A Magical Moment

"Auuuuugh"

Diadem heard Duer groan from across the room as she made several edits to her blog to make it look a little nicer than it was two seconds ago. She turned around and saw him slump into the ugly green couch, staring at the ceiling with his glowing red eyes with a bored look on his craggy face.

"Auuuuugh," he said again, his entire body sinking further into the cough. "Dia, is there ANYTHING to do right now?"

"If there was, I think I would have told you by now, Duer," Dia replied with a frown before turning back to her work. "This offseason's kind of slow for some reason."

"Probably because people heard 'Kobbers' and decided to avoid this dimension altogether," Duer grumbled, turning to his side and staring at the TV cabinet instead. "Guess we have moving to that island to look forward to, but I don't think we'll be having many interdimensional incidents this time around."

"You never know: they can happen at any moment!"

"Until then, though..." Duer sighed as he scratched his head. "We're stuck doing nothing, and with nothing planned for the future. Except for maybe handling Oboro's shit."

For the next few minutes, the shack was silent as Dia cleaned up more of her blog and posted pictures of herself being cute. She had to admit, it would be nice to have something to do while she was on Kuwahawi aside from her job as both a Planeswarden and a Publicity Agent. Something fun to do on the side, something to look forward to! But  that sort of thing doesn't come easily...

Beep, beep!

Duer was startled out of his stupor as Dia's phone vibrated, the couch creaking as he sat right up. Dia glanced over at it and unlocked her phone to see what was going on. Nobody sent her a text or called  her, but the number of emails definitely went up by one. And after she went through all the trouble of cleaning it out!

She opened it up in her laptop, her eyes widening as she read the contents, Duer peering over her shoulder.

"Congratulations, Diadem!

You are one of the many people chosen for the production of 'Magical Girl Mayhem', handpicked  by the producers behind 'Beautiful Bearoness Brianna' and 'Fight On! Punch-Out Princess'! This show focuses on those wishing to become magical girls, doing whatever it takes to become the best of the best!  There'll be love, friendship, and plenty of combat for those who are itching for a battle!

If you are interested in being one of the first official Magical Girls for this production, send a reply back with a cover letter detailing your interest!"

Dia and Duer exchanged glances for a moment before turning back to the email. Duer looked back at Dia with a concerned look as excitement spread on her face.

"Dia, this is probably the most obvious scam I've seen in centuries," he said bluntly. "You're not really considering this, are you?"

The milletian smiled apologetically at him as she replied, "Well, you're probably right... but it is tempting! I mean, we can at least look into the validity of the claims, right?"

"By throwing yourself into a trap?"

"...Yes?"

Duer opened his mouth to say something when Dia's phone went off. She hastily picked it up and answered with, "Hi, Diadem speaking!"

"Oh, uh, hi!" said a nasally voice on the other side. "It's me, Brandon! I think... I think Sammy discussed something with you about me?"

Dia's eyes lit up with excitement. "Of course she did! You're the other publicist, right? It's so nice to actually talk to you! Did you need anything?"

"Not really, I'm just kind of curious about something." Dia could hear some tapping and the vauge sound of reggaeton playing in the background. "Did you happen to get an email about this show called 'Magical Girl Mahem?' "

Duer mouthed 'Spoopy' to Dia, the elf stiffling a chuckle as she asnwered, "Yes! How'd you know?"


"Um, Sammy got something similar... and my first thought was, 'Dia probably got this, too!'" Brandon chuckled a little bit before he continued, "And coincidently, I got one, too. I think someone thought B.C. was the initials for a girl's name... or confused me for my own character, somehow. Sammy thought it was spam and deleted it. I was gonna do the same, but one of my friends kiiiind of wanted to see where it went. And honestly, I'm kind of curious, too! So I was wondering... do you think we could investigate it together?"

Dia thought about it for all of two seconds before she replied cheerfully, "Of course! With all three of us on the case, we'll find the truth of the matter! And maybe get a tiny bit famous! I wonder if Kogasa got an email?"

"Not sure; the email mentioned something about becoming a magical girl. Kevvy is kind of already a Magical Girl... on TV, I mean. So there's no reason for them to send it to him..."

"Hmmm. I'll have to check! Anyway, I'm gonna reply to the email and see if I can find anything else on this! If you find out anything, just give me a call, okay?"

"O-of course, of course! Ah, um, thank you for your time! Have a good day!"

Click. Diadem squealed on the inside as she replied to the email, although her spirits were kind of dampened by Duer giving her a look of disbelief.

"We're really doing this, then?" he asked. "We're really going to go down the rabbit hole?"

"As long as we don't have anything to do," Dia said with a nervous smile, "I don't see why not! I mean, aren't you even a little curious?"

Duer sighed and flung himself back onto the couch, the pillows sinking as far as they can go under his weight. "Just a little. If it involves a good fight, I'd throw myself in, but not until we find out whether or not this is true."

"I'm on it, Duer, don't you worry! I'll confirm everything before you know it!" Dia replied with a wink.

For the next few days, Dia did all she could to see if it was a scam, while Duer found himself some magical girl animes to binge on when Dia had a moment to spare.

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"Did they all get the email?"

"Of course, poppo! They all recieved them! We personalized a few of them, and we're already rolling in responses!"

"Wow, I can hardly believe that worked, considering you guys wrote it! Well, that's sure to please the master. Now, did we get all the equipment?"

"I got the cameras!"

"I got the green screens!"

"I stole Kai's wallet, poppo."

"Give it back before he beats Master silly."

"But it had 20 dollars!"

"20 dollars isn't going to touch even a fraction of the budget we need to make this work! Sheesh. And this is what I have to work with?

Anyway, keep 'em posted. Let's keep with the preparations on Kuwahawi; there's going to be a bigger audience there, with those Kobbers around. Who knows? Maybe one of them will join this madness."

"Roger, poppo!"


"Man... I can't believe she got me involved in this. First board games, now this. This will probably end up flopping harder than a fish on the island... and what is she planning, recruiting some weirdoes from New York into this? 'Every magical girl anime needs major antagoinists!' Yeah, but was that really necessary?"

"Sigh.... I don't think I have a big enough paycheck for this shit... poppo."

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COMING THIS SPRING:

 DIABRANDOPLOT: MAGICAL GIRL MAYHEM!

PLEASE WAIT WARMLY UNTIL IT IS READY!

Aqua Princess Rita: Issue 2

It’s another beautiful day in the wondrous Tara City! The skies were blue, the sun was shining, there was a stampede of angry bears…

Even the resident monarch isn’t quite sure how so many bears breached the castle city’s perimeters, but here they were! They were raiding grocery stores, garbage cans, and famous clothing stores alike, snagging all the merchandise they can get their paws on. Several heroes have appeared to handle the fuzzy menace, like Stretchyarms McGee and Mr. Sparklehands! Even with their combined powers, though, it surely isn’t enough to stop 100+ bears from shoplifting $500 dollars’ worth of merchandise! Who would surely save Tara City from this fiasco?

Rita Shepard would have done so, if she didn’t take the 8-5 shift at the local coffee shop. She was hoping to get enough shots of espresso to see Nirvana before she got off, her eye twitching as a resident fashionista took advantage of a free drink to order the longest, most complicated coffee drink in existence while there was a line starting to stretch outside the store.  On the outside, she smiled and nodded as she got her barista on, but on the inside, she pretended to be a witch that hexed this woman into working the horrors of retail.

At least the bears wearing designer dresses were nice enough to leave a 5 dollar tip as they ordered tea with honeycombs (“We actually have those? Huh.”). Rita didn’t bat an eye at them as they sat down and chatted with grunts and snorts. Not that there was any time to, with all the people coming in!

After what felt like eons, 5 o clock came, and her one and only savior walked right in: a short girl who reminded Rita of a forest fairy, with her long brown hair and freckled face. Rita’s hand flew to her heart for a moment as her coworker turned to her and gave her a wink. The urge to give her a hug was strong, but Rita decided it was better to just clock out and go.

Unfortunately, the bear situation was not under control in the least.  Rita briefly wondered what the hell Kamen Rider was doing in a situation like this.

“Guess this isn’t one of those giant monster fights he loves so much,” she grumbled as she touched the necklace the old lady gave her a week ago. It glowed a brilliant blue before power surged through her body. Nothing else changed aside from gaining a blue aura around her, which was a bit disappointing. She had hoped to get an elaborate magical girl transformation by now, at least!

She didn’t really need that to get a head start on the heroics business though, right? Then maybe Kamen Rider would actually give her the respect she deserved!

Nothing to it, then. Rita held up her hands and scared away bears with jets of water, trapped rowdier bears in big ol bubbles, and interrogated kinder bears as to why they suddenly decided to rise up and raid. Granted, she wasn’t getting much information out of their grunts, but anything helps, right?

After shooing away bear cubs trying to steal candy from a three year old, Rita finally finds the source of the trouble: a massive man in regal clothing… covered in bear fur. Even his top hat was made from bear fur and had a tiny bear emblem on the side, and he held a cane with that same emblem engraved at the top. With each wave of his cane, the bears struck, snagging all they could get from nearby stores.

Tired of seeing the rampant theft, Rita confronted him and shouted, “Halt, you… you butt! Stop this now, or you’re gonna regret it!”

She could have done that a lot better, given the snooty look that man was giving her. “Oh, here to stop me, the great BEARON? Please. You could BEARLY handle my power!”

He was right. She couldn’t handle it. The puns were too horrible. So as he sent waves of bears at her, she was quickly overrun. Her water powers may have been able to handle individual bears just fine, but a group of them all at once? Nooot at her skill level.

The Bearon laughed at her suffering, reveling all too much in it. “How is that, honey? Do you find this situation to be absolutely… unbearable? Maybe a little barbearic?!  Regardless, it is impossible to fight me, when I have a bearier in the way! Ohohohohoho!”

Annoyed at the constant mauling and the horrible puns, Rita finally gathered enough power to shower the bears in bubble blasts. They fell back, giving Rita enough time to run past them and towards the Bearon. With the wish to protect the city from bear attacks and terrible bear puns, Rita summoned a watery whip and lashed it out at the Bearon.

SMACK!

The Bearon fell to the ground, his top hat falling off his head. He was definitely still breathing, but he was out like a light. No wonder he needed bears to protect him! The bears snapped out of their fury, suddenly confused as to why they were wearing suits and eating hamburgers.

After cleaning up some of the streets and returning the stolen goods to their respective stores, Rita went home to feed her beloved master, Mr. Kitty. The two of them watched the news report on the bear attacks, Rita swooning as she saw Mr. Sparklehands pose for everyone. There were a few comments on her, but none of them really stood out. Just the typical “there’s a NEW hero in town!” thing. They didn’t even mention her by name!

Oh, wait. She still didn’t come up with a name. Or have an outfit. Oh god oh god oh god how was she going to get noticed if she didn't  even have THAT?

Maybe she should ask the oracle for help...

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(Following up on this comic is a picture of Rita in a bear-inspired princess outfit, with the words underneath: Beautiful Bearoness Rita, Protector of Bear City.

Another comic follows, with a picture of a super detailed bear wearing a dress, blue-framed glasses and a sunhat, holding a tablet in her paws.

"actual picture of me while making this issue, please enjoy"

-Bear Commissioner )