswardens was fantastic, like a dream come true!

Then it turns out, oh. Not only did he have to fix the microwave for whenever a lightning elemental accidently short-circuited it, he'd have to clean it out after someone inevitibly microwaves styrofoam. Lately, it was more cleaning than fixing... And Hiroki was itching to do something other than deal with other people's garbage. Hopping into other dimensions and meeting sylphs... Traveling to another world and meeting aliens... Fighting in a giant robot like-

"Oi!"

"AH!" Hiroki nearly tripped over himself to stand at attention, broom at his side, facing the complete opposite direction of where he heard the voice. When he realized his mistake, he hastily turned around towards the open door, grinning like a dog caught in the act of stealing bagels straight from the toaster oven. "B-boss!" he said, a bead of sweat rolling down his cheek. "I'm not slacking off, I swear! Look, whole place is sparkling clean!"

Whoever came in through that door certainly wasn't the always scowling brunette glaring down at him through his spectacles. Boss wouldn't come clanking in with a bunch of pitch black armor. And he certainly didn't have a head of bright red hair, oh no. "Dunno who the heck your boss is," said the stranger as he scratched at his head, "but they must be damn proud if you managed to clean up this whole place by yourself!" He then looked down at the floor and added, "I can even see myself reflected on the floor, and that takes some doin'!"

For the first time in a long time, Hiroki swelled up with pride. "Well, it is what I do best!" he replied with a geniune smile, placing a hand on the back of his bandana-covered head. "Not even the toughest stains can get past me!"

The knight stood up straight  and grinned back at him with a thumbs up. "Good on ya! I was wondering if anyone actually got to this ballroom yet." His grin shifted to a frown as he continued, "Heard from Robert that things got a little wild in here. Said something about some alien soccer team winning their planet's World Cup."

Hiroki raised an eyebrow and looked over at the garbage bag filled with booze cans, then glanced back at the knight. "I thought they were celebrating the Super Bowl! Was it really just soccer?"

There was an awkward silence between them as the knight slowly raised his eyebrow. He raised his hand to his chin and scratched at it as he said quietly, "Um, the Super Bowl was back in Februrary."

"A-and... what month is it, now?"

"It's April."

Hiroki deflated like a balloon, all his cheer and optimism fading in a blink of an eye. "Shows what I know," he said, setting the broom aside and slouching forward. "It's hard to keep track of time when you're in space."

The knight waved him off. "Don't worry too much about it. All that matters is that the ballroom's clean, just in time for whatever gala Aurelis has planned for the newbies."

"And just in time for me to go home and make, um..." Hiroki thought for a moment before he recalled that his pantry was nearly empty from his latest binge, then sighed. "I guess I'll be making just some dressed up Cup Noodles tonight, huh."

"Cripes, that's rough. Guess I should shake your boss into giving you a higher pay while I'm out and about tryin' to fix the place," the knight grumbled. Hiroki stared at him and watched as the knight's eyes lit up. The knight turned to him with a grin and said, "Can't do much about it now, but how 'bout I show you a lil something to cheer ya up?"

Hiroki had no idea what the heck this something was, but it was bound to be more exciting than waxing the floors. "Sure, why not?" he said with a grin, eager as could be.

He followed the knight out of the door, into the long, dark corridors of the Planeswarden's HQ, the way only lit by the lanterns that lit up as they drew closer to them, then dimmed as they walked past. They passed the kitchen, the cafeteria, the auditorium, and more as they reached the elevator, Hiroki shocked at how quiet it was. Had he really worked on that ballroom til everybody went to bed?

Inside the elevator, the knight pressed the button for the bottommost level, which raised more than a few alarm bells. Moreso when a panel slid up from below the buttons, revealing a scanner. The knight slid the gauntlet off of his right hand and pressed his thumb against it until he heard a click and a beep of approval, the panel sliding to cover it again as he moved his thumb off and slid his gauntlet back on. As the elevator began its descent, Hiroki stared at his companion like he pulled a magic trick right in front of his eyes.

"Who ARE you?" was all he could ask him, baffled.

The Knight only grinned at him and said, "Duer O. Corran. Earth Planeswarden."

The ride would have been a lot smoother if Hiroki wasn't literally standing beside an actual Planeswarden, nevermind a veteran! He heard all about him from eavesdropping on newer members, from his most famous adventures to protect this dimension to him adopting a fairy as his daughter and teaching her how to beat people in fighting games. One of the strongest Planeswardens there is, they all said.

They also said he was actually a meteor dog, but he sure didn't look like one now.

Soon, the elevator stopped, the doors opening wide as Duer stepped out with Hiroki. The janitor's eyes flew wide open at the sight before him:  several small rooms, all containing strange objects and artifacts in reinforced glass. All of them were strange and new to him, almost terrifying. Duer wasn't leading him towards any of those rooms, though: he took a left turn into another corridor, signalling Hiroki to follow.

Duer must have noticed the concerned look on his face, as he said, "Relax, those things aren't going to end you. They're more dangerous if they're in the wrong hands, and we've made sure to idiot-proof the whole place."

"That wouldn't stop someone with special access from getting them and wreaking havoc though, would it?" Hiroki asked. "Wouldn't it be safer to just destroy them?" He placed a hand on his chin, closing his eyes as he thought a little and added, "Or maybe they can't be destroyed, so that's why they're here?"

"You sure catch on quick!" Duer replied with a smile. "You're right: These are all the things we got from all the threats we've faced to protect this plane. We've managed to get rid of some, but the higher brass thinks we can't destroy these ones in particular. Either they're trying to find a way to use it for good, or they're forged out of something we don't know how to break."

"Or they want a stockpile when they go crazy and try to end the world with them?"

Duer blinked, then shrugged. "I mean, if they wanna try, sure. Not that they'd get very far. Whole damn crew would come in trying to paste 'em, Council included. But nevermind that for now."

The duo stopped at a steel door at the end of the corridor,  another thumbprint scanner sitting beside it. One more thumbprint later, and the doors slid open for the duo to walk right in.

With eyes wide open and a slack jaw, Hiroki oggled at the thing before him: a massive wolf-like mecha, standing tall with silver-white armor, a jagged blade at its side and boosters  on its shoulders. Several large cables were connected to it, a blue-green substance flowing into the mecha through several ports.

After several minutes of looking at this thing at all angles, Hiroki said, "Holy shit, this is amazing! It's incredible! It's..." He looked over at Duer with a doofy confused look and asked with a timid grin, "Uh, what really is it? Is it really just a giant robot?"

Duer laughed, patting the janitor on the back as he replied, "It's a giant robot alright! Though, where it's from, it's called a Deus Ex Machina."

Enthusiasm quickly turned to terror as Hiroki broke away from Duer and sputtered, "Wh-what, what?!? There's a GOD in there?"

"We'd be dead if there was," came the blunt reply. "Think of it more as a demi-god: still powerful, less bullshit." Duer sighed, a frown forming on his face as he continued, "In another world, there was war that people thought would never end. Those at the top wanted to end it through any means necessary, so they took those with the most magical power and used them to power the machines, stripping them of everything but their spiritual forms. They brought an end to the war, for sure. A bloody end, as the spirits turned against the pilots and killed them, then used the machines to kill everyone else that stood in their way. We stepped in because we thought they would, unchecked, destroy more than just their own world.

"In the end, we only managed to capture one," Duer groaned. "There are others still around, though we haven't tracked where. Managed to seal this one up, though now the higher brass is talking about making someone pilot it as a countermeasure against more of its own kind."

Hiroki looked up at the mecha, unsure whether to feel terror or pity for the spirit within. Slowly, he turned to Duer with a puzzled look and asked, "So, uh, the reason you brought me here was to see if I could pilot it?"

"More like see if you were interested," Duer replied. "I'm not about to shove you in there without training! Don't even know how the spirit's gonna react after waking up. Maybe it'll be more calm after that nap, or maybe it'll still hate everyone's guts and wish death and destruction upon everyone. Either way, we need someone who wants to do it, and has the willpower to handle it."

A once in a lifetime opportunity, plopping right into his lap? A chance to actually do something beyond janitorial work? A chance to pilot a giant robot?!? Hiroki's eyes sparkled, his heart burning with passion as he shouted, "Of course I'm interested! I gotta pilot the robot! I just gotta!"

Duer snorted at first, then broke out into a chuckle at his friend's enthusiasm. "Now that's what I'd like to hear! I'll mention that to my bosses: we have a few canidates already, but doesn't hurt to have another." There was a slight pause as Duer's cheerfullness waivered, a nervous look creeping over his face. "Uh, I never DID ask for your name, did I?" he asked awkwardly, scratching at the back of his head.

"Huh? Oh, well, no, but it's Hiroki. Hiroki Kouta. Nice to meetcha!" Hiroki extended a hand out for a handshake, and found that Duer's handshake powers were not to be underestimated, what with that firm grip threatening to break his bones. As the two turned to leave and closed the door behind them, Hiroki said, "I guess I have more to look forward to than just a four course meal! Though I guess everything that happened here never happened, right?"

"Yeah, don't spill the beans to anyone," Duer said with a nod. "As far as everyone else is concerned, this never happened. If you do..." Hiroki saw one of Duer's eyes glow dark red, an odious feeling in the air as the knight said, "I'd have to kill you."

When he finally returned to his dorm that night, Hiroki wasn't sure if he couldn't sleep because of terror or excitement.

Least there was something to look forward to, for once.

A Talk Between Bandits

"Woah, woah, woah, wait! B-bandit raids? Here?!?"

Neither Yin nor Jiang were so happy to get spittle all over his face as Ning shouted with a mouth full of fish, her one good eye wide with shock.

Jiang sighed, slouching in front of the fire, watching the rest of the fish cook on sticks as he replied, "Yeah, there's been news about another town that got raided outright. There's only a handful of survivors, one of which is hanging out at my hometown. It's likely that they'll try to raid it, considering we've got a lot going for us right now."

"But Boss, they can't be THAT stupid! There's patrols everywhere now!" said Ning, this time after she finished gnawing angrily on the remains of her fish. "Not only that, even they must have heard the story about a Chimera here! And us, too!"

Yin placed a paw on his chin, closing his eyes as he said, "Probably not. We do make an effort not to be seen and recognized." He opened one eye and frowned, watching the fire crackle underneath the cover of tree branches. "I do wonder why they would raid anything, given that Lord Zhung's royal guard are patrolling the paths."

"Because they don't give a shit." Ning and Yin turned towards their boss, curious as he straightened up and looked them straight in the eye. "Any thief or bandit or whatever who would brazenly murder almost an entire town in broad daylight simply don't give a shit about the consequences. Hell, they might even be confident that they could kick the Royal Guard's ass. It's a power play: maybe they think that if they raid a few towns and burn them to the ground, it'll make people piss themselves when their names come up and throw money and tributes at 'em to keep them as far away from 'em as possible."

The trio fell silent for a few minutes, pondering the grim possibilities of a bandit group gone wild over a meal of cooked fish. It wasn't hard for Jiang to tell how they felt, especially as Yin snapped and chewed on fish bones with a growl and Ning grumbling something under her breath. He couldn't blame them: not only did they make it even harder for them to get money, there was so much needless death and destruction.

After all the fish were devoured, Ning cleared her throat and asked, "Hey, Boss. Do we even have a clue who their leader is? Maybe it's someone we know, and we can maybe talk 'em down! Or shank his shins or something!"

"Not a damn clue," Jiang replied with a sigh, grabbing a nearby bucket of water to douse the fire out. "A friend of mine spoke to that survivor, but that guy couldn't remember if there was anyone who stood out. And I'm not about to go and shake him down for answers after dealing with that shit."

"All the more reason to keep guard around here, then," said Yin as he crossed his arms and glanced around the forest and looked back towards the cave he called home. "We are keeping quite a bit of stuff here, and with both the Royal Guard and Bandits to worry about, it's important to keep our earnings safe." He turned toward Jiang, eyebrow raised, as he asked, "But we can't rule out the possibility of it being someone we know, can we?"

"Yeah, Boss, we can't!" Ning said, standing up and balling her hands into fists. "It could be anyone! Heck, it could even be Tao Liu!"

Yin's eyes narrowed as Jiang grit his teeth and glared. Jiang's blood boiled with anger as he recalled Tao Liu standing near a caravan they targeted, his hands and sword slick with the blood of guards and merchants that stood against them. That same blade carved into another guard without a single shred of mercy. Corpses littered around them, the dying crying out for mercy... and that sickening grin plastered on Tao's face.

"I did such a good job putting down these guards, Boss," Tao said as he plunged the blade into another guard to cease his cries. "Now there's no one to  say a word of our little crime. Maybe I deserve a bigger share of the goods for such a job well done!"

After a minute, Jiang said quietly, "You're right: we can't rule it out. It could very well be Tao, but we don't know that for sure. We don't even know where their hideout is. All we can do right now is hope for a good chance to get the jump on 'em and shake down as many answers as we can from 'em." He avoided Ning's gaze, rubbing at his neck again as he mumbled, "Fuck me if it's Tao, though. That's one problem I didn't bother to take care of..."

Yin placed a paw on Jiang's shoulder and shook his head. "Don't kick yourself over it too much," he said with a small frown. "The whole situation back then was tricky. If we hadn't retreated when we did, not only would we have been convicted of a crime we didn't commit, those guards who almost died to him would have bled out. It was more important to you that they lived than Tao died." As Jiang slumped a little, Yin added, "There was no way you could have known it would turn out that badly, so I'd rather you'd take pride in what little good you did manage than the mistakes that you made, my dear Boss."

"Besides..." Ning popped her head off and leaned on Jiang's shoulder awkwardly with a grin. "If it's Tao, that means you get to beat him to a pulp for real! And I get to shoot him in the face, and Yin gets to eat him!"

"As if I'd have such terrible tastes as to eat a lowlife like him," Yin snorted.

Jiang smiled a little bit, turning towards his friends and replying with, "Well, I guess that's one way to put it. Either way, we should take care of it somehow, ya know?"

"And be the big damn heroes we wanna be and be showered with money and love and praise?" Ning grinned wider as she rolled off Jiang's shoulder and back into her body's hands, screwing her head right back in place. "Hell yeah, I'm all in, Boss!"

"I already get enough love and praise from my family, but a little more can't hurt, can it?" Yin added with a cheeky grin of his own. "Do be kind and let us know about their movements, Boss. Especially if they are going to target your home!"

"Pffft. As if they'd actually mess with Boss's home, Yin. I mean, he's the Boss for a reason!"

Jiang would have appreciated that bit of praise a little more, had he not seen the plume of red smoke rising into the sky, in the direction of his very own hometown. All of his cheer and happiness faded, replaced with a stern glare and a growl. Ning and Yin were both confused, at least until they saw the smoke and saw their own boss dashing towards it.

"Aw, man! I spoke way too soon!" Ning cried, heading into the cave to grab her bow and quiver of arrows before dashing after Jiang. "Yin, come on! We got work to do!"

Normally, Jiang would tell them to stay back. They weren't exactly welcome into human society... but he honestly welcomed the help. Even if he didn't, they would have forced their way into helping, anyhow.

Hopefully, they wouldn't be too late...

New Year's Demon

The light of the full moon shined in through the window, illuminating the small room more than the blue fire candles could. Each candle sat at the tips of the pentagram, the sigil made not with the blood of man, but with the ashes of those who fell against the great evils of the world, those who would give their whole lives to the cause. Lavender incense filled the room, ready to soothe the inevitably angry demon that would burst forth from this ritual. Everything was set, everything was ready…

Well, except for the fact that the summoner was called away, leaving MAGIC to watch over it in her stead. “Don’t try to summon it without me,” Tamia said before she left, waggling a finger at the donut-munching kitsune. “It is far too dangerous for someone like yourself! Wait until I return, alright?”

That was about, say, an hour ago. One full hour. And there was only one full hour until the New Year, according to MAGIC’s handy-dandy tablet. She prepped for this by buying as many donuts as she could with her meager allowance, ready to share them under the light of fireworks, but… Well, now she’s here, getting crumbs all over the sigil. Not like it’d make a major difference, right?

She tried all sorts of ways to distract herself: transforming into various Kobbers, playing as many mobile games she could on her tablet, watching cute dog videos… By the time she was done, it was 10 minutes to 12, and Tamia still hadn’t returned. And she was the one who emphasized that this ritual HAD to be done at 12 on New Years. Too early, and the demon wouldn’t even come. Too late, someone else might have summoned him.

“Well, someone could have summoned him at midnight in Japan, and we’d still be in a pinch!”

Sadly, Tamia did not listen to MAGIC’s sound logic. Maybe because her brain exploded. Maybe. Either way, MAGIC stared at the sigil, looked back at the time, looked at the sigil, and did some finishing touches. If a demon’s gonna come out of it, it’d be rude not to leave an offering of a donut in the middle, right? Hopefully, they like chocolate!

5 minutes. No Tamia. MAGIC peered out the window, hoping to see any sign of her. What kind of errand was Tamia on, anyway? Must be important if she was gone this long.

4 minutes. She couldn’t wait any longer: the young kitsune placed her toes at the edge of the sigil and began to channel magic into it, a dim red light emitting from the sigil and slowly becoming brighter.

3 minutes. She didn’t really know what, exactly, Tamia was chanting when she did her summons, but MAGIC sure tried her best to copy it. Demons love chants, apparently.

2 minutes. The sigil’s light lit the whole room, the moon’s light now tinged a blood red. The flames on the candles danced feverishly, MAGIC still chanting under her breath. 1 minute, she could feel the mana all around her, all the power swirling, seeking an out. It was this power that would serve as the conduit for a demon’s arrival. 30 seconds, Tamia is all but forgotten as the whole room shook around the little kitsune. It reminded her of the Halloween House, and, for a moment, she wished she was summoning Samhain instead.

10 seconds. MAGIC broke into a sweat. Could she do it? Could she summon the fabled Even-Yeared demon? She opened her mouth, unsure of herself. Tamia was the one who did these things, not her. Tamia wasn’t here, though. She was just a worse Tamia, wasn’t she?

Maybe. But someone had to do it, for the safety of their village, of their home.

“From the depths of Relgion,” MAGIC boomed, steeling her nerve and shoving her fears back as best she could, “I summon thee, Satoshi Nakamura, the Five-Eyed!”

The magical power surged right at midnight, lightning crackling all around MAGIC. It was only for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity before it finally dissipated, revealing a man in the middle of the circle. His long, brown hair flowed behind him as a cold wind passed them by, putting out the candles around the sigil. Slowly, he opened his eyes, staring at the one who beckoned him to this plane.

“From the depths of Relgion, I have come,” he said slowly, his gaze piercing through her very being. “For what purpose have you summoned me?”

MAGIC didn’t say anything for the longest time. She didn’t even notice his irritated look. Slowly, she raised a clawed finger up at his head, the biggest grin spreading on her face as she spoke at last.

“You have a donut on your head!” was possibly the worst way to greet a demon you summoned, especially accompanied with a fit of laughter. “Oh wow, I put a donut on the sigil cuz I thought you’d be hungry but it’s on your head, oh my gosh ahahaha”

The demon stared at her before plucking the donut off of his head and taking a bite out of it. Then stared some more.

After a pregnant pause, he said, “It’s an unusual way to greet a demon.”

“I thought it was the best way,” MAGIC said, crossing her arms and huffing. “Everybody likes food. What kinda demon doesn’t come over for food?”

“Surprisingly many,” Satoshi admitted after taking another bite of his snack. “They would rather come for power. But I digress.” He looked her in the eyes, his tone serious as he said, “I ask again, for what purpose have you summoned me?”

MAGIC gulped, but she tried her best to hide her fear. Demons can smell your fear… Maybe? Or maybe that was dogs? “Uh, um, I summoned you to… uh, help me sample this bakery’s goods?”

The demon quirked an eyebrow. “Truly? One usually does not summon a demon for such.”

“Hey, they’re devilishly good!” MAGIC retorted… though really, she just blurted the first thing that came to mind. “Bound to trigger all seven of your sins or your money back!”

The way Satoshi stared at her made her feel uncomfortable. Was he judging her? Was he mad? She couldn’t tell, as he had a perfect poker face. He stared for the longest time. She stared back, and realized something: he only had two eyes. Where were the other three?

Finally, he closed his eyes and said, “As much as you’d wish it to be the case, I know that is not why you called for me.” Her eyes widened as he continued, “I see your fear, clear as day. It is the same fear most summoners have upon their first true summon. They call upon a force that’s hardly their own, something they cannot control, something with their own thoughts and feelings. That very force could be capricious, demand more than what the summoner can give, twist the summoner’s desires into something more foul, more in line with their way of thinking. A force stronger than your own is keener to manipulate things to their own ends than to aid you in your quest.

“That fear stops most from summoning, but others, like yourself…” Satoshi raised a hand and pointed at MAGIC as he continued, “there is always something motivating you to move past such fears. A reason far stronger than a date for donuts.” He opened his eyes again, and, quietly, he asked, “So once more, I ask of you… For what purpose did you summon me?”

Was it possible to be afraid of being afraid so openly? MAGIC wasn’t sure. She struggled to think of something, anything…

With a heavy sigh, she replied, “I… I need you to protect my friends, my family… Everyone on Chengde.” Her thoughts flashed back to a time of blood and flame, her own people dying before her very eyes as they fought the hordes of demons the Black Witch conjured, Tamia grabbing her and whisking her away before the demons could claim her. “I lost a lot of friends and family before… not only me, but so many other people, too. I don’t want anyone else to suffer like that, not anymore. But I…” Her eyes began to water, her throat throbbing with pain as she forced herself to say, “I don’t know if I can do it alone! So please…”

It was strange. From how Morgan and Tamia explained it, MAGIC feared that she had summoned a cackling demon that demanded much for his help, like blood and sacrifice. So to see the demon she summoned smile gently at her and hold out his hand… It was a little weird. Morgan did say that not all demons were all blood and gore, so maybe MAGIC should have expected this more.

“I understand,” Satoshi said. “I shall protect all you hold dear, and in turn, I ask for home, food, and drink. If that is enough, then take my hand, and seal our contract.”

She hesitated a little as she held out her hand… then grasped his hand firmly, suddenly filled with resolve.

“I, MAGIC, hereby make a contract with you, Satoshi!” she said, though it sounded a little stiff. She cleared her throat and tried again, “You and I are gonna be best buds and kick some butt! And eat everything on the mainland! And then some!”

Satoshi’s smile faded just a little bit into concern. “Um, surely not in one day… correct?”

“Maybe in one day, if I’m really hungry. Maybe not if I ate a giant Thanksgiving spirit beforehand, though! Man, those are pretty filling!”

If Satoshi wasn’t shocked before, he was now. “You ate a what?”

“Oooh, that’s a good story! Well, it all started when Krampus-“

Before MAGIC could go too deep into her embellishment of the Big Bad Turkie Day, the door behind her creaked open as she heard someone say, “Sorry I’m late, MAGIC! I’m ready to perform the ritual-“

MAGIC turned around and saw Tamia with an armful of groceries. Groceries that she just dropped as her cheer turned into fear. The young kitsune looked over at Satoshi, then realized she was still holding his hand… and let go just to attempt some patty cake. Unfortunately, it was impossible to play patty cake with someone with a donut in one hand, one that he was casually finishing off.

Tamia stared and stared and stared… and then…

“MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!”

The Christmas Party

“S-so when we got there, we met up with a lot of kindly demons and devils! One of them even gave me a slice of Devil’s Cake!”

Satoshi’s pointed ears pricked up as Renais wriggled with joy in her seat, flapping her arms in the air like she would take off into the skies at any moment. His eyes lit up with curiosity, watching the girl on the other side of the screen as she took out several brochures from Occult Appreciation Day.

“They talked about all sorts of things,” she continued cheerfully, holding up the brochures in a way Satoshi could actually read them. “Curses, the differences between devils and demons, spirits… There was just so much stuff! And I also bought a lot of things, like… Um, hold on…” The demon quirked an eyebrow as Renais pulled out a suitcase from under her bed and dropped it on top, hastily flipping it open. His eyes widened at the sheer amount of things that popped out: several talismans and charms, a few crystals, and what he thought looked like a very blurry picture of a sea dragon peeking out from the surface of the water.

After a minute of gawking and watching Renais dig through the massive pile, Satoshi cleared his throat and said, “Um, it is good to see you so… enthused about the occult, but isn’t this a bit too much?”

The demon turned several shades of pale when Renais replied cheerfully, “Oh, no! This isn’t much at all, compared to what Sumireko bought! She bought TWO UFO pictures, Mr. Nakamura! Two!”

Unable to argue back, Satoshi simply watched Renais show off her new collection of occult items, his shock eventually giving way to a small smile. It was merely a few days since the two started talking again, after he had put up with a surge of people trying to murder him. Listening to the little magical girl get excited about so many things, like her favorite anime and the new cute dog she saw on the Vegas strip, was a pleasant break from watching his back for an ambush and making sure his transformations looked nothing like his usual self. Being so wary of everything was exhausting… so any amount of joy he could enjoy secondhand was like a cool breeze on a sweltering summer day.

Several explanations of each talisman she bought later, Renais relaxed in her seat, yawning loudly before she asked him, “So, what are you doing for Christmas?”

Satoshi stared at her for a couple of moments before it clicked. “Oh, the gift-giving holiday?” he said, though for a moment, he felt a little stupid. “I’m not quite sure. You do recall that we don’t particularly celebrate that here in Relgion, do you?”

“I know, but you know about it, so I thought…” Renais looked away from him, twirling a curl of hair around her finger. “I thought maybe you’d be interested in celebrating or something!”

‘Celebrating gift-giving when I can hardly go out without worrying about my enemies?’ was his first thought, his entire body tensing up. ‘When I hardly have enough money to care for myself, nevermind others?’ A pang of guilt followed those thoughts, the demon slumping in his seat. Why should he let his foes keep him from celebrating anything? And even if he couldn’t get anyone a gift, perhaps the greatest gift of all was merely his presence and friendship?

With that in mind, Satoshi straightened up and replied, “I should be able to. Though, did you have something in mind?”

Renais’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “Then, why not come over to Cian’s place? We’re gonna have a big feast and everything! We’re inviting a lot of friends, like Scarlet, Tina, some Kobbers, and more!” Slowly, her expression grew dim as a realization dawned on her. “W-wait, if we did that, we’d have to warp to Relgion, wouldn’t we?” she asked, shrinking in her chair. “Just remembered you can’t be summoned in… you know, odd numbered years…”

Satoshi blinked for a moment, reaching out for a cup of coffee on his cluttered desk and taking a long sip. A sly smile grew on his face as he set the cup down, his eyes meeting Renais’. “Oh, that won’t be an issue,” he said. “Summoning me won’t pose a problem, certainly not for the likes of Cian.”

“W-what?” Renais stared at him, dumbfounded. “But they all say you can’t be summoned on these years! You only show up in even-numbered years, so I thought…!”

“True, a majority of my appearances happen during such years,” Satoshi admitted as he took another sip of coffee. “I’ve made sure to bury what little exceptions there were away, and keep such exceptions to a minimum. After all…” He couldn’t resist breaking out into a mischievous grin as he said, “How else would such a small rumor become truth to the Overworld?”

There was a sharp gasp from Renais as her hand flew to her mouth. “You mean, you… you made that up?!”

“In plainer terms, yes.” The grin faded slowly as he continued, “It was the only way I could manage to avoid summoning attempts from people every single year, nevermind from Kuroma of all people.” He slumped back in his seat, staring at the ceiling and groaning. “You wouldn’t know true suffering until the one you despise most summoned you to their side each and every day, just barely finding a way to worm out of their grasp and escape to the world you call home.”

“The closest I’ve got to that was watching a train wreck of an anime,” Renais admitted with a meek smile. “B-but anyway, I understand, I think. I’ll let Cian know, and we can prep! Though, uh, those guys that are chasing you are gonna be really mad, huh?”

Satoshi sat up straight and shrugged. “I’ll find a way to deal with them, one way or another. Perhaps Scarlet would appreciate the bounties on their heads, along with the thrill of the fight.”

The magical girl nodded, smiling at him like an angel. That smile was quickly wiped off her face when there was a loud CRASH, the sound of glass shattering, and the collective sound of Prinnies going, “AWWWW, DOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!”

“Oh dear, I think we might have a problem,” Renais said, all her cheer fading into dread. “Um, before we end the call, do you think maybe we could watch something tomorrow? Maybe play an MMO? Something?”

“Perhaps, but you should probably take care of that issue first.”

With one quick nod from Renais and a wave goodbye, the camera screen went black, and all that was left was a plain ol’ chat client. The demon sighed and pushed himself away from the desk, standing up to stretch as far as he could. Slowly, he walked towards the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. The man that stared back was ragged, with wild hair that reached down to his feet, clothes stained with blood and torn where they shouldn’t be, and dark circles under his eyes that couldn’t be cured with the power of caffeine. Was this truly the person Renais wanted to bring to her party? Could he afford to go like this?

He forced his self-doubt and fear away, quickly hurrying to the computer and messaging someone whom he never expected to message. A certain Planeswarden, who was certain to help him with the issues that plagued him…

“Diadem? Sorry to bother you so late at night, but… I may need a fresh new look.”

Downtime

“Uwaaaah!”

The air was filled with the lovely scent of lavender as the black-haired girl lit up another candle and flung herself into her spinning chair, spinning in place until it slowed to a stop. She took a deep breath, savoring the smell before she reached out for her laptop and opened it up. She could hear the faint sound of a TV playing “Relgion’s Kitchen” from outside of her room and the “ping, pong” of Prinnies having fun with the ping-pong table. These sounds were further muffled when she slipped on her headset, loading up a chat program and humming something to herself as she waited.

For once, Cian and the others didn’t need her assistance. There were no bills to keep track of, no scramble to herd the Prinnies, no fretting over the latest injury Gonzales got at gym… She had nothing but free time for now, and Renais certainly wasn’t going to let the moment pass. Not when all of this would be gone, come next year.

Quickly, she scrolled down her contacts list, rushing to read through several conversations some other groups of friends were having. It was a bit much, as she hadn’t read any of them since last week, and boy, did knitting groups get intense! And the DnD group. AND the MMO group. And the…

Suddenly intimidated by all she needed to read, she hastily marked each and every group as read before a message popped up from someone.

“Renais?”

She scrambled to reply, “H-hi, yes, that’s me!” before she looked at who, exactly, was messaging her. Strange… She didn’t recall adding a TriDraggie702. Or maybe she did, but she forgot? Or maybe it was one of her friends using a different nickname?!? Unwilling to leave it up to chance, she quickly typed, “Oh, um, who is this? I don’t think I remember you.”

There was that horrifying 10 minute pause before slowly, but surely, TriDraggie replied, “I figured you wouldn’t recall; I haven’t used this in a few years. This is Satoshi. Perhaps better known as ‘Sato-chan’ to Sir Cian.”

“Aalkgfajlajdlgj I didn’t remember what oh god aaaaaaaaaa” Her palms were rather sweaty as she panick-typed away, continuing with, “I-I’m so sorry, Mr. Nakamura!”

“No, no, it’s fine.” The reply took another aeon and a half to get back to her. Another few minutes… then, “Bah, I’m no good at typing yet. I have a headset: do you mind if I call instead?”

Renais shook her head… then realized that no, he couldn’t see her, and just typed, “I don’t mind, go for it!”

It was a little strange… if only because Satoshi invited her to video call, too. She double checked her room, making sure that all the magical girl plushies were in place. Especially her Sumireko plush. She also made sure her hair ribbon was tied in and that she didn’t look like she was running off of 3 hours of sleep and three whole pots of espresso.

She was all ready to look cute, cheerfully greeting Satoshi with a, “Hi, Mr. Nakamura!” All of that cheer slowly evaporated as she realized that he, too, had a webcam… and he certainly saw better days. His long hair was messy and ragged, his eyes were sunken in like he didn’t sleep in an entire decade, and his clothes were in rags… At least the room behind him looked more organized and neat than he did. After a few minutes of horrified gaping, Renais built up the courage to ask, “Ah, um, Mr. Nakamura? Are… are you okay?”

“To be quite frank, no.” Renais could see the small frown hidden behind his robe, the demon avoiding her gaze. “Things were not entirely pleasant this past year, and it’s only now that I get some type of reprieve from it.”

On reflex, Renais blurted out, “I-I’m sorry! I’m so sorry to hear that!” Silence. All eyes- all five of HIS eyes- were on her now. Awkwardly, she retreated into the neck of her pink sweater and said, “I, um… is there anything I can do to help?”

His gaze never left her. He wasn’t smiling, but he certainly didn’t sound sad as he replied, “Your companionship is enough. If you would be willing to lend an ear, all the better, but simply chatting about anything will do, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“O-oh, um, if YOU wouldn’t mind telling me what happened…” Renais fiddled with sleeves, trying to find the right words to add. What could she say? What else could she ask?

Satoshi reached out for something, pulling out what looked like a big mug of coffee. It looked like Renais wasn’t the only one running off three pots of espresso. “Simply put… the hunter became the hunted,” he said with as much exhaustion as an old man who tried so hard to chase away a menace. Renais scooted closer to her desk, grabbing her Sumireko doll and holding it tightly as Satoshi continued, “I was enjoying a few successful bounty hunts- mostly involving bandits and escaped convicts and the like. However…” He paused to sigh, slumping onto the desk as his eyelids drooped. “Much to my disdain, I invoked the ire of a gang upon claiming a bounty on their leader. Ever since, they would simply not stop pursuing me, convincing stronger and stronger demons to aid them in avenging their comrade. It was not until Magus found this relatively secluded hotel for me and told the manager to keep me a secret from others that I found even a moment’s peace.”

“That’s… that’s kind of rough!” Renais replied with a small frown, sagging like a deflated balloon. “And you can’t go out or anything, or else they might find you?”

“It wouldn’t do to stay in all the time,” Satoshi admitted with yet another sigh. “I had to practice a little more transformation magic to disguise myself as someone else, someone more unremarkable, to go into town without being whisked into another battle without end. It wouldn’t do to burden the poor hotel manager to buy my groceries.”

Renais flinched at the thought of a gang waiting outside the hotel, several of them with spiked bats and wooden blades at their sides, ready to beat their prey to a pulp. “Yikes! Um, uh, why not go to Limbo, then?” she asked, her tiny, angelic wings flapping quickly behind her as she fiddled with her sleeves some more.

“That was my first thought, but they seem to be more the type to hold a grudge,” Satoshi said as he sat up straight… then slouched back in his chair, eye twitching. “One year also isn’t quite enough time for anyone to forget something like that. It took several years for the Dark Council to focus on other things after I killed Giradin, after all.”

“Oof… then, why not here?”

Satoshi stared at her, then tilted his head juuust a little as he replied, “Isn’t it quite crowded, between Sir Cian, Miss Parsee, the newly budding Virtues, the Prinnies, and yourself? I wouldn’t want to impose. Nevermind the fact that I have no secure form of employment, so I wouldn’t exactly be the best demon to rent a room to.” Renais did spot a small smile form on his face as he added, “But thank you kindly for the offer. I will be fine, moreso when the next year comes around. No doubt there will be yet another contractor… But enough about my woes. You seem to have a fair share of those, yourself, given how exhausted you look.”

Wait, did she not cover her sunken eyes? Renais quickly tried to hide her face in her sweater, but found that it was not exactly a good idea with a headset on. Reluctantly, she poked her head out, trying her best not to squeeze her Sumireko doll too hard. After a moment’s silence, she said, “Oh, um, just the usual: Wrangling Prinnies, balancing the books for Cian’s new catering company, trying to think of songs that aren’t just covers for stuff to perform with my new band…”

The demon quirked an eyebrow, looking a bit livelier than he did just a moment ago. “A band, you say?”

Renais hesitated for a moment, unsure as to whether or not Satoshi really cared. Why would he care? It was just a tiny lil band she was doing for fun. Still, when all five of his eyes were on her, all of them shining with curiosity, she couldn’t just leave him hanging. “W-well, um, I- I mean, uh, Bonnie, Gavin, Gonzy, and I entered a contest on a whim and, uh, we won part of it. That, and we were offered a record deal. We accepted, and, um… we’re practicing and trying to find out what sounds to do on tour before we release an official album.”

“Ah, I see! Well, congratulations!” Renais couldn’t help but blush when Satoshi started clapping for her. “Already, things are looking good for you! When you figure out those details, please, feel free to invite me to your first concert. I would love to see you perform live.”

Seeing the sheer joy and the smile and Satoshi’s face… Would that be the same one she’d see when Prinnystick performed live? And would it be multiplied by hundreds, a smile shared amongst their possible fans? Or would they all be frowns and boos, instead? “I-I, um, sure?” Renais stammered out as she tried her best not to let the pressure get to her before concerts were even an issue. It’d be okay, right? It’d definitely be okay-

The magical girl screamed as she hugged Sumireko Doll a bit too tightly, resulting in LOUD NERD NOISES, loud enough to startle Satoshi. “What in blazes was THAT?!?” he asked, straightening up his headset after it had nearly slipped off his head.

“Oh, uh, um, uh…” She tried to form a coherent thought, but nothing was coming up. Her cheeks were burning red from embarrassment and shame, though she tried to hide it behind her Sumireko doll. “I-it’s okay, it was just… the doll, yeah! And, uh… I…” A thousand butterflies fluttered in her stomach, nausea slowly overcoming her as everything became a bit too much. She took a deep breath and said, “Sorry, Mr. Nakamura, but I… I don’t really feel all too good now, so I think I’m gonna go to sleep.”

Satoshi stared at her and frowned a little before closed his eyes and nodded. “Yes, you do sound like you need rest. We can talk more tomorrow, if you would like.”

“R-right. We do have a lot to catch up on… and maybe we can do stuff together, along with Gonzy. Maybe watch anime, play an MMO, do… stuff…”

“Perhaps, but for now, do take care, okay?”

Renais could see the concern on his face, clear as day, before he ended the call. She sighed loudly before she shut down her laptop and flopped into bed, desperately chasing away worried about Prinnystick and all it entails. The thoughts came back like a cloud of bees, angrier and more aggressive than before. Sleep was the only cure for this sort of persistent thought, especially when she imagined empty seats and far too many tickets left unsold for their first concert.

Sleep didn’t come easy. It never did. But at least she found some comfort in the thought that maybe she might have one loyal fan amongst the crowd.

Of Bandits and Friends

“Oh, Muuuuscles~!”

Jiang opened up one eye, far too tired to get up from the bench he napped on. Yijun loomed over him like a cat ready to strike, her lip curled up in a mischievous smirk. He thought the entire village would have a little more sense than to just walk up and loom over him while he’s sleeping, but it looked like Yijun took that sense and dumped it in the nearest well before coming here to bug him.

“Bug off, Yijun,” he said sleepy before closing his eye again. “I need sleep.”

Even if he couldn’t see her, he could imagine her eyes fluttering as she said, “Awww, but it’s for another favor, something so important! Come on, can’t you do your bestie a solid?!”

“If we were actually besties, you’d actually let me sleep.”

“If you had a lick of sense, you’d be sleeping in your own room!”

He opened his eyes just to glare daggers at Yijun as he growled, “You think that would have stopped you from bothering me?”

Yijun looked away from him, placing a finger on her chin. “Hmmmm…” After a moment, she turned back to him and said, “Yeah, good point! Though, why ARE you sleeping out here?”

 Jiang yawned before turning onto his side and staring at a nearby tree. “I’ve been sleeping like garbage, so I wanted to see if sleeping outside helped any.”

Yijun’s eyes widened, her hands flying to her mouth. “Oh, so THAT’S why it was so quiet last night!” she said. “Lately, all I’ve been hearing are those usual drunkards acting up late at night, so it was disturbing my beauty sleep! I told dad to take care of it, but drunkards are on the bottom of his priority list.” Yijun flicked back her long strands of brown hair and huffed, crossing her arms as she said, “Should have been at the top, honestly. What kind of chieftain is he, letting those hooligans run about and disturb his daughter’s precious beauty sleep?”

He turned towards Yijun now with an eyebrow quirked. “Did you tell him what they looked like?”

The girl turned white as a sheet, a look of horror spreading across her face. “I… I don’t think I did,” she admitted. “I was far too sleepy! How was I supposed to remember?”

A large sigh escaped his lips as Jiang replied, “Well, there’s your problem.” Finding that there wasn’t any possible way for Yijun to leave him alone, he sat up and stretched, taking a few moments to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “Anyway, they were causing shit a few nights ago, so I taught ‘em a lesson or two. If they were the same guys, then it’s no surprise that they decided to shut up the moment they saw me.”

“Oooh, your brutality actually came in handy, for once!” Yijun said cheerfully as she clasped her hands together. “Could you keep sleeping on a bench? Please? You’d be doing me a huuuuge favor!”

“If I do that, will you call off your stupid rainbow fish favor?”

“Mmmm, lemme think about that…” For a second, her smirk was replace with a pensive look. Just for a second. “Nope!”

Jiang rolled his eyes, slouching and holding his chin in his hand as he replied, “Yeah, figured I wouldn’t get off that easy.”

“Hey, a girl’s gotta look her best, and what better way to stand out at a party than to have rainbow fish scales sewn into your dress! Or make a necklace out of them!” Yijun held her cheeks in her hands, a dreamy expression on her face as she twirled in place. “Oh, I’d be the star of Lady Zheng’s ball for sure! Men would be begging for my hand in marriage! Women would be smoldering with envy! Nobles would demand the secret to my beauty and give me so much gold to attain perfection! Oho! Ohoho! OHOHOHOHO!”

Her laugh was loud enough to echo through the town, attracting some confused stares from the townspeople. Jiang, for his part, simply stared at her with a bored look on his face. When that obviously wasn’t enough to stop her mad cackling, he said, “Well, good to know that you’re still batshit crazy. So, about that other favor you were going to bug me about…”

That certainly got him a nasty glare, but as long as everyone else stopped looking in their direction, it didn’t matter. After a few moments, the glare was replaced with a more serious look. “It’s not so much a favor as it is a call for help,” she said, catching Jiang’s full attention. “I’ve heard lots of things from dad about bandits. It hasn’t bothered us, since none of them seem to target our caravans. Lord Zheng’s certainly pissed that his own caravan got raided a few weeks ago, sending out a lot more patrols on the trade routes.”

Unease washed over Jiang, though he made sure it didn’t show on the outside. So he was right to lay low: the patrols would make things too much of a hassle for small group of bandits. If they managed to get a good look at them, they could report it to their Lord… and their faces would be plastered over bounty boards across the area.

“But,” Yijun continued, “That didn’t deter the bandits for long. Just the other day, we got a report from Dongzhu Village. Bandits struck and struck hard, pillaging everything they had to offer and then some.” Her expression darkened, her hand balling into a fist. “They killed everyone that fought back: men, women, children… didn’t matter. They all died the same. The messenger was lucky to be alive, nevermind come to us with this news. All they have are a handful of survivors, all of them incapable of caring for themselves.”

Jiang quivered, his blood boiling in his veins. Robbing innocent people of their goods was horrible enough, but robbing them of their lives, too? Absolutely barbaric. Clearly, Yijun picked up on his hidden rage, looking him right in the eye as she said, “I know, it’s awful. That poor man lost an arm and an eye, running so much to even get the news out to us. He said that we might be the next target: we’re close and relatively prosperous for a backwater town.”

He stood up, a fire lit in his heart, an angry spark in his eyes. “As if I’d let them,” he growled as he cracked his knuckles. “You’re gonna need to give a signal when they strike, just in case I’m too busy hunting your stupid fish to be at home.”

“Well, yeah, of course,” Yijun replied nervously, pressing her fingers together and looking away from Jiang. “I’ll send up a plume of red smoke: heavens know I need to practice a little magic, especially if I want to be of any help. You won’t be the only one fighting, buuut if we’re being honest, you’d probably be the only fighter we need. You roughed up some drunkards and punched people out for dumber reasons, so imagine how much of a beating you’ll give ‘em when they’re threatening your home!”

“Beating’s an understatement and you know it.”

“My goodness, you’re right!” Yijun’s hand flew to her mouth again, eyes wide with shock for a second before she smirked. “I’m sorry, Jiang, I meant to say ‘outright slaughter’. “

“That’s better,” Jiang replied with a devious smile, before he turned away to yawn. “Might want to start forming some sorta strategy, maybe set up a few traps to bring their numbers down. While ya do that, I’m gonna start another day of finding your stupid rainbow fish.”

“Yes, yes, you do that! Hopefully you reel it in today~! That’d be so, so sweet of you, Musclehead~!”

Jiang rolled his eyes as he headed back home to get his fishing rod and bait. There was still a bit of unease, but if Yijun kept to her word about the flare, everything would be okay… right?

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“Hey, Kailani! I’m back!”

It took a moment for the mermaid to poke her head out and see him not just with the usual fishing rod and bait, but also with another basket of goods. She dove back down, the ruffian quirking an eyebrow before she did one large flip onto land, right in front of the goods. She ripped off the blanket covering the basket, revealing the many, many meat buns prepared especially for her.

She stared Jiang right in the eye, bowed, and then said, “You are the best.”

Then the devouring began.

Jiang couldn’t help but laugh. Oh, he made sure to bring something nice for her to eat these days, as he took more time out of his day just to see her. It was fun seeing her come up with more tricks to show off before she cleaned house. Maybe it was a little shocking to see her eat so much at first, but by now, Jiang simply appreciated that someone else had a hearty appetite. It meant that nothing was going to waste… and gave him an excuse to cook more often.

After the third meat bun, Kailani flopped like a contented, fat fish and said, “Man, this is your best meal yet! I’m already feelin’ stuffed!” She rolled over to his side as he cast his line and sat down, smiling like a doofus. “Where’d you learn to cook this, anyway?” she asked. “Did you have to climb a mountain and talk to an ancient chef?”

Jiang chuckled, grinning ear to ear as he replied, “Well, if I did, that’d be one helluva story to tell! But nah, I just learned from my aunt.” His eyes met Kailani’s, her expression beckoning him to tell her more. Or maybe he was just amazed by how stunningly blue they were? “I kinda asked her to teach me, since her food’s way better than mine when she actually cooks.” He looked towards the horizon now, his smile mirroring his aunt’s as he continued, “The best memories I have are all those times I cooked beside her for New Year’s Eve, stuffing meat buns, chopping up vegetables, and helping make stock for her beef stew.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet!” Kailani said as she sat up beside him, wriggling the fins on the sides of her head happily. “Maybe you could bring some of her meat buns, too! You know, so I can compare them!”

“That’s a funny way of saying ‘please give me twice as many meat buns.’” Kailani looked away from him and whistled innocently. Good. It meant that it was harder for her to notice his frown. “Though, you’re gonna need to wait. She doesn’t really cook as often anymore. Maybe on New Year’s, but…”

Unfortunately for him, Kailani did notice, frowning along with him. “Did… did something happen?” she asked. “Or did she lose the passion?”

Jiang averted his eyes, thinking back on how Aunt Chun’s hands trembled while holding a spoon, how exhausted she got just from heading to the markets alone, how much time she spent sleeping the day away... He was quiet for a little bit before he forced himself to look Kailani in the eye and say, “I wouldn’t say that… that something happened all of a sudden. And she didn’t lose her passion for it, either.” Swallowing hard, he continued, “It’s… well, she was always… uh, sick.” He paused, expecting Kailani to interrupt him, but she simply nodded her head, folding her hands over her lap and listening intently to him. “I don’t mean violently sick, like she caught the plague or anything. It’s more, uhm… subtle, more… invisible, I guess? No one would notice unless they basically lived with her, basically. And for a while, I didn’t really notice, either, until I moved in with her.”

Kailani nodded again, urging Jiang to continue. Still, he had to take another deep breath, trying not to worry too much about his aunt at this moment. “She’s basically weak. She’s tired all the time, and she struggles with stuff. It really makes it hard for her to do much of anything most days, so she just… sleeps a lot. She tries hiding it and pretending that she’s alright, which works for most people, but… it stops her from cooking anything without help these days. The only thing she can cook without help is stew, and most of that is just watching over it.” Quietly, he added, “To make matters worse, nobody actually knows how to cure it, so it’s just… something she has to suffer through.”

Finally, he clammed up, unsure whether he said too little or said too much. Kailani tilted her head, puzzled, but when it was apparent that he had nothing more to say, she smiled at him and said, “She really is blessed, having a nephew like you with her.”

Jiang snorted. “Most would say she’s cursed to have someone like me with her.”

“I don’t see why,” Kailani said as she crossed her arms. “You keep her company and cook for her and I’m pretty sure you help her out a lot with chores!”

“Well… you’re not wrong.” Jiang looked away from her again, placing a hand on his neck. “But let’s just say that I’ve done a few things that the townspeople aren’t…exactly happy about.”

“Sorry, Jiang. I’m having a hard time thinking of anything you could do that would upset other people.”

Oh dear. Poor Kailani was about to get her hopes and dreams shattered. Jiang didn’t want to break her illusion of him being fantastic, but… he had to be honest, at least with her. “When I actually started staying in town,” he said, making sure not to look at Kailani directly, “I tried to make friends with a few kids in town. Tried my best to fit in, but they kept making me the butt of jokes and made me have to carry all their stuff around. I thought I had to bear with it, but the last straw was when they ditched me in a bamboo forest not too far from here, tricking me into thinking we were playing Hide and Seek.” Jiang took a deep breath and sighed as he added, “Next time I saw the leader, I broke his nose and gave him two black eyes.”

That gasp that escaped Kailani’s lips was all he needed to hear for him to feel like a giant piece of shit. Now even she knew that he wasn’t really a great person… and that’s without saying a thing about his little side job.

After a long period of awkward silence and Jiang pulling up yet another trout, Kailani finally spoke up and said, “I… kinda understand where you were coming from. We both know what you did was wrong, but if… if those were my ‘friends’ and they kept acting like a jerk to me, I’d probably punch them, too. Or feel tempted to, at least.” Jiang brought himself to look at her, though he looked more shocked than anything. “That doesn’t mean you’re not a good person at heart, though. Maybe a little rough and hard to deal with for some people, but you’re still nice at your core. You’re nice to your aunt and nice to me, and I bet you have more friends that you’re nice to, too!”

“Ah, um, well,” Jiang stammered, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Well, yeah, I do have two other friends. Weird to most people, since one’s a Rokurokubi and the other’s a Chimera. They’re nicer than they look, once you get to know ‘em.”

Kailani smiled brightly as she clasped her hands together and said, “See? You have other people who must be blessed to call you a friend! It’s just more proof that you’re a nice person: nice people make friends a lot easier than people who aren’t!” Her smile seemed so sad, however, when she looked away from him and added, “I’m kinda jealous. You have a lot more friends than I do, you know. And I’m sure they like you a lot.”

Most of the time, it was better to think before you said anything. Jiang, on the other hand, forgot all about thinking as he stood up and blurted out, “Hey, don’t say things like that! You have a friend who likes you a lot right here, you know!” Thinking came after, and then regret. Quickly, he added, “W-well, that and I could introduce you to my other friends! I’m sure you guys’ll get along fine!”

Kailani stared at him, dumbfounded, before her bright smile returned, complete with twinkling eyes. “Really!? I’d love to meet them, if it isn’t a problem!”

“Might take a bit to set up, but we’ll make it happen,” Jiang replied with a smile, though he was trying his best not to think too hard about what he said. “I promise, you won’t have to wait long, okay?”

“I’ll wait however long it takes, so don’t worry. I have all the time in the world, anyway!”

Time marched on, the basket looking rather empty as Kailani slowly, but surely, cleared it of meat buns. Jiang still didn’t find a single rainbow fish, but again, it didn’t matter. He was more occupied with watching Kailani do tricks underwater and hum again, cheerful as could be. Before he knew it, the sun had set, and his bucket was once again overflowing with fish he was sure he wasn’t able to eat in one sitting.

As he prepared to head back home, Kailani called out, “Hey, Jiang?”

He turned towards her with a small smile. “What’s up, Kailani?”

Kailani twiddled her thumbs for a bit before she asked, “Um, is there a river that flows through your town or anything?”

“Only one, and that’s Shufen River on the eastern side of town.” Jiang couldn’t help but quirk an eyebrow as he asked, “Why? Have any plans?”

“Oh, great!” Kailani face lit up, her fins wriggling happily. “I thought that since you took a lot of effort to see me, I should make an effort to go and visit you! Besides, I’d like to see your home for myself!”

Jiang’s heart leaped with joy in his chest, though it was a little dampened by the current situation. After giving it a bit of thought, he said, “I appreciate it, but it might not be safe. We’ve heard things about a possible bandit attack, and I’d hate for you to get caught up in it. Maybe when all that trouble has passed, though.”

He certainly did not expect that sudden look of determination on Kailani’s face. “Bandit troubles?” she asked. “Then all the more reason I should visit! I want to help protect your home and the people you care for!”

Part of him thought that was too dangerous. She’s too nice to get caught up in a skirmish. On the other hand, being a mystical fish lady, she must have some powers that could help out. Kailani didn’t strike him as the type to suddenly get confident if she couldn’t do anything, anyway. “Doesn’t sound like I could really stop you even if I wanted to,” Jiang said with a small chuckle. “Just… be careful, alright?”

“Of course!” As he turned to leave, Kailani waved at him and said, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, wherever we meet! Have a nice night, okay?”

“You too!” Jiang called back, bringing his haul back home and thinking on what was to come. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he was more excited for Kailani to visit him or worried about those bandits. And would Ning and Yin be able to meet up at the lake to see his new friend? What if they got caught up in those bandit problems, too?

Well… at the very least, he was confident that everything would be okay, no matter what happened. With Kailani, Ning, and Yin at his side, not even the strongest bandit group would be a match for him.

So he thought.