Dino Report

April 15th:

The big bosses apparently have money to spend, because now we have a bunch of dinosaurs. 10, to be precise. I'm not sure what need we have for five (inaccurate) raptors, two triceratops, a Carnotaurus, a Ceratosaurus, and a big fat lazy Spinosaurus, but I'm not the one calling the shots. The raptors keep chittering at each other while a coworker offers a goat to the Carno like he's a god or something.

I'm sure this won't backfire or anything. Yep.

April 16th:

They injected the dinosaurs with... something. "To enhance their abilities," a coworker said. Do dinos need steroids? Are we trying to win the Olympia Olympics or something? Either way, nothing happened. Oh, Bob nearly got his arm bitten off by Carno, but that's nothing new. I'm sure someone has a habit of biting someone when they stick a huge fucking needle in them.

Raptors have already created a clique and seem to backtalk anyone who comes by. Snobs. The tris don't give a shit long as they get their fair share of grass and roaming about in some random, isolated island near the Kuwahawi Archipelago for like... a bit. Carno, as expected, wants to eat everybody. Won't stop rattling his cage and roaring at everybody. He roared at me and tried to bite me, but I just tranq'd him and went about my day. Spino's... he's something, alright. He's just a lazy bum who waddles in water and humbly accepts fish. I thought this thing was supposed to be terrifying?

But the real weirdo here is Cerato. He's... kinda runty for a Cerato. A juvenile, maybe? Only about 8 feet tall, maybe less. Not only that, instead of trying to eat anyone, he just sniffs us and backs away like we're going to taze him or something. Did see some markings on him, some pretty nasty bite marks. And not the "I got bit by a thousand campies" kinda nasty, but a "something big and nasty bit him like he was a burger" kinda nasty. If they clamped down... This guy wouldn't have survived. Or maybe he didn't, and we revived him with white magic after putting his body back together.

Whatever the case, he's not eating as much as the others. Hell, doesn't seem to eat while anybody's here. Can't put a finger on why.

Maybe because that fucker keeps scaring him or something.

April 18th:

Raptor Clique must have had one helluva time hunting on Big Fucking Monster island, because they won't fucking shut up. Not only that, one of them sparks up and chitters the loudest like he's a hype generator or something. Literal sparks.

That's not something a dinosaur should have.

If that's not a big enough deal, the triceratops are making their own grass and are just bamboozled. They can feed themselves! Sadly that means they're growing grass on walls and not understanding that shouldn't really be happening. Spino doesn't seem to realize much of anything, just still floating around like a big dope and continuing to eat fish, and Carno is Carno and actually ate Bob this time. Carno got put in the "time out" corner. Cerato heard those tazing noises and scampered into his corner in a heartbeat as the massive asshole got what was coming.

Cerato doesn't seem to be showing much, either, but lately, when I've been goofing off and watching youtube instead of being an actual scientist, he gets real curious. Just rolls up and sniffs in my direction like he's trying to watch with me. He also gets like that whenever he hears someone unwrapping something. I wondered why...

...Up until I saw Kana giving him a Russel Stover bar. Do we even know if chocolate hurts dinos? Do they even have taste buds like we do? Either way, Cerato ate that as if it was his birthday and nearly took Kana's hand with it. This is a carnivore and here we are, feeding it chocolate. For "science". We're not completely stupid, though: someone followed that up by giving him a burger, too. And raw steaks.

What next, we're gonna be feeding him the dry-aged shit? Iberico ham? Caviar? Either way, least he's eating better.

...Wonder what he'd say if he could talk, though.

April 20th:

I hate being outdoors. Mosquitos are the bane of my existence, and yet here I am, the fuckers feasting on me as I play dinosaur babysitter on dino island.. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

Raptor Clique are a bunch of magicians now, making sparks, icicles, fire, wind, and... party favors. The mage Raptors have shunned their party friend in favor of being wizards. Party Raptor doots on... by herself. She seems a bit happier that way, dooting in the general direction of the triceratops, who really just want to mind their own business. Carno got too close to them and they tag teamed him, just slamming him down and covering him with rocks and moss before strugging off. Bastard's angry as hell but he can't do shit about it.

Spino alert: he is the happiest, just eating fish and occasionally getting into it with a shark. RIP that shark. Currently suntanning on the beach like a model and screeching at Carno whenever he gets too close. Doesn't seem to mind Cerato, since Cerato's using him as a shield against Carno. He still seems afraid, though, so even though he's not really much of a fish guy, he catches fish and gives 'em to spino like its an offering. Paying him for his services, maybe?

Speaking of Cerato, he's had his eye on Lewis's dinosaur diorama. Just can't pry his eyes away. Meanwhile, I was just glaring at the Spinosaur toy he got before me. Bastard ordered one and didn't even tell me. Sold out just before I got there.

Lewis, if you ever read this, you're dead to me.

April 21st:

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit

Okay. Calm down, I can get through this.

Carno... Carno got powers. He got 'em, alright. First noticed it when the bars of his cage were a little bent. Put it back in place and thought it was all alright. But every night, they seem to get bent wider and wider. And Carno's always staring intently at it...

We put him in a different cage for now, but I feel like it might not be enough. Especially if he figures out how to work it. I swear, he's got raptor blood in him. Hell, all of them do. Especially the raptors, but that's to be expected.

Speaking of, Party Raptor is in her own cage now, dooting it up and having the time of her life. I gave her a kazoo for laughs, and now she won't stop. I've created a monster. Soon she will have the kazoo skills to win musical competitions and I'll be awarded 20 gold trophies for my efforts.

Tris are Tris, Spino is Spino, Cerato is trying to learn how to lockpick and actually broke out. We didn't need to tranq him though, we just saw him attempting to do what no dino could possibly do and sit in a chair. Chair-sama has died for our sins. Also ate Lewis's burger like a champion. Take THAT Lewis, serves you right.

Everyone's pretending everything's alright, but the raptors are sensing something wrong. Already coming up with attack plans, I guess? Cerato's definitely on edge, hugging that corner like its gonna protect it. Gave him a safety blanket, and he just hid under that instead. A good replacement for when Spino can't comfort him.

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April 22^nd:

Cerato broke out with Party Raptor and had their own little party. Had to escort them back into their cages, but Party Raptor continues to doot in protest. Her fellow raptors are annoyed and probably told her to shut up, but she doots on.

There's slamming noises somewhere. Already packed my bags and have several tranqs ready to go.

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April 23^rd:

Spino's growling and getting aggressive. The slamming noises are getting louder. "There is nothing to fear," higher ups say.

Nothing to fear, my ass. They said something about administering another injection. I think I might know what it is... and I don't want to be here for it.

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April 25th

FUCK-

*Blood is splattered all over the pages.*

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April 29^th:

Never enough morphine for this shit

"There's nothing to fear" they said

Yeah tell that to the people who got smeared and eaten you dumbasses

Press is hush hush. Head Honcho bought their silence. Bought mine, too, but only for so long.

Tris are dead. Fire Raptor's alive. Dunno about his other wizard friends. Party Raptor and Cerato's with me. Spino's... somewhere. With a trusted friend. Can't trust bigwigs to not fuck up everything.

Fucker bit Cerato. Instant trauma, wild flailing. Didn't even fight back. Spino broke out and came to his rescue and nearly snapped fucker's neck. If those idiots didn't tranq him, their favorite would have gotten thrashed.

Don't know what they're planning with him now.

All I know is that they won't learn. They'll never learn.

If they get their hands on the rest... There's no telling what they'll do.

Cerato's on the bed, clutching onto Lewis's Spino toy tightly. Won't come from under the blankets. Party Raptor trying her best to comfort him with the song of her people. It’s not working.

God, if only the Kobbers were here already.

It Begins... Again

"You've gotta be shitting me!"

Prier glared at the mail in her hand so hard, one would think lasers would come out of her eyes to pierce through that and the ugly green couch she was sitting on. Brandon watched with a frown, fiddling with his fingers as Pookums put her head in Prier's lap.

The nun balled it up and tossed it away, grumbling, "Damn it, couldn't they tell me before I got here? And what took them so long getting this to me, anyway?"

"I don't think you told them that we found a cheap place in Olympia, Prier," Brandon answered weakly, shrinking away as Prier turned her gaze towards him. "That, and isn't your home pretty far away? And maybe they didn't have this until now?"

"Mmmrg." The nun slumped back into the couch until it looked like the couch was absorbing her. "And its gonna be a pain in the ass, ain't it."

"A mission, then?"

"Something like that." Prier stretched a bit and yawned as she continued, "Something about some people going missing. Some in Paprika, so I can't help with that, but..." She rolled over and sighed now as she added, "Heard some followed me here, or tried to. "

Brandon smiled just a tad, though he still fiddled around with his fingers as he said, "Guess they were impressed with your Brawl stuff last year, huh?"

"Maybe? Its not like I really talked much to everybody aside from my brother. Maybe chatted a bit, but I was mostly doing my own thing." Prier finally sat up, head propped up in her hand, drumming against the couch arm with her free one. "But whatever their reason for coming here, they either never made it... or their stay was cut short or something." Another grumpy sigh, Prier ignoring a door creaking nearby. "And without a lead, can't really DO much about it!"

More grumbling would have ensued, had a third voice hadn't chimed in with a, "Well, for one, you could ask whoever's in charge to put a tracker on 'em." Prier and Brandon turned their heads towards the source: Nikki, with a detective hat on and what looked like a pipe. A pipe that she was blowing bubbles out of.

"Nikki, where on earth did you get that?" was probably not the response the aspiring detective wanted to get, especially not from Brandon. "Did you go to Party Hardy without me?!?"

She stared at him for a second before she said, "I plead the 5th." She then turned her attention to Prier before Brandon could guilt her with the look of sheer betrayal on his face. "Now, about tracking..."

Prier looked up at her and shrugged. "Don't know about that. Paprika isn't exactly technologically advanced yet. Working on it, but it's taking time. We got computers and phones, but nothing like trackers."

"How about magic spells for tracking?"

"Don't think anyone was smart enough for that."

"Then send your pet bat with them as an escort."

Prier opened her mouth to retort, then put a finger on her chin. "That might actually work, but I have no idea when the fuck someone else is coming. Getting in contact with them's gonna take a bit."

Nikki shrugged and said, "Well, something's better than nothing. In the meantime, I can keep an eye out for any missing nuns and priests in the area, any witnesses. They wear the same shit you do, right?"

Prier looked up at her with a shocked look. "...I thought I was the only one wearing this. And if I'm not..." That weird look was quickly into anger. "Then that old man's gonna need a proper kick to the crotch to fix it."

"Okaaay, I'll take that as a no until proven otherwise." Nikki blew a few bubbles from her pipe before she started to walk off. "Well, off to work. I'll pass the word on to Brownie and pals..." She paused for a second before she added reluctantly, "Oh, and Team FBI Kissasses, too, I guess. You haven't died until you've listened to them give the most BORING reports. Watching paint dry would be more entertaining than listening them." Halfway out the door, and she just shakes her head as she adds, "They don't even fucking spin on the chairs when nobody's looking. No fun."

Brandon got over his betrayal long enough to be concerned. "Oooh boy, have fun with that? Maybe don't go out to whatever their idea of a good time is?"

"It'd just be an invite to watching a police documentary or some shit!" Nikki called out when she was out the door, before she swiftly shut the door behind her.

Brando and Prier exchanged glances for a moment.

"Brando, ya think your bud's gonna handle that alright?"

He gave her the thousand yard stare, a stare that saw right through her and sent shivers down her spine.

"Nope."

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"Aaaand that's that!"

The Planeswardens looked up at their new HQ, eyes glistening with glee. It took work, fixing up a broken down Holiday Inn. It wasn't even their first choice, considering all the damage. But the big bosses got it for cheap because it was such a fixer upper, and so, fixed, they did. With the big ribbon snipped by Halla with dramatic flair, the Nerd Brigade stampeded in like their lives depended on it, Dia and Duer wisely sidestepping the likes of Biscotti and pals in their haste to claim rooms.

"DIBS ON ROOM 169!" Biscotti shouted amongst the crowd, throwing her weight around to get to the front of the pack. "I CALLED DIBS, NOBODY GONNA HAVE IT BUT ME!"

Several nerds complained, but their complaints weren't heard for long as they piled inside, leaving Duer, Kela, Halla, Dia, and Starla out to bask in the glory of the Halla Day Inn.

"Well, one problem solved, 99 more to go," Duer said with a smirk, turning towards Halla. "Thanks for lending a hand. Think I'd lose my goddamned mind if I did this all by myself."

"Thank me by letting me help ya guys more often, then!" Halla replied, chuckling and slapping Duer on the shoulder. Slapping him hard enough that a small chunk chipped off of the rockdog's body. While Duer stared in horror, Halla's expression turned dark as she said, "Really, though, wish I could help more, but my arms are tied. Something feels wrong about the meetings now. Auralis feels it, too: they're a lot more tense, and Ivan's been yapping more and influencing others a lot more often. That includes the whole, uh, Earth Sect budget..." Halla looked down at her feet and slumped. "Kinda... didn't help much there. I'm no good about budget talks, just punching."

Now it was Dia's turn to pat Halla on the shoulder. Or back, since Dia couldn't exactly reach Halla's shoulder. "You did your best. That's all we can really ask for. Although Ivan having more of a say in things is concerning. And still no sign of Magus..."

"Feels like it's leading up to something," Kela said, closing her eyes as she crossed her arms. "With Magus missing, Ivan's getting bold. There's more dissonance in the force than ever. It's getting harder to get things done here in this sect." She furrowed her brows as she turned towards Duer and asked, "You hear anything from your guys yet? You haven't mentioned them in a while."

"I did get reports about Ivan's sect suddenly getting pay raises and one of them being flashy about it," Duer said, "but that was about a month ago. I haven't heard anything from them since. Might be keeping quiet since they're not finding anything indicative of anything concrete, hard evidence of system rigging or anything happening with Magus."

Kela's eyes narrowed further. "Or they could have been captured because they found out something that was."

The crew fell silent, Halla turning furious at the thought, Duer looking away awkwardly like a dog charged with shitting the bed, Dia fiddling with a ribbon on her finger and looking back and forth between everyone.

"Are we really going to play the 'be awkward and say nothing' game? Really?" All attention turned to Starla, the nerd clearly grumpy about the situation. "Really. Okay, we don't know which situation is the right one, but guess what? We can find out by, oh, I don't know, throwing a fucking Kobber at it. They're not tied to our politics or rules and they have full rights to punch whoever is doing obstruction of justice, IF there's any going on. I mean, the kitsune kid's a fucking Kobber, and god help any fucko who hurts her. Dia, how many moms she got?"

"Two. Three if you count Selena, who would probably like her!"

"Yeah, fuck whoever hurts her because hell has no fury like a mother scorned, nevermind three of them." Starla pushed her spectacles up and looks Duer right in the eye as she said, "So, if that radio silence goes on way too long, throw the moms at it and watch the problem die. Horribly."

Duer stared at her before he shrugged. "Fair point. I'll see if I can find info on their last whereabouts, just in case.

By the way, where the fuck is Seles? Thought she'd be here by now!"

Dia and Starla looked him dead in the eye at the same time as they said simultaneously, "Making a biker gang."

"...Making a biker gang?"

"She wants an excuse to ride a motorcycle on slow days," Dia pointed out.

"Also so she can bully the bullies in the area," Starla added with a smirk.  "Because from what I heard, there's a lotta guys that need a lil comeuppance in this area. It'll keep her busy when there's no Ladeca nonsense or Kobber shit to catch her attention."

Duer sighed as he led the group into the Inn, looking over his shoulder for a moment  and seeing someone hide the moment he spotted them. A girl, maybe? Meh, not important. "Well, whatever floats her boat. Just hope she doesn't go overboard.

Speaking of overboard, Halla, we need to talk about Hiroki..."

As the gang went in, Kisha finally stopped hiding behind a trash can and peered over it, staring at the new hotel with a confused look.

"Cripes, looks like a whole gaggle of cosplayers went in there," she said as she straightened herself up. "So many nerds rushed in there... Don't even think there's room.

Ugh, maybe I should just look for a room right next to Valhalla.

...Maybe the bartender'll let me sleep there as I get my whole job thing worked out."

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Resumes. So many resumes. Resumes upon resumes upon resumes.

And here Juan was, sending resumes just about everywhere, eyes nearly burned out by the computer, eyelids drooping as he sends yet another one in someone's direction.

"I don't envy this generation," he said afterwards, slumping in his seat and yawning loud enough to catch the attention of a certain stretchy cat. "Don't know how they have the patience to send all of this and wait for an answer. An answer that'll never come..."

From the corner of his eye, he saw Sonia, who looked pretty baffled by everything, all dressed up in what looked like a chef's suit. "Oooh, you're job hunting now? Thought you were looking for faith!"

"Sadly, faith doesn't have a Tinder equivalent, so a job's the next best thing." More staring, the god awkwardly turning his seat towards Sonia as he explained, "You know, they place their FAITH in you... to do a good job? You know, that sorta thing?

...I mean, I technically have 0 experience in anything aside from management BUT it's worth a shot-"

That curiosity turned to glee as Sonia shouted, "Well, why didn't ya say so? I got a nice job  I start in a few days~ Maybe if I pull a few strings, I can help you get a job there, too!"

"Uh... where DID you get a job, Sonia?"

The witch smiled and snapped her fingers, a letter showing up in Juan's hands. He squinted and read through it, his eyes widening with every word he read, until he finally looked up at Sonia again with absolute shock.

"Sonia, how the fuck did you get a job at VALHALLA?"

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"To be remembered, to be known.
Isn't that the wish of all?

But you are forgotten. Rejected. No one.
Too afraid to gain the recognition you deserve.
Trembling in the shadows of those who rose to the heights of fame.
Wishing to gain the attention of your idols.
Yearning for the fame that slipped through your fingers like sand.

For those who desire to be remembered, come now to Olympia. Come, join the Revue of Rejects, and become the blazing star to light the skies, a star to be remembered in the heart of all!"

The biker girl looked up at... well, she wasn't sure what she was looking at, just some weird part dragon dude who looked like he could cry the minute you even stared at him for too long. She looked back down at the letter, then back at him.

"So... you came all the way out of Manhattan to find me and get me to investigate this," she said calmly.

The dragon boy frowned and looked down at his feet. "Well, uh, yes, because um... sounds like Kobbery business and, if I remember, you're, uh... a Kobber fan. And also like one of those shrine maiden girls."

She sat up straight on her motorcycle and glanced at the letter again. "Sure is, and it smells fishy. Sounds like someone caught wind of your brief run in with them... um..." She pulled out the envelope and squinted at the letters. "...I'm not saying that name. We're calling you Bob."

"But that IS my real-"

The girl cut him off and said, "Yeah, no, I'm not saying that, everyone's going to call you unsavory nicknames and I'm not about that life. So, Bob, someone found out about your brief run in with the Kobbers, and think you're seeking fame with them. But obviously, considering the effort you went through to come and find me here to give me this, you don't."

"I wouldn't be a good fit, no. I found that out a while back."

"And so, you want me to find out who sent this and look into their intentions."

"And, uh, do the Kobbery thing if you find out they're up to no good, yes," Bob said, nodding his head along. "I mean, you're kinda famous on forums for resolving incidents and all, so, uh, you can handle it, right?"

Bob flinched a little as the girl smiled a bit and said, "Yeah, got it. You can go home and rest easy, and I'll take care of it."

"Oh, uh... do you want pay-"

"Thrill's all the pay I need." A pause. "Food money's good, though."

"I have a hundred dollars-"

"Deal."

As Bob went on his way, the girl looked down at the letter again, her smile widening.

"Well, well. Who knew moving to Olympia would bring Kobber sheenanigans before the Kobbers get here? Gonna be one helluva job, for sure. For now..."

She heard the roar of motorcycles, their shadows cast on her. She revved up her own, her eyes meeting with the massive, ripped woman challenging her with a wild grin.

"Time to kick some ass."