Trying to Beat an Undead Horse

And the horse SPARKLES.

So, I'm going out to see Breaking Dawn today. No, I'm not a Twilight fan or a Twihard or anything like that. I wanted to do something with my sister tonight and wanted something to riff, so why the hell not? But before I get into all that, I must apologize for the rant that will surely follow. I know, its a horse that has been beatten to death a lot of times. However, in the light that BREAKING FUCKING DAWN has become the #1 movie not just in america but in the WHOLE WORLD, I think for everyone's benefit, I have to reiterate just WHY the Twilight series sucks balls.


Man yer girders, mates. Just do.



Dat Purple Prose

I can barely, just BARELY read the books as they are now. They're just so fluffed up with material that don't really add to the story except for a couple hundred pages. Just like nobody likes seeing a million episodes of filler for, say, Naruto, NOBODY wants to read pages upon pages of nothing but boring excursions that have little to no relation to the plot. It is completely pointless, its boring, and all four (five if you count  Midnight Sun, which was leaked) books are noothing but purple prose. So many big words that mean the same goddamn thing. That poor theasaurus....

The Main Characters are Mary Sues/Gary Stus

This is another gripe of mine (and many others.) : Bella Swan and Edward Cullen are just OH SO PEEERFECT it hurts. Its like... um.. fuck. They're like what happens when you let a character like Sine get too out of control and become the tool of a madwoman's fantasies. (After all, Stephanie Meyer DID start these pieces of shit as a result of seeing a sparkling fucktard in a meadow somewhere.) Hell, when she described Bella, she basically described herself. A self-insert. And oh no, she can't do any wrong! She has no real flaws. Oh suuure, she was an utter "martyr"(which resulted in everybody praising her) and had two left feet (only when the plot needs her to!), but her true flaws were never exposed. If they were, then NOBODY pointed it out and ripped her a new one. But nope, Bella's selfishness, bitchiness, and manipulitiveness gets off scot free while everybody is bowing down to her like slaves. Doesn't help that Nessie, Bella's speshul baby, is so super awesome that Bella doesn't have to experience the horrors of motherhood. Hell, she doesn't even experience much of the pain of pregnancy! Well, aside from spewing out fountains of blood after Eddiekins does a C-Section with his FUCKING TEETH URGH....

The same can be said of "Eddiekins", too. He's portrayed as handsome, an Adonis, the perfect man... Yet... he can be as manipulative, as cruel as Bella, only he has emotional abuse and violent tendencies to go with! He's a monster that couldn't pry himself away from his succulent prey. The monster won, under the guise of the perfect gentleman. Sad part is, Meyer isn't a good enough writer to capitalize on THAT aspect. Nope, it has to be about more vampiric aspects. The bloodsucking. Edward can't resist Bella's smell but...he doesn't suck her dry or even attempt to.  What the fuck? That's not a real flaw! His abusiveness is a real flaw, and NOBODY calls him out on this!

Most of the characters are fucking bland as fuck, but these two are the blandest. If you guys want to know who my favorite char in Twilight was, it was Jacob. Jacob, BEFORE he became the piece of crud he was in Eclipse. He had actual character development. He had actual CHARACTER. He was the closest thing to a real guy in the goddamn book. And what does Meyers do? Makes him as douchy as Edward in Eclipse. Mind you, reading his bits in Breaking Dawn was awesome, but the moment he fell in love with BELLA'S FREAKING BABY was the moment his characterization was flushed down the shitter.

Stephanie Meyer. Just... Stepahnie Meyer.

This is the last point I'll cover. Freaking. Meyer. She is RUDE to her fans. Just TERRIBLY rude. Writes them off like nothing. She's just milking them for all their worth like the greedy witch she is. And while I am glad it is not released, she goes on and throws a bitchfit after Midnight Sun was leaked on the internet a few years ago and then goes on to stop working on it. Now that's just plain stupid. Then again, after reading what was leaked... I think it was for the best. (Eddiekins becomes even more creepy when you see Twilight from his point of view.) She also went and said that if Edward or Jacob turned up at her door, she would leave her husband for them. RUDE, MUCH? Jesus, even in jest, that stings! And she doesn't improve. Oh no, she doesn't improve. She only gets WORSE with each book she writes. They're all bland and dry, like a piece of stale bread left out for way too long. Yet, fangirls jizz their panties over her shit. The witch keeps gloating like the Lord would if he actually managed to kick the Bar's collective ass.

In the words of Stephan King, "She can't write worth a damn."

Congrats, Meyer. You have made a mind-numbingly boring, bland, disgusting, plot-less, characterization-less wet dream about a pixie golem and his future pixie golem-to-be wife.



Do yourself a favor and shove yourself back to the womb you came from and never come back.

RP Ruins Everything

So Goops was talking about how RP pretty much can't see Ramza without seeing Alex. Its kinda lolzy, but he did have a point: RP does ruin everything.

Why do I bring this up? Well, in Kirby's Dream Land 3, you have to go through a bastard of a puzzle pyramid to collect parts and build a R.O.B. for a HeartStar. Normally, everything would be okie-dokie, but its FREAKING R.O.B. Thanks to RP sheenanigans at ZF, R.O.B. was protrayed as an unfeeling, scary, and even somewhat demonic (All that Warp energy from his fite with Del, mang), toy. So I pretty much thought that Kirby single-handedly doomed us ALL.

He loves doing that these days. Sheesh.

What Awaits Us Now

Zoofights is over. The curtains have closed. Alex has set sail for the skies with Sarah and friends. Garnet is probably wrestling bears with Pech. Stella is ruling over a continent with  good ol' Nicky-poo.

Question is...what of the future?

Alex will return. No artifact title from me, guys. Kirby will also return, depending on circumstances. Stella... well, she'll be demoted to minor status if she DOES return, I'll tell you that much.

As for Garn-Garn...well, you'll see.

Oh, I believe Goops had a question...


"GOODNESS GRACIOUS WHO COULD THIS "SHERILL" PERSON BE"

A hint: Someone you might see next year!

And now, this will become a blog of solitude, Alex sheenanigans, and vidjah gamin.

Also, DBZ Abridged. Ballin.

Bummed out.

Oh boy, am I bummed out.

I was so fucking hyped for final. SO fucking hyped. I was hyped to see people biff the shit out of each other. And guess what happens?

Just when the final was about to end, SOME DUMB FUCK DECIDED TO FUCKING PULL THE FIRE ALARM FOR NO REASON.

So now, I stayed in the cold for HOURS, had to attend a MEETING where they basically told us that EVERYBODY WILL PROBABLY GET FINED, I GET MY PHONE STOLEN, and I MISS THE FINAL.

I liked the final, even if the lobster was a bastard. Oh yes, I did. But it was just..muddied by all the other shit that was going on in my life.

 Maybe tomorrow, I'll reread it all and appreciate it a lot more than I do now.

Still... I'll miss you guys a lot. If you need me for anything, add me on Skype or Facebook.

Skype: harpykuro
Facebook: Mariann Fortuna

See you later, space cowboy.

Some more Creepypasta

WARNING: LONG POST IS LONG AND CONTAINS CREEPY STUFFS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE STUFF LIKE THAT... UM... GO KICK ASS IN BRAWL OR SOMETHING.


Three...two...one.





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Would he ever return?

                King Dedede looked towards the skies, unusually pensive this night. He was only thinking about an enemy who had the gall to possess him not once, not twice, but thrice! That Dark Matter… and by extention, Zero. It had been years since he had seen them last, their last appearance being when they corrupted Ripple Star. Kirby defeated them thrice (at least, in Dark Matter’s case), each with a different ability: First, the legendary Rainbow Sword formed by the Rainbow Drops; second, the Heart Rod, or Lovelove Stick, formed by all the love and friendship of the people he helped along the way; and finally, the Crystal Gun, formed by the power shards of Ripple Star’s Power Crystal. It had been enough to banish them… at least for now, he thought.

                Dream Land had been relatively peaceful ever since Zero was destroyed. Sure, there was that Mirror World mishap, that cake rampage Kirby went on, that Necrodeus incident, everybody turning to yarn, and now that ship repairing work, but really, there were no Nightmares, no Dark Matter, no absolute chaos. If he wanted chaos, he had to make his own. Not that he went out of his way to do that, mind you. That cost too much effort, and would only result in seven kirbies beating him up for his trickery. One angry kirby was bad enough, but seven? Well, Kabi was angry aaaall the time, so it didn’t matter, but an angry Timmy or angry Kusanagi? That would be painful, rather painful. Keeby was a different story altogether…. A story he didn’t want to even talk about.

                For a moment, King Dedede wondered if Zero would return. It had been too long since something remotely threatening had come along. He needed a challenge or two. Sitting on his buttocks all day was no way to do that. Sure, it was fun being lazy, but come on! He sighed and went back to bed, though. There was no way Zero would return. Just no way…

               

                A strange dream came to him. The penguin found himself strangely alone in his castle. He walked the corridors, trying to find out where everybody was at. Fumu wasn’t home, Escargoon wasn’t in his room, the Waddle Dees weren’t tending to their duties… what was going on?

                When Dedede got outside, he found his answer.

                Something descended from the skies. Red feathers fell slowly to the ground. Dedede picked one up, only to find it melt in his hands like a snowflake exposed to heat. Melt into blood. All of Dream Land were gathered here in front of his castle, watching the strange spectacle. Even the Kirby Brigade was there, staring high into the skies. Kirby was strangely pale, his pupils shrinking to the size of tiny pebbles.

                “O, YE OF LITTLE FAITH….” A voice boomed out from the heavens, capturing everyone’s attention. The skies were stained black with streaks of red, crimson feathers still falling from the skies. “DID YOU TRULY THINK YOU COULD ESCAPE ME?”

                The ground was  stained with blood. The people began to feel uneasy. Keeby shuddered, hiding under her parasol as Kusanagi tried his best to comfort her. Dedede  grit his teeth and pulled out his hammer, pointing it towards the heavens right at the source of the voice. “Hey, you dere!” he yelled. “Why you causin trouble here? I didn’t order no monstah to clobbah dat Kirbeh! Git out of here, or I’ll clobbah yah!”

                A cruel, wicked laugh echoed from the clouds. “FOOLISH AS EVER, ARE YOU… KING DEDEDE?”

                “Oh, shut ya mouth and leave! You’re not even worth our time!”

                “UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES, YOU WOULDN’T BE WORTH MINE. HOWEVER, YOU HAVE BEEN A THORN AT MY SIDE FOR TOO LONG.” Now the feathers stopped in midair and formed into blades of blood, pointing right at Dream Land’s population. The commoners felt the urge to scatter, run away from whatever threatened them. The Brigade, however, stood their ground. So did the Waddle Dee and Waddle Doo army and their beloved King. Another laugh from the skies. “HOW CUTE. YOU STILL OPPOSE ME LIKE THE LITTLE WORMS YOU ARE.”

                “Git out,” Dedede warned, anger bubbling in his heart, “or I’ll MAKE YA GIT OUT!”

                Something white hovered above all. It was not a cloud, not at all. It was merely a white blob, just floating there. Yet… it began to form wings. Many wings of blood and torn flesh formed on the blob. Three spiked, green tails formed from the bottom. A crimson halo appeared above the blob while tiny little wounds opened up around it. Finally, in the middle of it all… was a gigantic red eyeball.

                Reality twisted around him, shifting into nightmares. A dark aura surrounded him, the essence of evil radiating from every pore of his body. He laughed again as some of the blades floating in midair crashed into the land, crashed away from the castle… and turned all that they touched into ashes.

                “I AM THE HARBINGER OF DESTRUCTION.”

                Screams rang through the air like a twisted siren song.

                “I AM THE SERAPHIM OF DEATH.”

                One by one, the people disappeared. The cappies, the Waddle Dees, the Waddle Doos, the Kirbies…

                “I EXIST NOWHERE AND EVERYWHERE.”

                Until only Dedede remained, staring the creature right in the eye, entire body shuddering.

                “YOU THINK YOU CAN OPPOSE ME?”

                Thump. Thump.

                “ME, ZERO CUBED?”

                The penguin resisted all urges to scream, but fell down onto the ground as the red eye  stared right through him…right in front of him…

                “I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF NOTHINGNESS ACROSS THREE DIMENSIONS. YOU ONLY WISH YOU COULD STOP ME… DEDEDE.”

                A hammer raised. All fear, gone.

                “HOW CUTE. YOU STILL OPPOSE ME.”

                A weapon swung.

                “BUT AS YOU WILL SOON FIND…”

                A piercing scream. The ground, rended.

                “… NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO BANISH ME…”

                Nothing remaining of the last Dream Lander. A cackle.

                “YOUR DOOM BY MY HANDS WAS INEVITIBLE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.”

                Dedede woke with a start. Carefully, he looked around the room for any sign of life. Bandana Dee was sleeping in his own little bed, unharmed. Owls were hooting late at night, trying to find their prey. With a sigh, the penguin shook his head, then went back to sleep.

                It was a good thing that Zero would never come back. Thank goodness for that.