When one hears the word "Planeswarden", what comes to mind? Most would think of the organization at hand, fighting off the interdimensional threats at hand. Some might think of individual members, like the suave Ringabel, the hotheaded dog Duer, or cute, cuddly elf Diadem. So many answers may come to mind, the public at hand simply assuming that they're a force much like the Kobbers, ready to pop up and trounce anything that threatens the dimensions.
Unfortunately, they have to deal with one thing that Kobbers don't: paperwork.
Clack, clack, clack, go those keyboards as several members typed away, writing reports on Planeswarden activity and logging important changes to the organization at hand. Some focus on Public Relations, trying their best to find the right words to bolster their image after the scandals of yore. Others, running on naught but the coffee pots brought to them and the thought that maybe one day, Dia-senpai will notice them, go through and rank each and every recurring enemy that hasn't been dealt with, in order of priority.
Not all of them had to deal with relatively pleasant stuff. They didn't know the pain of cutting through all the red tape for other people.
Least, thats what one chimera secretary thought, as she stared a hole into all of these budget proposals. It was a miracle she didn't need glasses, given how hard she was squinting at every word. Sorting through them was a pain, and marking down questionable requests with red ink.
"Mmm, more money to recruit more memberss and sstart them with a higher ssalary? That'ss... not very sspecific." Circled. 'Specific amount, please?' " $1 million dollarss for a high-end Planesswarden wedding? We don't budget for perssonal thingss... Though that ssoundss fun." Crossed out. 'Personal, Council would not approve.' "$25k for the annual Ssportss Party?" The chimera's tail slithered in, its beady snake eyes pressed onto the paper before flopping on top of it. "...Iss that even mandatory for normal operationss?"
From the bowels of paperwork hell, a voice bellowed, "HOW CAN WE OPERATE WITHOUT SPORTS, REESE?!? HOW WILL WE LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING WHICH LOCAL TEAM BEAT WHO?!?"
"Fair, but after lasst party, Maguss demanded you guyss clean up after yoursselvess," Reese replied, writing a note reflecting that. "That whole banquet room wass a pain in the assss to clean, I heard." She stood up, taking an elegant pose, tone changing into something more eloquent as she said, "We musstn't have one of our few janitorss sstuck cleaning one room for hourss merely becausse the partygoerss were too lazy to clean up after themsselvess."
The tower of papers shuddered. "Oof, that... you think it was worse than the Omnisoda Incident of 2018?"
Reese pulled out her phone, careful to retract her claws as best as she could, lest she add another big scratch on the heavy-duty case enclosing it. Quick as a flash, she pulled out before and after pictures, holding the phone up so that they could see. The whole office turned to peek, a mousy nerd peeking out from behind paperwork hell to look and shrink back into the paperwork.
"Yep, definitely worse."
"You bet it iss."
The marking continued on for hours, at least until a pink wing rested on her shoulders. Reese looked up, absentmindedly crossing out an entire paragraph listing food expenses, eyes half opened. "Huh? Wassup? Iss it nap time?"
Above her towered the flamingo Councilman, Aurelis, in all his pink glory. "I feel as if you're long overdue sleep in general, yes," he said quietly, before he turned his head towards one other secretary, who was jittering and mumbling something or other. "And so is Tasha, from the look of it."
"She'ss been up for three dayss straight." Aurelis quickly snapped back to look at her with shock. "We've told her to go, but she refussed. Ssaid something about needing to make Dia proud."
"Well, I suppose Dia's intervention's is required," Aurelis sighed. "Not only that, I'll have to approve a week long vacation for her. Three days without rest is far too much. You can aid me with that, can you not?"
"You're the counssilman, not me," Reese said with a shrug, before a grin spread across her face. "Though I can certainly expidite the processs for ya, IF you approve mine~"
The bird started at her as her grin grew ever wider. "Your paid vacation proposal is a half-year tenure in one of Olympia's finest hotels, which, upon further research, I noticed had a highly rated buffet at a price that's actually reasonable."
"Yep!"
"And conveniently located in the restaurant quarter of Olympia."
"Yep!"
"And nine subway stops away from the Olympia Mall, which, from what I heard, now has an arcade."
Her grin never waivered, her tail wagging like a dog's, much to the snake's discontent. "Nothing wrong with that, right? I haven't been to an arcade in DECADES!"
"You know full well that only the likes of Halla would even approve of this, correct?"
"Only because most of you guys forgot the meaning of fun."
Aurelis opened his beak, only for a long, exasperated sigh to escape. "I higly doubt they'll even consider it, but I'll see what I can do, at least for a month's worth . In the meantime, do get some rest. You may need it, given some of the more outrageous proposals we've seen."
Reese took that chance, heading down towards the elevators and wishing they were just a wee bit closer. The halls lights illuminated her path with each step, a welcome sight when there was nary a window to look out of. She yawned as she reached it, her tail smacking the up button for her as she wished she could magically change into her PJs and conjure pillows to sleep right here and now. Never had she been so happy when the elevator doors slid open, rushing right in-
And never did her enthusiasm drain along with the color in her face as a sleasy voice said, "Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in! Just the person I wanted to see!"
Her eyes locked onto the rail-thin man she rode with, flinching as his breath reeked of alcohol and doritos. She tried to get out, but a long finger pressed the "close doors" button faster than she can even turn around. A cold sweat broke out on her face as the man leaned into her ear, his voice a bare whisper.
"Now, now, Reese. That ain't the way to greet a friend, ain't it?"
"You're no friend of mine, greaseball," Reese hissed. "How long were you waiting-"
He tapped his chin for a little bit and frowned. "Far too long for you, honeybuns. Figured you'd be leaving out sooner to say hi to your fluffy fox friend. Can't let her new 'friend' hog all her attention, can ya?"
Reese started pressing any ol' button to get the hell out of here, utterly revolted by his mere presence alone. "You fucking creep, can't you bug someone ELSE?" God, she'd punch him right now, but with the camera in the corner... it wouldn't have been a good look. She needed this job... and that meant dealing with THIS asshole.
"Aw, but you're just the best!" he teased, patting all that ruffled hair down. "Who better than you to ask for all those budget increases for our sect? It's been SO annoying to deal with the paperwork, even when Ivan's just so eager to make sure his sect thrives!"
"Only to make sure Jane actually lives through this," Reese spat. "Most of your sect just sits there and give out violation tickets to whoever happens to vacation there from another dimension. And when a threat DOES come, you're the first one to hide and let Jane handle them while you go party!"
Greaseball snorted and shrugged. "Well, it's a pretty easy life. We don't have to worry too much, and that ain't bad, is it? A bigger budget would make our lives a lot easier. Maybe one to the tune of a trillion dollars..."
"The Council would never approve it." Her voice was cold, her gaze more like a Medusa's, threatening to turn Greaseball into stone. "That would require budget cuts to literally every other sect! The whole council would riot at the very thought! Hell, even if they did, Magus would disapprove and void it upon reading it! You have an easy enough time as it is!"
That grin that threatened to split the man's face sent shivers down Reese's spine. "Oh, I know. I know VERY well they wouldn't approve it. Which is why I need a favor from you: you've seen enough of the bigwig signatures, haven't you? So why not just do me a favor and, when our lil sect's proposal comes your way, do a lil fancy forgery? Slap Magus's name on there and everybody on the Council's bound to agree without even taking a second glance!"
"Not on your life." God, why was this elevator being so slow? They should have reached the next floor by now!
A long, drawn out sigh escaped his lips. "Oh, what a shame," he said with a shrug. "I thought a nice lil' heart to heart woulda swayed ya, but I guess life ain't all that easy... So, how 'bout I... sweeten the pot a little?" His slimy grin widened as he pulled out his phone, the chimera leaning over to see what was on there. She turned white as a sheet, eyes widening as he continued, "You get this 'approval' for us, and I won't have to air your dirty laundry to everyone. Heavens know what your parents'll think of their precious widdle daughter if they heard about this, nevermind the High Council!"
Reese drew a sharp breath and hissed, "You wouldn't DARE."
"Please, honeybun, don't start underestimating me now!" he replied with a chuckle, putting his phone away and wrapping a bony arm around her shoulders. "It just ain't cozy enough for me. The paycheck's gotta match the danger, y'see! All these big bads, they'd kill me in an instant! It ain't worth riskin' my life if I don't get the money to back it up. 'Sides, I could use a vacation... Maybe in one of those fancy hotels in... what did they call that city again? Cyber City? Olympus? Apollo?" He waved it off and snorted. "Whatever, doesn't matter. So either you get with the program... Or you can see every one of your dirty lil secrets get posted on every corner of the web and then some, capishe?"
Finally the elevator stopped and opened, Reese scrambling out, shuddering, shivering, glaring hatefully at the man who was still smiling, blowing her a kiss and waving good bye.
"Give it some time, babe. You got plenty of it... for now~!"
Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Was she too careless? How did he get them? Why her?!? God, she could die right about now. She scampered her way through the hallways, heading towards the stairs up to the dorms.
That night was the least restful nap she ever had, as she set up several layers of security and scanned her computer for keyloggers and viruses. The only friend she saw was the ceiling, eyes wide open for hours on end until the time for work had come.
If only it didn't.
