The skies rumbled as shaman and magician reached the great gates to Sam's factory. Steel cut outs of a fearsome tiger and a chinese dragon rushing towards each other sat above the gate, obscuring the rounded, caged top of the... well, calling it a factory was a bit of a stretch. It looked more like one of those "Thunderdome" cages Janet would see at the circus sometimes, where men with gas powered bicycles would circle around over and over and perform tricks off ramps. She could hear the bikes reving up from out here and the wild screams of hooligans having too good of a time.
She turned to Hansel, who held a wrapped present in his hands, and asked, "Are we really in the right place?"
"Indeed we are," he replied, knocking on the gate doors.
"But... but... this isn't a
factory, it's a... a dome... thing! Where are the chimneys? Where's the smoke?! The whirrs of machines?!?"
"He is a lowly Viscount for a reason, Lady Kingston. His production levels are virtually non-existant. It's a surprise he didn't anger the Monarch until now."
Janet shrugged. "Guess he was just testing him out," she said before peering over her puffy companion and staring at the present. "Why'd you bring a present to someone we're gonna murder, anyway?"
If Hansel replied, Janet couldn't hear him amongst the steely gates opening, creaking as loud as nails across a chalkboard. The duo walked in, the lady marching in behind her smaller friend.
The inside was not quite as impressive as Janet thought it would be. It was a lot of dirt and mud everywhere, with steel ramps on every side. Lightning crackled along the sides of the dome, as three rings of fire hung above. Men with steel arms and steel legs clutched onto wheels and used motors installed in ther backs to ride around the dome, yelling and cheering at one another. They quickly took notice to the duo and, after pulling tricks in midair, they transformed into more human forms, landing on their feet and towering above shaman and magician.
Janet assumed the skinniest brute with the slimy black hair was Sam and gagged at the sight of him. For a noble, he had absolutely no sense of fashion, picking the gaudiest clothing he could possibly get. She trembled at the sight of the others, especially with their height and agumented arms.
This was one bike gang she hoped wouldn't turn her into roadkill.
"Oi, if it ain't the Monarch's little doggy," Sam jeered, pointing right at Hansel. "What brings his lil' court magician here into the Thunderdrome, eh? Suddenly feel like working for the real hotshot?"
The shaman cletched a fist, eager to punch Sam in his stupid, gold-laced face, but Hansel calmly replied, "While I kindly thank you for the offer, I am afraid I must decline. I am here for more serious matters... A discussion of your production levels. Do you have anywhere we can sit? I tire of standing, and I would greatly appreciate a cup of tea."
The gang looked at each other and snickered before Sam rubbed his hands together.
"That can be arranged, mage. I'll get Baldy right on it. BALDY!"
A giant of a bike man stood up straight and was at the Slick's side in an instant.
"Go set up the tables. And make it snappy!"
Baldy mumbled a "yes boss" before heading off to get everything. Janet figured it would have taken a while, but within a few minutes, she was sitting at Hansel's side, surrounded by the bike gang. Sam crossed his legs as Baldy poured him a glass of red wine (or was that oil? It was so dark, she couldn't tell), while Hansel poured himself some tea and took a sip.
"Now, you wanted to discuss somethin'?" Sam asked, holding his glass up and swirling his drink around. "Or are you just here to waste my time?"
"Waste time? Ha, you and I know the danger you are in, and I would like to discuss your options before the Monarch does," Hansel replied, glancing over at Janet, who was trying to sneak a peek under his mask. She turned away and whistled, twirling a pen between her fingers, before the puff continued, "Forcibly, I might add. He does not look favorably upon the lazy."
"Pffft, like I give two damns about what the Monarch has to say! Thinks he can drive me like a slave. Produce this much! Produce it this fast! Blah blah blah!" The Viscount slammed a fist onto the table. "Frankly, I'm sick of his fat ass breathing down my neck. So I'm gettin' prepared to kick his ass to the curb and become the NEW king! And I'll be the one givin' the orders!"
Janet rolled her eyes. Just another tyrant to be. She eyed his lackeys warily, especially with those lustful looks they were giving her.
Hansel took another sip of tea before he said , "And I suppose you will be doing this with the weapons you haven't produced, and the army you haven't gathered. Your production is 0% because you chose to build a playground rather than a factory, and you think you can stand up to the Monarch with resources you can't even afford."
"Feh! My gang and I are enough for him, aren't we?"
His cronies nodded, laughing and licking their lips. One snuck behind Janet, who promptly punched him in the face.
"But really, puffball," Sam continued, taking another sip of wine, "don't you hate the Monarch as much as we do? You're probably just boiling with hate in that tiny little body."
Hansel stared. "Your point?"
The Viscount broke into a grin.
"You've got the smarts and the power and the reason to take him down," he pointed out. "So why don't ya join us? We may be fine on our own, but with you? We're unstoppable. I'll give ya anything you need, long as you serve under me when all's said and done. Hell, your lil' gal over there can even be one of our little sluts. What do ya say?"
Baldy reached out to Janet, trying to grab her when a beanstalk shot out and pushed him against the cage, coiling around him and binding him. He struggled against his makeshift chain when the others also approached the shaman and promptly got kicked for their troubles.
"Honestly, give a lady some privacy!" she hissed before she pointed at them and started firing bullet seeds in their eyes. They groaned in pain, leaving an opening for her to whip out her fans and blow them away with a gust of wind. She stood up trumphantly, giggling behind one of her fans, when two of them shifted into motorbike mode and tried to run her over.
"Well, shit."
Janet yelled as she forced her legs to run as fast as they could, bike cronies tailing behind her. Pipes sprouted from their sides and launched balls of sludge, one of them nailing the shaman right in the face. She tripped and fell, unable to tell where she was going, and the bikemen passed her by, ripping a part of her dress and leaving tire marks. Groaning, she stood up like a drunk and wiped her face off in time to see them rush towards her again. Thinking fast, she summoned two flowers with sharp petals and tossed them, watching as they turned into beautiful buzzsaws that grazed against their arms.
Sam gripped his glass tightly and glared at Hansel as the bikemen and Janet faught all across the Thunderdrome, launching fireballs and flower petals all over the place. "Hey, ya little shit," he growled, "tell your little whore to cut it out!"
"I believe her name isn't 'Little Whore', Lord Riley," snapped Hansel, before he dropped his box, some of its contents spilling onto the ground. He quickly scooped up the heavier item back into the box and closed the top before placing it back on the table. "If you wish to address my cohort, please address her by her proper title, if you will. And please, forgive her. She is a bit... rowdy."
The puff slid the present over to the Viscount, who took it into his own grubby hands and smirked.
"Yeah, whatever. She's puttin' on a real show with whatever she's doing. And how very nice of ya to bring me a gift! Guess you really do know who is callin' the shots!"
"That I do, Lord Riley. Please, accept it with my humblest apologies and well wishes. I hope it will serve you well."
Sam's grin was as wide as a watermelon now as he opened the gift and reached inside. He pulled out sword from within, runes carved into the golden hilt. "Nicely made," he said. "Got lucky tryin' to get this made, eh? And for me? You're too kiiiiiaaaaaAAAAGH!"
The steel arm Sam that held the blade began to melt, a ghastly will o wisp engulfing his arm. He let go with a scream, the puff catching the blade in midair and sheathing it on his side. The Viscount hissed with anger and took a step to try to punch him, but a loud
pop warned him that it wasn't a good idea. One glance downward showed that tacks scattered the floor, puncturing his world class tires.
"What the fuck did you do?!?" he demanded, his arm still dripping with molten metal. "What the fuck was that?! I thought you were on my side!"
The little puffball's body trembled as he laughed and laughed. Once his gigglefit was done, he stood on his chair and pointed his scepter at his host.
"Your side?" he sneered. "Ha! You jest, for the only side I am on is my own!"
Sam hissed as he was greeted with bolts of lightning and swiped at the puff. Hansel dodged, countering the blow with another bolt and scurrying away. He watched as Janet still ran from the cronies and conjured an oil slick before them. The bikers skidded off course and crashed into the table and their master, sending tea and wine flying. As they struggled to get back up, the puff landed on Janet's head and casually flicked fire at the oil, discouraging the others from following them.
"Gee, I wonder what made you decide to help me," Janet said bitterly. "Its not like I needed the help or anything."
"My apologies, Lady Kingston, but I had that planned from the beginning. Should I have warned you?"
"You should of, because I'm on your side!"
The puff took a deep breath and said meekly, "I... I'm sorry."
Janet raised an eyebrow when she could hear the roars of engines coming back to life and wheels hitting the dirt. She figured now was a good time as ever to start running, but Sam and his cronies thought it would be a better idea to ride along the cage and gather momentum. They leaped from the highest point and rained sludge upon their enemies. Hansel evoked flames to counter them, while Janet snapped her fingers and sent beanstalks to grab two of the bikers and fling them into each other. The remaining ones tried to slam into the two, and while Hansel was able to dodge, Janet had the misfortune of having her foot crushed.
She yelped in pain before she stood up again, summoning a cactus and hurling it at one of the bike men. He tried to run over it, only for his wheels to pop, spinning him out of control and crashing into a wall. Another snap of the fingers, and the cactus exploded into needles, raining into whatever fleshy bits it could hit on the augumented humans. They didn't have enough time to scream, as their arms were cleaved off by something sharp. They cried in pain and collapsed, leaving only Sam as a major concern, even if one of his tires were blown and his arm melted.
With a roar, pipes rose from his engine and launched flames that scorched Janet's cheek and legs, leaving her vulnerable to a punch from his one good arm. Then another and another, then a kick. Janet stumbled backward and coughed blood into her hands, staring at it for a moment, realizing too late that maybe she shouldn't have joined the battle. She was about to be socked again when the Viscount struggled to pierce through a barrier that was placed around her. Without waiting to see who did it, two lilies wrapped around her arms and sprayed a cloud of nectar and pollen in Sam's face.
With a hiss, he stepped backwards and was assaulted with sword slashes to the back. He whirled and tried to hit his attacker, only to hit nothing but air. A blast of lightning caught his attention long enough for beanstalks to slap him aside and into a wall.
Janet wobbled away, trying to create as much distance between her and the stunned Viscount as possible. "God, I should have thought this through more," she grumbled to herself. "I wasn't expecting to be kicked around like a soccer ball today. Oof, my poor foot... Gaea was right, the little bastard, but one of these days, I'll get better! Now, what's that spell he taught me again?"
She sat down, cursing the pain in her foot and panting. She racked her mind for the spell the ancient spirits taught her, a spell that would bring life in even the most barren lands. What did they call it again? Plantification? Personafication? No, wait, it was Purification! And all she had to do was sit down and concentrate like a plant doing photosynthesis... whatever that meant. Yes, concentrate, let magic flow, yadda yadda. Yes, ignore the totally innocuous clanking happening, its probably nothing at all...
Clunk. Clunk.
"Concentrate concentrate concentrate..."
Her body started to glow yellow, a patch of grass growing underneath her body.
Clank, clank.
"Okay first step done now concentrate more! Think like a flower, smell like a flower... No, not right, BE a flower..."
THUNK. THUNK. THUNK.
"Come on, come on, we don't have much time-"
Janet heard something that sounded like a gun being reloaded and pointed at her. She looked up and paled, as a flamethrower was pointed right at her face, Sam the Slick glaring down at her.
"Actually, little Lady," he growled, "I think you don't have any time at all. Ready to say your prayers?"
Oh sweet Gaea have mercy on my soul, Janet thought, losing some of her concentration and her glow.
I'm going to end up being more roasted than a pig on Thanksgiving oh sweet god I'm too young to die is this how peter felt when he was almost dead oh god I HOPE A MIRACLE SAVES ME PLEASE SOMEONE TELL MY MOM I LOVE HER
Out loud, she said, "G-g-get fucked, you goddamn twit!"
"Feh, your fueneral, little bitch!"
Janet closed her eyes, praying to dear Gaea she wasn't going to die painfully.
A minute passed. Then, she heard the Viscount roar, "WHERE IS SHE?!"
She opened her eyes. Sam was right in front of her, but he was ignoring her very existance, whirling around and snorting like an angry bull.
"WHERE IS THAT LITTLE WHORE?!" he roared again. "She was
right fuckin' here!!!"
Huh. Gaea actually has a heart, saving me like this! Now, what was I doing again? Oh, right.
She concentrated hard, trying to gather up all the power she could muster before she was found again. Sam searched under rubble and even above his head, grunting and growling like a wild animal. An aura surrounded her again, but when Sam looked at her again, he didn't even notice. In fact, he was about to walk right into her, like she was nothing but air, and hoped he didn't step on her.
And then, she heard it. She heard the bloodcurdling screams and gurgles of a mechanical man malfunctioning. She could hear a rush of water blasting into something, smell the smoke rising from the man's engines. Sparks flew from Sam's body as the engine went out of control. By the time he actually noticed her again, the yellow glow had consumed her, and she was smirking.
"MotherFUCKING SHIT"
"Shit for you, at least," the lady said casually. "Sadly, this is where we part! And by the way...
I'm not a whore."
All the energy released from her body at once. Beanstalks and trees forced themselves to rise from the barren ground, grasses and flower and shrubs growing in their wake. Cannopies forced their way through the dome, causing the whole structure to shudder. Janet stood up once more and wobbled her way out, feeling something soft and light land on her head. She ignored it for now, focusing more on escaping before the whole place fell apart.
-------------------
Outside, puff and shaman watched as the seeds of life spread throughout, roots and vines dismantling what remained of the Thunderdrome. Flowers and grasses grew at their feet, in spite of the smoggy, dark skies. A giant oak rose from the dome, growing taller than any other plant, reaching its branches up to the very skies.
Janet smiled at her handywork, putting a hand near her mouth and stifling a giggle.
"Wow, I never knew I had that much power behind that!" she said with a laugh. "Man, Purification has some awesome power behind it!"
"Is that what its called?" Hansel asked, left in awe of the growing forest. "I... I've never seen anything like it."
"Well, neither have I! First time for everything, you know. And to think, I wouldn't have done it if Gaea didn't save my ass at the last minute!"
A shiver went down her spine as Hansel glared at her. Irritated, he said, "It was not the work of some god or spirit behind the miracle. I was the one who cast the invisibility spell upon you and shot water into his engines."
Janet blinked.
"Really? You can do that?"
"I can, yes. I am not known as a Court Magician for nothing, Lady Kingston."
Janet stared for a moment before taking out her notepad and pen and writing things down.
"Hansel capable of using illusionry and conjuration and evocation... Check. Saved my bacon? Check. A miracle? Damn right it is!"
The puff only sighed and facepalmed.
"Bah! I'm not a worker of miracles. Never have been, never will be. I merely cast a spell at the right place at the right time."
"Don't be so humble, Hansel! Ooh, wait, isn't this the part where the girl gives the guy a kiss?"
"L-Lady Kingston, that is hardly necessary-"
"Oh shut up and lemme kiss you you little hero!"
"N-n-no! Wait! L-lady Kingston..!"
And so, Janet chased Hansel around, trying to give him the smooch she thought he deserved, with the little puffball running like the dickens to avoid it.
-------
!?*$, Day 1
I saw it.
I honestly saw the true worker of miracles before me, making flora bloom where none dared to grow. And... and she called ME the miracle worker, for saving her before the Viscount burned her to a crisp! I am undeserving of such praise when... when she performed such a feat. Sure, she is a bit...overeager and bit off more than she could chew, but...
The question remains, haunting my mind...
Who is she? WHAT is she?
Will I ever know?
And will I ever be able to rise to her level of miracle working? I... I...
I daresay I'm curious, but...
I'm afraid...
