An Amusing Dream

 "Ever wonder just how you get an idea? Maybe a bit of inspiration? Or maybe it's a big ol' 'EUUUUREKA!' moment? What? You thought about that all by yourself? Look at you, all grown up and gettin' thoughts! Really, though, every once in a while, I'll give ya a lil hand and squeeze some of that brain juice out to reaaally get those creative juices flowing!

Who am I? WHO AM I?!? Well, ya heard of Muses, right? Norse- NO, Greek mythology? Sisters? Each had their own shindig that humans at the time thought they were responsible for? Yep, knew that'd ring a bell! WELL... I ain't them. They're long gone, see? Saw how their gods were doin', read all papers about Zeus bangin' everything in sight, and noped on outta there! No, no, no, no, no, I'm like them, but not actually them, capiche? Miss Amanda Muse is the name, and inspiration's my game! Here's my business card, an exclusive t-shirt, and a branded kazoo for ya! No need to thank me, you won't have 'em once you wake up anyway.

I come in your dreams, in your lil sleepy addled thoughts, and give ya ideas! You wouldn't remember me, I look different every time dependin' on the dream! Your dreams goin' wild and crazy? I miiight have been fiddlin' around your noggin. For example, ooonce upon a time, yours truly popped into a dream, some sorta Pokemon battle thing! Decided to transform into a cat thing that can change based on the genre of music its usin', and whaddya know, that same cat was summoned by one of Wize Guy's gang for somethin' or other! Only once, but once is enough for me!

I don't do that all the time, though. All work and no play makes Muse a dull girl and all! Sometimes I just pop in and just turn into whatever and see if I stick out enough for someone to remember that oooone itty bitty detail. Bit of prankstery stuff, not really expectin' that it'd inspire, say, Adeline to paint the Sistine Chapel or somethin'! Just havin' some good ol' fun, y'see? Hey, it's borin' when you're just stuck in the Dream World and can't enjoy the better things in life like maple syrup and waffles! No, I ain't bitter or nothin', no siiirreee.

So maybe every once in a while, say, 'Thanks Miss Muse!' If ya lucid dream, then share a martini with me! Or a Manhattan! Sure, if ya lucid dream we can get down and dirty. I ain't too shy about it- wait, hold HANDS?! Woah, you're movin' at the speed of light on this relationship, buddy! 

Naaah, just joshin' ya, kid! Ya ever met Auntie Anne? Yeah? I'm kinda like her, but I come to you instead of you goin' to her! That, and I ain't here to give advice aside from stop abusing the thesaurus, ya dumbass! Spammin' said's FINE! Ignore whoever said ya always gotta use fancy-schmancy words to spice up your story! Said just rolls off the brain like water off a duck, so use those special words for somethin' that needs a POP!

What, you wanna remember me? Not many people can do that, no sir! Lucid dreamers can maybe figure it out, but most of the time, your dream'll be slippin outta your brain faster than you can think about any enseey-weensie details. Don't give me that look, I know what I'm gettin' myself into! I don't need to be remembered, I just wanna leave some sorta IMPACT! Bring somethin' new to the table so that new ideas get put into action! Everybody remembers the warrior who did all the heavy liftin', but not so much the bard who tags along and give him a helpin' hand, and y'know what?  That's fine by me!

N-no, I don't need company or nothin'. A dream spirit's bound to be forgotten, and if you ain't cozy with that, this ain't the job for ya. Yeah, it gets lonely since ya gotta go through this whole thing of 'are ya worthy of bein' one of us' and lemme tell ya, that application process takes so long, your bod's gonna be half rotted six feet under before they even call ya up for an interview! 'Wait, i have to be DEAD to be one of them?' Well, duh! Things get complicated otherwise. Doubt you'd want to basically be in a coma with your body shrivelin' up like a prune while your brain's stuck on REM sleep mode tryin' to do dream spirit stuff. Naaaasty stuff. They stopped that after a whole controversy centuries ago, but I won't bore ya with the details. 

Whoops, look at the time! You're fadin'! Sorry, seems like we gotta say 'sayonara'! Maybe if ya practice writin' down dreams, maybe you'll remember me a lil better! Don't worry, we'll see each other again, one way or another! Maybe I'll look different! Maybe I won't! Just make sure to take what ya can remember and see  if you can make somethin' out of it! Adios, muchachos!"

Rising Star(s)

 "Ohoohooo, what do we have here?"

Stellaris peeked behind an alley with a mischevious smile as she looked upon Agama's ports with curiosity. There was a bunch of hubbub here all of a sudden without a Kobber in sight, and clearly that meant some sort of celebrity was here? If she could get on their good side, it'd give her a clear advantage to advertise over Esme's business! She could taste success right then and there, creeping up and blending in with the crowds.

She had to admit: the ship that everyone was gawking at was rather impressive. Massive, even. Maybe it was big enough to hold two of everything in there, least in Stellaris's mind. Elegant, yet dangerous with the several cannons she could see on the side. The men coming down from it were hardly anything to talk about. Sure, they looked nice, but she could smell some sort of stink on them. Now, the man in purple, with an outfit fitting for a captain and a pencil-thin, pointy stashe? He was fame material! 

The fortune teller shoved her way through the crowd towards the very front, taking in everything on that man. The many badges, the golden trim around his sleeves, the way he walked with such confidence! 

"Step aside, step aside!" called out one crew member. "Make way for the one and only Captain of the Seven Skies, the wonderous, illustrious, fantabulous Lord Valor!" The crowds parted like the red sea to let Lord Valor through, the man clearly soaking in all the attention. 

Pulling out her phone to look him up, Stellaris found almost nothing about him. A little footnote here and there, but nothing stood out to her that screamed 'Oh, HIM!' Stellaris glared at him now, miffed that he wasn't the superstar she thought he was, before the crowds cheers intensified suddenly. So suddenly, in fact, she had to cover her ears to protect her precious eardrums!

"What on EARTH are you people cheering for? A nobody?!" Stellaris tried to shout, her voice drowned out by the crowd. She fumed for a bit until she saw someone else disembarking the boat, a fishy tail waggling behind her, her hair flowing in the wind.

"YUI!!!!" shouted the crowd, throwing flowers and glitter as the idol trailed behind Lord Valor with a derpy smile. "YUI! YUI! YUI!"

It all clicked... maybe. Stellaris had to make sure by looking her up. Instantly, she was bombarded with site after site after site devoted to this famous fishlady. All of them seemed to have been made within the last couple of months, but that didn't particularly catch her eye. No, it was the Youtube videos of her doing silly, childish things, the photoshoots, the huge amount of effort that went into her Wiki page that wasn't simply a list of traits she has (or had). 

For a moment, the fortune teller frowned as Yui went on her way, skipping as cheerfully as a child. To be that free to do silly things... No. Someone would think she was immature rather than cutesy eventually, right? She's too carefree, with hardly a worry! She hadn't had to work for anything, not even earning the approval of those who tutored her! Here Yui was, prancing about like some sudden superstar while she, the great Stellaris, had to toil for her fame and status for years before she got even close to being a mainstay?!

Such furious thoughts consumed her entirely, to the point where the crowd was gone by the time she snapped out of it. She huffed and crossed her arms. She didn't need this Yui girl to get back into the Astrology game! No, tutoring Hakra would bring even better results! To teach one who mingles upon the Kobbers meant that her name would spread through their circle, and the Kobbers would come pouring into her shop in no time!

Yes, yes, that was the way, she thought as she marched on home. Who needed that weirdo, anyway?

------------------

Yui honestly didn't know much about what was going on. The crowds were nice and pleasant, and she met people she was certain might be important. Like the red bunny girl who asked about the permits. Or the big bird welcoming the Lord to Agama. And the blue dinosaur thing. 

What warranted such attention? All she knew was that the pirates asked her to pose and be cute, so she did so. They gave her food afterwards, which was nice. Then they asked her to act natural and be silly, and she had no idea what that meant, but being clumsy with dishes and singing seemed to make them happy! Five days a week, they did this, and every time she was somewhere new with weird things, like zebras and giraffes in a zoo, or fellow fish trapped within the confines of a cage that kinda looked happier here than in the sea, and some sort of two wheeled thing they called a bike. Each and every one was a learning experience for her, and she figured maybe they wanted to capture the moment.

Then she had all these letters she couldn't read ("Who wrote this in CURSIVE?!?" grumbled a pirate) and pictures of people who somehow looked like her pinned in her room. She liked the drawings they sent the most, because she could understand those the best. They liked her, right? She didn't know who they were, but they liked her!

A fan approached her with a flower in hand, looking at her with bright eyes. "Yui, I'm so glad to meet you! I, uh, brought a gift! Do you like flowers?"

Yui opened her mouth to respond when a pirate interjected with a laugh, stepping inbetween them as he said, "Sorry, kid, she strained her voice singing the other day! Maybe you and her can talk... later, maybe?"

Before she knew it, Yui was pushed ahead, far, far ahead of the crowd. She frowned. That flower looked pretty, and she wanted to practice her Thank Yous. But maybe they wanted to wait until she was fluent in the human tongue? They never did ask her to talk or anything. Even her singing was really just humming! It was so strange, but maybe that was how it was in the human world?

A long, long day waited ahead of her, though. One Lord Valor was more than happy to announce.

"Part 1 of Mascot Mania is complete! They absolutely love her, thanks to my clever and witty ways with the internet! Now, it's time to begin Part 2: win the entire city's trust and love, and milk as much money out of these poor peasants as possible! Then, if Xiulan is still alive, she will come and confront me, but be unable to hurt me while we take her head! And if she ISN'T alive..." Lord Valor stroked his moustashe and chuckled. "Then we'll have enough money to spend fuel to find her miserable, rotting body on the seas! Nyeheheheh!"

"Nyehehehehe!" Yui repeated, not sure what was so funny about the situation but trying to fit in anyway with the pirates that chuckled along. 

The Fishy Mascot

 Ah, to be a fish in the sea! To be surrounded by friends and family in schools, with little worries except where the next meal would be! To swim and be free, and-

SLAP. A school of fish were dazed as a saw pierced through. They scattered best they could, swimming as fast as their fins would allow. Most would live to see another day, but some would meet their end as they were gulped right up.

The sawfish chowed down on them, content as could be. Good thing, too: they might have starved if they didn't find anything! The sawfish lazily drifted away, glancing towards the seabed in case any other tasty morsels were hidden within.

It was the same old thing day after day: hunt, dig, eat, repeat. Maybe they'd find a mate, or hide from a shark, but it was about as thrilling as watching grass grow. Maybe they'd see another one of their number? No. They haven't seen their kin for miles. The last time they did, the hook from the heavens dragged them up above the surface, and they were never seen again. 

They were careful to stay close to the seabed, resisting the temptation of free food from above. They did not want to meet such a fate. No, they would rather keep with their lives, boring as they may be.

The sawfish enjoyed their simple life, up until they were cloaked in blinding light. They flailed violently, thinking maybe they were being attacked. What could possibly do such a thing, when the Lanternfish lived in deeper depths than them? Panic spread, the sawfish continuing to flail until suddenly, all went dark.

---------------------

"-sure this is okay? She looks kind of out of it..."

"Of COURSE it's okay! The spell worked, did it not? Who needs that brutish samurai when we have HER?!?"

The sawfish choked as she awoke, unfamiliar with the power of human lungs. Open air terrified her as she was no longer cloaked in the sea's embrace. She was dying, wasn't she? She would meet the same fate as her breathren, and become someone else's dinner! What a terrible fate she met!

"Oh, Boss, she's awake!"

Words. Words she understood, but she didn't understand why or how. There was no time to comprehend that as she used her "fins" to prop herself up. They felt weird,  segmented. It was no exageration to say that this was the most she felt ever in her life. And her life didn't seem to be fading. She was breathing, wasn't she? Maybe not through gills, but something?

She gawked at the men who stood around her, staring blankly at them and freezing in place. Humans? Here? Where was she? And why was that weird man with the hair above his lips approaching her with a smile? Oh no, he was going to eat her, wasn't he?

"Why, hello, and welcome!" he said. "Oh, I'm sure you're quite startled, but not to worry! None of us will lay a finger on you. Wouldn't do well to hurt our mascot after summoning her, no?"

The 'sawfish' stared at him with confusion. A mascot? What IS that? Was it a different type of fish?  Ugh, she felt something on her back and shook her head to get rid of it, but clumps of wet hair just flopped into her face instead. 

"But now that you are here, I do humbly and sincerely request that you simply look good! Smile, and be merry! You will feast with your newfound family and have a room all your own, and you will be the envy of women everywhere! Ha, even our 'darling' captain would go mad knowing she's no longer the mascot of this crew!"

The weird hairy man just kept talking and talking. She didn't know what to do. Food? Free food was nice. Her eyes glazed over as she imagined eating shrimp and oysters for days on end. Maybe some guppies here and there. A mantis shrimp as a treat, too? The possibilities were endless!

She was jolted out of her thoughts when someone nudged her on the side. 

"Psst. You really not gonna say thank you to him?" She turned towards the pirate, who looked upon her with concern. "You should say something, otherwise Lord Valor might throw a fit."

"Blub?" Even she was startled when the word came out of her mouth. "Blub?!? Blub blub.  Glub." 

The pirate looked over at Lord Valor now, sweat dripping down the side of his cheek. "Uh, Lord Valor, I think the spell messed up somewhere. Did you mess up the words or something?"

Lord Valor turned red as a tomato and stomped his foot down. "Of COURSE not! 'O, Lord of the Sea, bringeth to me a mascot who understands me!' How could I possibly make a mistake?"

"Because she's, you know... not speaking words?"

"Blub?" 

As the pirates exchanged glances, Lord Valor huffed and crossed his arms. "I-I clearly planned for this! Clearly, she understands us, but it is up to us to teach her to speak! Even then, she doesn't NEED to speak to be a mascot for our ship, no?"

"But what if she wanders off somewhere without us?"

"She'll remain on the ship and close to our sides at all times! As if we'd even think about letting her out of our sights!"

"How can we tell she's hungry or thirsty or has to use the bathroom-"

"We feed her on a schedule, you dunce! Isn't that simple?" With a huff and a puff, Lord Valor Now, enough questions! We need a name for her, and quickly! Something cute, something memorable!"

The fish girl sat as they all tossed out suggestions, unsure of how to think of this. She only knew herself as Sawfish. That was the extent of who and what she was. Now she was more, and she couldn't just name herself Human. Who could grasp the concept of a name, when a name was never needed in the world she lived in?

"How about Paimon?"

"I'm going with Fisharina!"

"Gross! We should just call her Saara! With TWO As!"

"The Cooler Xiulan!"

Suggestion after suggestion came out, each one more infuriating than the last. Crimson with anger, Lord Valor shouted, "Stop joking around, you buffoons! Why would we name such a beautiful girl something like 'Paimon?' Does no one have any sense of taste?" Complete and utter silence. The captain grumbled and shook his head. "Fine, we'll worry about her name later! One of you, teach her how to read and write! Can't have her seem illiterate, otherwise we'd become a laughingstock! Now, GO!"

It took some time before the former sawfish became comfortable in her new body. Walking was an experience, almost tripping over herself with each step. The pirates were kind enough to escort her and teach her, at least? She proved to be a fast learner, learning the alphabet and words associated with each letter. She couldn't speak them aside from a few she found interesting: "Y...U... I." Those three letters together felt nice to her, enough that when she finally learned to write, she wrote those down over and over and smiled like a child.

With time, the pirates noticed, and taught her how to pronounce it. And when the sounds came out, it felt pleasant. No, it felt right, somehow.

"Yui. Yui. Yuuuuiiiiii."

As annoying as it was for her to keep saying that, the crew decided that they might as well call her that. She responded to that more consistently, so why not? Now, as for whether the captain would like their 'mascot' to be saying her name all the time was another story. A story they'd prefer to delay as long as possible.

Seeing her smile every time they called her, though? It almost made their hearts melt. Almost. The perfect name for a perfect mascot.