Winds of Fate

 Marisa looked down below, down at the city she resided in for a whole year now. It was lively enough throughout the year, but the inevitble call for adventures and Kobbers rang out someway, somehow. And where there are Kobbers, there's hustle and bustle.

It was easy enough to spot when activity picked up. In fact, the witch was a little surprised that more and more tourists wearing some youkai fish girl shirt and memorabilia were popping up. Tsubakura complained about this sudden burst of activity when said fish girl made her appearance on stage, claiming she could hear the concert from her bedroom. Certain celebrities made their grand appearance: Dream Defender Doremy (apparently Kevvy's new stage name, just so he wasn't confused with Kogasa) and Frostmaiden Cindy Rozenblair caught the eyes of many a person. She could see now bolts of lightning zipping through the city, presumably people who were really enjoying the fast lane. Heck, she could even see Diadem in her food truck, Hakra and some rather grumpy gal discussing the ways to use the constellation Corvus as a spell. 

As the time of the Kobbers return came ever so closer, the witch's heart beat faster and faster, racing in anticipation.

She landed close to the Silver Tribute, stretching her arms and yawning as she was welcomed by the warm glow of magitech lights. "Maybe I should give Desiree a visit," Marisa said with a small smile. "Start advertisin' the arcade again-"

"Oh? Running a business, are we?"

Marisa snapped her head towards the source, a pair of red eyes looking down at her like a snake who found its prey. 

"Wait, you're here, Kanako?"

The short haired woman flicked her hair back and smirked. "With faith to gather, why wouldn't I be here? So many troubles to resolve, enough to surely gain favor with the locals."

Marisa narrowed her eyes. "Just here for the faith? Ya sure yer not here for Suwako?"

For a split second, she could see Kanako's cheeks flush pink. "W-well, after she inconveniently gave herself radiation poisoning and didn't have the sense to ask Okuu to deal with it, someone had to come and make sure the Mover of Mountains doesn't cripple herself."

"That's a lotta words to try 'n say you wanna keep her safe, Kanny."

Kanako cleared her throat and turned away. "Regardless, seeing how you have become a Champion of sorts and therefore a reliable incident solver in these parts, I thought I would grace  both you and the Kobbers with my presence. They would not deny a goddess her chance to prove herself, not when I can aid them in their endeavors. It would look terrible to see them turn me away on the First of May, after all."

Marisa sighed and shook her head. "All business again, huh. They might not be the same crowd from Vegas, but that ain't the kinda attitude you wanna go in with. They might just call Reimu and Sumi to slap some sense into ya. So why dontcha relax and be a normal gal, for a change?"

The goddess closed her eyes. Marisa what thoughts were brewing in her head before the goddess replied, "Hm, not such a bad idea. If they were to know I were a goddess, it would open the doors for sycophants to bow to my every whim. Easier to gain the trust of the people as an ordinary human with extraordinary powers. I would still gather faith, though in a rather unorthodox way." Kanako smirked as if she had hit the jackpot in a casino. "Yes, that'll do. Perhaps you do get good ideas here and there, Miss Kirisame."

"Always a pleasure, Lady Yasaka, O Heavenly Goddess of Harvests and Rains, One who brought Nuclear Energy to Gensokyo and taught Rinnosuke what a Game Boy was," Marisa said with a smug look of her own.

"Good to know you are more than a scycophant than I remember," Kanako said, unamused. "Now, you've lived here for a while, yes? Would you be so kind as to aid me in finding a suitable place to reside? Or, perhaps we should catch up somewhere. I do believe there is a cafe evoking the Seven Winds, no?"

"Sure thing, but not with that huge rope hangin' 'round yer back." The witch pointed towards the massive shimenawa ring behind Kanako. "If yer gonna be normal for once, might as well start there."

The goddess glared and muttered something under her breath before she said, "Very well... let's head towards your residence. I'm sure you have a big enough closet to hold this, no?"

As the duo flew over to Marisa's new house, the realization that maybe it won't fit in there dawned on the witch. That, and she'd have to live with Kanako until the goddess got her own place, or at least a hotel room.

Oh, the Kobbers could not come soon enough.

The Final Fight

 

Through clear blue skies and the warm rays of the sun, Marisa soared as a trail of explosive orbs followed behind her.

Bobbing and weaving between a curtain of magical bullets, getting close enough to only be grazed and not hit, was a talent that was driven into many Gensokyo residents. The Spell Card fights demanded such reflexes of them. No one wanted to be the one who bumbled into a bullet, or react a second too late to a laser coming right at them. These were elegant fights, a test of skill as beautiful patterns of orbs, kunai, and much more filled the skies with their dazzling splendor. 

As someone who dealt with many youkai showing off their spell cards to distract and befuddle, dodging was like breathing for Marisa Kirisame: instinct, something she barely had to think about due to muscle memory. She felt the heat of those explosives threaten to sear her skin, sweat dripping from her brow down her cheek, but she did not slow down nor panic when the danger was on top of her.

"COWARD! COME BACK AND FIGHT!" boomed a voice high in the sky before another barrage of explosions rained down. "OR ARE YOU TOO CHICKEN TO FACE A FINAL BOSS?"

Marisa rolled her eyes as she just narrowly dodged the barrage. "Nah, you can keep tiring yourself out," she said. "I'm just here for the ride."

"FOOL!!!" Dark thunderbolts rained down, one of them catching Marisa's broom and setting it aflame. Not willing to be either burnt to a crisp nor take a tumble from the skies, the witch flew down towards the ground and landed on her feet before attempting to put out the flames. The skies around her grew dark as the figure descended, looming over her like any proper Final Boss would.

"Not much of a hotshot now, huh?" said the smug woman's face in the middle of the creature. "And here I was, thinking you were worth the effort."

"PATHETIC WHELP! SOME CHAMPION YOU ARE!" boomed the dragon's head at the bottom. "WE'LL KILL YOU, MAIM YOU, PARADE YOUR CORPSE TO ZETTA AS A WARNING! GWAHAHAHA!"

"Sorry," squeaked the timid torso on top, putting his index fingers together and looking all the world like a sad puppy. "It's just that, well, you're really strong, and that's sort of a problem for us. It'd make us look... uh, bad."

Marisa shrugged. "Well, I'm not gonna roll over and die for any of you, thanks. I ain't a champ for nothin'."

"Oh, really?" The woman's sneer grew. "But you don't have any of your little friends helping you. Without them, you're not much of anything!"

"Pretty sure I also showed off that I can handle myself, too. Or did you miss that last bit of the Brawl?"

"LESS TALK, MORE FIGHT!"

The dragon's orb glowed with red hot power  before a flurry of fireballs rained down upon the ground, setting the ground ablaze where they touched. Marisa hopped back onto her doused broom, magic orbs surrounding her as she took off. They hung behind the tail end of her broom, facing the dreaded Final Boss as they fired piercing lasers at them. Not much good for piercing, though: they left burns where they touched, but nothing more. Marisa groaned and turned around, firing magic missiles in attempt to weaken them. No dice: two of them barely even noticed.

"HAHA, THAT TICKLED!"

"You're going to need to hit harder than that to stop us, witch."

"Ow, ow, OWWW! Cut it out, aim for them, not me!"

"Shut up, Micky. We're in this together, whether you like it or not!"

"I wasn't the one who instigated the fight, Ophelia!"

As they argued, Marisa took this chance to think. Lasers weren't working, magic missiles didn't make a dent, and she knew her sword would just bounce off if neither of those options worked. Using Final Spark too early would leave her without her Mini Hakkero for a time, and if that didn't do anything, then it would simply be a waste. As weird as the trio of demons were, they were at least more bite than bark when it came to being a Final Boss.

There wasn't much time before they decided to actually use their brains and barrage her from every angle, though. Much as she didn't like it, Marisa showered them in stars, lighting up the shadows as they swirled around her. It wasn't perfect: they were tanking those hits about as much as she thought. She just needed to play keep-away until she could exploit some sort of weakness.

Ophelia yawned. "Oh, wonderful, stars. Dryzen, show her what a real star looks like, won't you?"

"OF COURSE! YOUR PUNY STAR MAGICKS ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO MINE!"

Dryzen's orb turned an ominous shade of purple, several other points of the final boss's body shining bright. Marisa's heart stopped for a moment as she realized just was going to happen. She quickly took out her Mini Hakkero and fired a massive Final Spark, just as the trio shot their own massive, star-powered beam.

It was then that Marisa noticed the difference in power. Her beam barely budged forward, while theirs was approaching her and threatening to roast her alive. Maybe leaving without Dreamcast in tow to deal with the strange dark signals Tsubakura was picking up was a massive mistake. Her thoughts filled with happy memories after the brawl, roller blading with Dreamcast, just relaxing with Amity... Even with redemption, karma would always come back, one way or another.

All went white.

Then, a scream pierced through the silence. Marisa found herself still breathing, her mini hakkero burnt out. Did she do it? No, she couldn't have. She was strong, but not that strong. What happened?

Clear as day, she saw the gaping wound in Micky's torso as he cried, flesh and bone exposed to the open air as if something tore a part of him right off. The final boss quivered, Ophelia's sneer shifting to a glare, while Dryzen's voice no longer boomed.

"Such strong mana... it can't... it can't be..." Dryzen's voice trembled like a tree in a storm, his orb losing all its luster.

"Ugh, of all the times for her to show up."

Marisa briefly wondered if Reimu decided she had enough of Gensokyo to come kick ass in Agama before her own body began to tremble. There was something in the air, a strong presence. It reminded her of Yukari, but Yukari would never bother lifting a finger just from the kindness of her heart.

Stomp. Stomp. STOMP. The ground quaked as the mystery assailant appeared. Horns peeked out from pink hair, wings folded behind her back, annoyance written all over her face. 

"So you had the dumb idea to show up here of all places, Valvoga?" said the demon as she stepped forward. "I thought you had a bit more sense than that."

Inbetween Micky's pathetic cries, Ophelia hissed, "Priere. So nice of you to join us, but don't you have your own itty bitty Netherworld to run?"

"YEAH, GO BACK AND RUN BACK HOME! LET US HAVE OUR FUN! LET ME KILL THE WITCH!"

Overlord Priere shook her head. "If you had any brains, you'd be trying to take it over." A pause, the demon looking thoughtful until she became the epitome of smuggery. "Oh, wait. You can't. Because you suck."

Marisa swore that if Ophelia had any control of her cohort's hands, she'd be shaking all four fists at Priere. "You...! Bold words for an idiot who pissed off to another dimension!"

"Bold words for a boss who might as well be tissue paper compared to what the Kobbers have faced."

As the two threw insults at each other, Marisa finally took her chance to stow away her mini-hakkero in her broom's storage compartment and pull out a few potions in its place. She slowly floated away, out of the boss's range of vision. As she did, though, she noticed a few strange creatures bumbling their way through, but didn't really think too much of them as she took off high into the skies. She waited... and waited... and waited...

"-and you think you  can beat us after you struggled to beat Ladeca on your own? Pfft. Fat chance."

"I didn't see you trying to upsurp her for being more Final Boss-y than you. But suuuure, keep dissing me. That'll help your case."

Okay, she waited long enough. At the first sign of magic being thrown about (from neither of them, it looked like), Marisa dived like a comet, wreathing herself in light and smashing herself into that wound Priere conveniently opened up for her. Valvoga screamed in a mix of fury and pain, Micky swiping at the witch but missing her by a hair. Screams of pain turned to rage as the skies lit up beams and explosives, Valvoga haphazardly hurling Star magic at everyone who dared to hurt them. It was back to the dodging game for Marisa, magic orbs firing a healthy mix of lasers and magic missiles to open that wound up further.

The Final Boss turned their attention to the pesky little witch, charging up another powerful beam to annihilate her. Nope, she wasn't going to survive that, so how was she going to feint it out? By jerking and zipping away from it mere seconds before it fired off, in true Gensokian fashion. And with them being distracted, Priere unfolded her wings and took to the skies, blowing another huge chunk of Valvoga off with a magical atomic blast. Marisa cringed a little as the flesh turned rancid, color draining from Micky. They didn't move, the blast doing something to them that kept them from budging an inch. A chance to chip away was not a chance Marisa was going to let slide.

"RUUGH, I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU! YOU'LL BE NOTHING BUT ATOMS!" Dryzen roared, his orb glowing yet again. Before he could manage that, though, Marisa saw from the corner of her eye something speeding through the sky, screaming like a woman possessed. She blinked, and in the next moment, a baton was sticking right out of the orb, cracks spreading like a spiderweb. Dryzen wailed less like an angry dragon and more like a sniveling child who got a big bad boo boo. 

And who did the deed, Marisa wondered? She wondered no longer as the dust cleared, a rather busty nun holding another baton in her hand and spinning it 'round her fingers as confident as could be. She kind of looked like the demon... were they sisters? Twins?

" Took you long enough, Prier," said the Overlord. "I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to get here!"

The nun's eyes flared with anger as she snapped, "You left me behind, you jackass! You could have at least taken me with you!"

"And risk you dislodging them from your weight alone? No, thank you."

"Rrrgh, why you-"

"Sorry to cut the comedy routine short," Marisa said, "but I think we have bigger problems." She pointed towards Valvoga, who reared back, body beginning to glow as bright as it could.

Lightning crackled throughout the demon's body, Ophelia's face twisted into pure rage. "Fine, I'll take care of all of you in one fell swoop! I'll show you why they call us a Final Boss!"

Priere rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

Prier stared blankly at them before she cracked out into a chuckle and said, "You're doing it by blowing yourself up? What a sore loser!"

Marisa pulled out a notepad and pen from her broom's stash and leaned back. "Alright, show me whatcha got! Maybe I can learn from it and make a cool new spell out of it."

"SCREW YOU! SCREW ALL OF YOU!"

Valvoga's body pulsed and grew brighter by the second. Marisa knew she was fast enough to zip away, but what about the other two? Prier whistled as a gaggle of monsters, the very same ones Marisa saw bumbling earlier, teamed up to form a barrier around the demon with their magicks, Priere surrounding that barrier with a square barrier of her very own that glowed with holy-ish power. When the mighty Valvoga exploded like a supernova, the first set of barriers broke, but the second held up thanks to the first absorbing most of the energy. Thus, there was little left of the Final Boss but dust and ash.

As the barrier disappeared, Prier dusted her hands off and stood there with confidence. "Another demon sent to repent!" Her pride made way for disappointment as she added, "though the stupid thing blew itself up before I could do a cool finisher."

"What you should have done was told them you beat Ba'al, first," Priere said with a tsk. "Then they would have pissed themselves and ran."

"At this point, beating Ba'al is like saying you beat god: everyone's done it one time or another!"

"You do realize that's preeetty blasphamous, right?"

"What? Kobbers beat gods plenty of times, you know that!"

"I don't think you get it." The overlord shook her head before turning towards Marisa. "Hey, you! You did great! Who taught you all that, anyway?"

Marisa blinked. "Nevermind all that, did Okuu teach you how to blow up a boss or somethin'? Did ya eat a sun god on the way over here like a hot dog?"

"Nah, I just beat up 1 billion demons."

"Oh, so yer a regular incident solver too, eh?" Marisa landed between the nun and demon and grinned. "Thanks for the help! Felt like I was just throwin' rocks at him and hopin' they'd die from a concussion. Marisa's the name, by the way. What about you?"

The Overlord held out her hand for a handshake and smiled. "Overlord Priere. One of the stronger 'Final Bosses' you'll ever meet!"

"And I'm Prier!" the nun chimed in. "La Pucelle's greatest demon hunter, and soon to be their Maiden of Light!"

Marisa gave that hand a mighty shake like they were brothers-in-arms. "Think I heard of ya! Definitely an incident solver, then! Well, 'nuff standin' round here, lemme treat y'all to a drink! Then we can talk about how ya know that Volvega guy and why you came out here in the first place! There's gotta be a story behind it, eh?"

"Mmmmaaaybe~!"

"Aaaand she's not gonna say anything until you drown her with alcohol," Prier sighed. "You'll pay for food too, right? I'm starving. Can't keep eating rations of hardtack.  Blech, who thought those were a good idea?"

Off the trio went, marching happily over to the Silver Tribute. Thus, a new gang of incident solvers was formed! There was one question that lingered in Marisa's mind, though.

Why did a Final Boss show up now, of all times?

An Amusing Dream

 "Ever wonder just how you get an idea? Maybe a bit of inspiration? Or maybe it's a big ol' 'EUUUUREKA!' moment? What? You thought about that all by yourself? Look at you, all grown up and gettin' thoughts! Really, though, every once in a while, I'll give ya a lil hand and squeeze some of that brain juice out to reaaally get those creative juices flowing!

Who am I? WHO AM I?!? Well, ya heard of Muses, right? Norse- NO, Greek mythology? Sisters? Each had their own shindig that humans at the time thought they were responsible for? Yep, knew that'd ring a bell! WELL... I ain't them. They're long gone, see? Saw how their gods were doin', read all papers about Zeus bangin' everything in sight, and noped on outta there! No, no, no, no, no, I'm like them, but not actually them, capiche? Miss Amanda Muse is the name, and inspiration's my game! Here's my business card, an exclusive t-shirt, and a branded kazoo for ya! No need to thank me, you won't have 'em once you wake up anyway.

I come in your dreams, in your lil sleepy addled thoughts, and give ya ideas! You wouldn't remember me, I look different every time dependin' on the dream! Your dreams goin' wild and crazy? I miiight have been fiddlin' around your noggin. For example, ooonce upon a time, yours truly popped into a dream, some sorta Pokemon battle thing! Decided to transform into a cat thing that can change based on the genre of music its usin', and whaddya know, that same cat was summoned by one of Wize Guy's gang for somethin' or other! Only once, but once is enough for me!

I don't do that all the time, though. All work and no play makes Muse a dull girl and all! Sometimes I just pop in and just turn into whatever and see if I stick out enough for someone to remember that oooone itty bitty detail. Bit of prankstery stuff, not really expectin' that it'd inspire, say, Adeline to paint the Sistine Chapel or somethin'! Just havin' some good ol' fun, y'see? Hey, it's borin' when you're just stuck in the Dream World and can't enjoy the better things in life like maple syrup and waffles! No, I ain't bitter or nothin', no siiirreee.

So maybe every once in a while, say, 'Thanks Miss Muse!' If ya lucid dream, then share a martini with me! Or a Manhattan! Sure, if ya lucid dream we can get down and dirty. I ain't too shy about it- wait, hold HANDS?! Woah, you're movin' at the speed of light on this relationship, buddy! 

Naaah, just joshin' ya, kid! Ya ever met Auntie Anne? Yeah? I'm kinda like her, but I come to you instead of you goin' to her! That, and I ain't here to give advice aside from stop abusing the thesaurus, ya dumbass! Spammin' said's FINE! Ignore whoever said ya always gotta use fancy-schmancy words to spice up your story! Said just rolls off the brain like water off a duck, so use those special words for somethin' that needs a POP!

What, you wanna remember me? Not many people can do that, no sir! Lucid dreamers can maybe figure it out, but most of the time, your dream'll be slippin outta your brain faster than you can think about any enseey-weensie details. Don't give me that look, I know what I'm gettin' myself into! I don't need to be remembered, I just wanna leave some sorta IMPACT! Bring somethin' new to the table so that new ideas get put into action! Everybody remembers the warrior who did all the heavy liftin', but not so much the bard who tags along and give him a helpin' hand, and y'know what?  That's fine by me!

N-no, I don't need company or nothin'. A dream spirit's bound to be forgotten, and if you ain't cozy with that, this ain't the job for ya. Yeah, it gets lonely since ya gotta go through this whole thing of 'are ya worthy of bein' one of us' and lemme tell ya, that application process takes so long, your bod's gonna be half rotted six feet under before they even call ya up for an interview! 'Wait, i have to be DEAD to be one of them?' Well, duh! Things get complicated otherwise. Doubt you'd want to basically be in a coma with your body shrivelin' up like a prune while your brain's stuck on REM sleep mode tryin' to do dream spirit stuff. Naaaasty stuff. They stopped that after a whole controversy centuries ago, but I won't bore ya with the details. 

Whoops, look at the time! You're fadin'! Sorry, seems like we gotta say 'sayonara'! Maybe if ya practice writin' down dreams, maybe you'll remember me a lil better! Don't worry, we'll see each other again, one way or another! Maybe I'll look different! Maybe I won't! Just make sure to take what ya can remember and see  if you can make somethin' out of it! Adios, muchachos!"

Rising Star(s)

 "Ohoohooo, what do we have here?"

Stellaris peeked behind an alley with a mischevious smile as she looked upon Agama's ports with curiosity. There was a bunch of hubbub here all of a sudden without a Kobber in sight, and clearly that meant some sort of celebrity was here? If she could get on their good side, it'd give her a clear advantage to advertise over Esme's business! She could taste success right then and there, creeping up and blending in with the crowds.

She had to admit: the ship that everyone was gawking at was rather impressive. Massive, even. Maybe it was big enough to hold two of everything in there, least in Stellaris's mind. Elegant, yet dangerous with the several cannons she could see on the side. The men coming down from it were hardly anything to talk about. Sure, they looked nice, but she could smell some sort of stink on them. Now, the man in purple, with an outfit fitting for a captain and a pencil-thin, pointy stashe? He was fame material! 

The fortune teller shoved her way through the crowd towards the very front, taking in everything on that man. The many badges, the golden trim around his sleeves, the way he walked with such confidence! 

"Step aside, step aside!" called out one crew member. "Make way for the one and only Captain of the Seven Skies, the wonderous, illustrious, fantabulous Lord Valor!" The crowds parted like the red sea to let Lord Valor through, the man clearly soaking in all the attention. 

Pulling out her phone to look him up, Stellaris found almost nothing about him. A little footnote here and there, but nothing stood out to her that screamed 'Oh, HIM!' Stellaris glared at him now, miffed that he wasn't the superstar she thought he was, before the crowds cheers intensified suddenly. So suddenly, in fact, she had to cover her ears to protect her precious eardrums!

"What on EARTH are you people cheering for? A nobody?!" Stellaris tried to shout, her voice drowned out by the crowd. She fumed for a bit until she saw someone else disembarking the boat, a fishy tail waggling behind her, her hair flowing in the wind.

"YUI!!!!" shouted the crowd, throwing flowers and glitter as the idol trailed behind Lord Valor with a derpy smile. "YUI! YUI! YUI!"

It all clicked... maybe. Stellaris had to make sure by looking her up. Instantly, she was bombarded with site after site after site devoted to this famous fishlady. All of them seemed to have been made within the last couple of months, but that didn't particularly catch her eye. No, it was the Youtube videos of her doing silly, childish things, the photoshoots, the huge amount of effort that went into her Wiki page that wasn't simply a list of traits she has (or had). 

For a moment, the fortune teller frowned as Yui went on her way, skipping as cheerfully as a child. To be that free to do silly things... No. Someone would think she was immature rather than cutesy eventually, right? She's too carefree, with hardly a worry! She hadn't had to work for anything, not even earning the approval of those who tutored her! Here Yui was, prancing about like some sudden superstar while she, the great Stellaris, had to toil for her fame and status for years before she got even close to being a mainstay?!

Such furious thoughts consumed her entirely, to the point where the crowd was gone by the time she snapped out of it. She huffed and crossed her arms. She didn't need this Yui girl to get back into the Astrology game! No, tutoring Hakra would bring even better results! To teach one who mingles upon the Kobbers meant that her name would spread through their circle, and the Kobbers would come pouring into her shop in no time!

Yes, yes, that was the way, she thought as she marched on home. Who needed that weirdo, anyway?

------------------

Yui honestly didn't know much about what was going on. The crowds were nice and pleasant, and she met people she was certain might be important. Like the red bunny girl who asked about the permits. Or the big bird welcoming the Lord to Agama. And the blue dinosaur thing. 

What warranted such attention? All she knew was that the pirates asked her to pose and be cute, so she did so. They gave her food afterwards, which was nice. Then they asked her to act natural and be silly, and she had no idea what that meant, but being clumsy with dishes and singing seemed to make them happy! Five days a week, they did this, and every time she was somewhere new with weird things, like zebras and giraffes in a zoo, or fellow fish trapped within the confines of a cage that kinda looked happier here than in the sea, and some sort of two wheeled thing they called a bike. Each and every one was a learning experience for her, and she figured maybe they wanted to capture the moment.

Then she had all these letters she couldn't read ("Who wrote this in CURSIVE?!?" grumbled a pirate) and pictures of people who somehow looked like her pinned in her room. She liked the drawings they sent the most, because she could understand those the best. They liked her, right? She didn't know who they were, but they liked her!

A fan approached her with a flower in hand, looking at her with bright eyes. "Yui, I'm so glad to meet you! I, uh, brought a gift! Do you like flowers?"

Yui opened her mouth to respond when a pirate interjected with a laugh, stepping inbetween them as he said, "Sorry, kid, she strained her voice singing the other day! Maybe you and her can talk... later, maybe?"

Before she knew it, Yui was pushed ahead, far, far ahead of the crowd. She frowned. That flower looked pretty, and she wanted to practice her Thank Yous. But maybe they wanted to wait until she was fluent in the human tongue? They never did ask her to talk or anything. Even her singing was really just humming! It was so strange, but maybe that was how it was in the human world?

A long, long day waited ahead of her, though. One Lord Valor was more than happy to announce.

"Part 1 of Mascot Mania is complete! They absolutely love her, thanks to my clever and witty ways with the internet! Now, it's time to begin Part 2: win the entire city's trust and love, and milk as much money out of these poor peasants as possible! Then, if Xiulan is still alive, she will come and confront me, but be unable to hurt me while we take her head! And if she ISN'T alive..." Lord Valor stroked his moustashe and chuckled. "Then we'll have enough money to spend fuel to find her miserable, rotting body on the seas! Nyeheheheh!"

"Nyehehehehe!" Yui repeated, not sure what was so funny about the situation but trying to fit in anyway with the pirates that chuckled along. 

The Fishy Mascot

 Ah, to be a fish in the sea! To be surrounded by friends and family in schools, with little worries except where the next meal would be! To swim and be free, and-

SLAP. A school of fish were dazed as a saw pierced through. They scattered best they could, swimming as fast as their fins would allow. Most would live to see another day, but some would meet their end as they were gulped right up.

The sawfish chowed down on them, content as could be. Good thing, too: they might have starved if they didn't find anything! The sawfish lazily drifted away, glancing towards the seabed in case any other tasty morsels were hidden within.

It was the same old thing day after day: hunt, dig, eat, repeat. Maybe they'd find a mate, or hide from a shark, but it was about as thrilling as watching grass grow. Maybe they'd see another one of their number? No. They haven't seen their kin for miles. The last time they did, the hook from the heavens dragged them up above the surface, and they were never seen again. 

They were careful to stay close to the seabed, resisting the temptation of free food from above. They did not want to meet such a fate. No, they would rather keep with their lives, boring as they may be.

The sawfish enjoyed their simple life, up until they were cloaked in blinding light. They flailed violently, thinking maybe they were being attacked. What could possibly do such a thing, when the Lanternfish lived in deeper depths than them? Panic spread, the sawfish continuing to flail until suddenly, all went dark.

---------------------

"-sure this is okay? She looks kind of out of it..."

"Of COURSE it's okay! The spell worked, did it not? Who needs that brutish samurai when we have HER?!?"

The sawfish choked as she awoke, unfamiliar with the power of human lungs. Open air terrified her as she was no longer cloaked in the sea's embrace. She was dying, wasn't she? She would meet the same fate as her breathren, and become someone else's dinner! What a terrible fate she met!

"Oh, Boss, she's awake!"

Words. Words she understood, but she didn't understand why or how. There was no time to comprehend that as she used her "fins" to prop herself up. They felt weird,  segmented. It was no exageration to say that this was the most she felt ever in her life. And her life didn't seem to be fading. She was breathing, wasn't she? Maybe not through gills, but something?

She gawked at the men who stood around her, staring blankly at them and freezing in place. Humans? Here? Where was she? And why was that weird man with the hair above his lips approaching her with a smile? Oh no, he was going to eat her, wasn't he?

"Why, hello, and welcome!" he said. "Oh, I'm sure you're quite startled, but not to worry! None of us will lay a finger on you. Wouldn't do well to hurt our mascot after summoning her, no?"

The 'sawfish' stared at him with confusion. A mascot? What IS that? Was it a different type of fish?  Ugh, she felt something on her back and shook her head to get rid of it, but clumps of wet hair just flopped into her face instead. 

"But now that you are here, I do humbly and sincerely request that you simply look good! Smile, and be merry! You will feast with your newfound family and have a room all your own, and you will be the envy of women everywhere! Ha, even our 'darling' captain would go mad knowing she's no longer the mascot of this crew!"

The weird hairy man just kept talking and talking. She didn't know what to do. Food? Free food was nice. Her eyes glazed over as she imagined eating shrimp and oysters for days on end. Maybe some guppies here and there. A mantis shrimp as a treat, too? The possibilities were endless!

She was jolted out of her thoughts when someone nudged her on the side. 

"Psst. You really not gonna say thank you to him?" She turned towards the pirate, who looked upon her with concern. "You should say something, otherwise Lord Valor might throw a fit."

"Blub?" Even she was startled when the word came out of her mouth. "Blub?!? Blub blub.  Glub." 

The pirate looked over at Lord Valor now, sweat dripping down the side of his cheek. "Uh, Lord Valor, I think the spell messed up somewhere. Did you mess up the words or something?"

Lord Valor turned red as a tomato and stomped his foot down. "Of COURSE not! 'O, Lord of the Sea, bringeth to me a mascot who understands me!' How could I possibly make a mistake?"

"Because she's, you know... not speaking words?"

"Blub?" 

As the pirates exchanged glances, Lord Valor huffed and crossed his arms. "I-I clearly planned for this! Clearly, she understands us, but it is up to us to teach her to speak! Even then, she doesn't NEED to speak to be a mascot for our ship, no?"

"But what if she wanders off somewhere without us?"

"She'll remain on the ship and close to our sides at all times! As if we'd even think about letting her out of our sights!"

"How can we tell she's hungry or thirsty or has to use the bathroom-"

"We feed her on a schedule, you dunce! Isn't that simple?" With a huff and a puff, Lord Valor Now, enough questions! We need a name for her, and quickly! Something cute, something memorable!"

The fish girl sat as they all tossed out suggestions, unsure of how to think of this. She only knew herself as Sawfish. That was the extent of who and what she was. Now she was more, and she couldn't just name herself Human. Who could grasp the concept of a name, when a name was never needed in the world she lived in?

"How about Paimon?"

"I'm going with Fisharina!"

"Gross! We should just call her Saara! With TWO As!"

"The Cooler Xiulan!"

Suggestion after suggestion came out, each one more infuriating than the last. Crimson with anger, Lord Valor shouted, "Stop joking around, you buffoons! Why would we name such a beautiful girl something like 'Paimon?' Does no one have any sense of taste?" Complete and utter silence. The captain grumbled and shook his head. "Fine, we'll worry about her name later! One of you, teach her how to read and write! Can't have her seem illiterate, otherwise we'd become a laughingstock! Now, GO!"

It took some time before the former sawfish became comfortable in her new body. Walking was an experience, almost tripping over herself with each step. The pirates were kind enough to escort her and teach her, at least? She proved to be a fast learner, learning the alphabet and words associated with each letter. She couldn't speak them aside from a few she found interesting: "Y...U... I." Those three letters together felt nice to her, enough that when she finally learned to write, she wrote those down over and over and smiled like a child.

With time, the pirates noticed, and taught her how to pronounce it. And when the sounds came out, it felt pleasant. No, it felt right, somehow.

"Yui. Yui. Yuuuuiiiiii."

As annoying as it was for her to keep saying that, the crew decided that they might as well call her that. She responded to that more consistently, so why not? Now, as for whether the captain would like their 'mascot' to be saying her name all the time was another story. A story they'd prefer to delay as long as possible.

Seeing her smile every time they called her, though? It almost made their hearts melt. Almost. The perfect name for a perfect mascot.

The BRILLIANCE of Lord Valor! (Subtitled: Recruiting the Undefeated Samurai of the East)

 He wished he wasn't here.

Lord Valor hated it. Hated the stench of alcohol in the air, hated the unrefined atmosphere, hated the drunkards singing off-tune to Happy Hour Kareoke. He'd rather be on his ship, dining on crab roe and truffles with a glass of Chardonnay instead of this peasant's dumping ground. It was unbecoming of him to even be here, in a place his ex-captain would visit during her off hours. To even be remotely associated with her made his skin crawl.

However much he hated it here in the Golden Blade Tavern, there was one thing of value here. A certain someone in the corner, sitting with a bottle of what he thought was some cheap Grab 'n Go quality booze. There was no mistaking her long, pink hair, the goggle over her left eye, and the missing arm on her right side. Valor grinned, looking back towards his crewmates following behind for just a moment before approaching the rugged woman.

"Ah, if it isn't Baiken, Undefeated Samurai of the East!" Lord Valor said, twirling his pencil-thin moustashe. "A pleasure to see you again after, ah, two years?"

Baiken didn't look back at him, throwing back her drink in one glug. "Cut the crap and spit it out: what do you want?"

"You wound me, to say such cold words when we haven't seen each other in so long!" Valor sighed and shook his head. "Come, now, I'll pay for your, ah-"

"I already paid."

"W-well, then why don't we chat, talk about the past like good friends-"

"You're nobody's friend."

A vein pulsed in Valor's forehead, though he kept it hidden with his purple pirate hat. "Alright, then. I have but a simple request: Join our crew once more! Forget about your little, ah, journey for revenge. No, you can't have revenge if you lack the funds to make it through the week! With your strength and my wits, we can, pil- ah, claim anything we wish!"

The samurai turned her head towards him, her face scrunched up in a scowl. "Like hell I would."

Valor's crew glared and took a few menacing steps before Valor held up his hand to stop them, though he was half-tempted to let them fight her. "Are you absolutely sure? We could take you anywhere, maybe gather enough forces for your cause and-"

Baiken stood from her seat, the crew cowering a little as she towered over them. "If you had any sense, you would have brought Xiulan with you."

"Wh-what?! That nobody? Some backwater girl with more muscle than  brains? Hah!" Valor snorted and spat at Baiken's feet. "She's barely even worthy to shine my shoes, nevermind captain a ship. We... aided her in an early retirement-"

STOMP. All eyes were on the group now as Baiken slammed one foot onto the floor and shook the ground. "Leave, if you know what's good for you. I'm giving you five seconds."

"B-boss, should we really try to convince her?" asked one of the crewmates as Baiken began her countdown.

Valor was barely listening, seeing red and pointing at the samurai. "You buffoon, don't you know what that means? She won't order you around!"

"Four."

"A-and I would pamper you like a queen-"

"Three."

"And all the riches you want!"

"Two."

"Why wouldn't you want to work under the great and mighty Lord-"

In the blink of an eye, he was truly seeing red as Baiken slammed her sword sheath into his face. He fell over like a bag of potatoes, his crew at his side to attempt to aid him. He opened his mouth to sputter something unintelligble, but the samurai was already out the door, heading out into city streets.

Valor coughed and gurgled out, "Ugh, that absolute wench...! What do I need to do to persuade her to join us?! Must I serve her Xiulan's head on a silver platter?" The crew stared at him, no one daring to interrupt him. "Gah, to think we'd have to go and find her body as proof that she is inferior! Finding it might take aeons! But no matter... Baiken WILL join us, no matter what it takes!"

"C-couldn't we, uh, find... someone else?" asked a crewmate as the gang helped Lord Valor up on his feet and took him outside. "Like, someone who would... or could... do everything we wanted?"

"Pah! I will have none other! I have witnessed Baiken's strength for myself! Even though she was simply RUDE to not even wait until ONE to strike me, her strikes are strong and true! All would respect us with her at our side! To think, even in death, Xiulan would continue to be a thorn at our side. I swear, once we find her...!"

They dared not tell him that it's been months since she jumped off the plank. They dared not to tell him that the body might have been claimed by the sea at this point, if not picked at by starving seagulls. All of them knew he would throw a fit and ignore reality, and rather than deal with Lord Valor's tantrum, they simply dragged him to the ship and nodded along like sycophants.

Somewhere, out there, Xiulan sneezed, looking up at the skies as if a bad omen was on her.

*COMING SOON: LORD VALOR SERVES A DEAD XIULAN HUMBLE PIE! MAYBE. COMING THIS MAY ON ZFRP!*

A Day in the Life of Fortuna Stellaris, Fortune Teller Surpreme

 "Mmmmmm! Aaaaaah~!"

Fortuna Stellaris waved her hands around, her crystal ball swirling with blue and purple fog. Sitting in front of it was none other than Hakra Glittercloud Blacksin, marveling not just at the theatrical handwaving Stellaris was doing, but the utter attention to detail when making the room look like they were in space. Stars shimmered, constellations forming all throughout as Stellaris continued what Hakra assumed to be a powerful divination spell, eyes sparkling as the 12 Zodiac Signs appeared before the witch, glowing brighter and brighter until the whole room was filled with light.

"At last, all becomes clear!"

With that bold proclamation, the lights settled, the fog lifting from within the crystal ball. Hakra leaned in close, watching as starry shapes formed within. Then, and only then, did Stellaris take a seat, smug as a bug.

Hakra leaned in further as she asked, "What do you see? Did you consult the stars for divination, or is your divination similar to maybe tea leaf divination, making sense of the shapes within the ball- OH! Before I forget, I really liked your zodiac spell circle! Will you teach me how to make one? I asked my teacher if she could, but she said that maybe it was a bit too flashy with not enough substance-"

As much as Stellaris wanted to bask in the praise - high praise, at that! - there was a job she needed to do. "We can speak of such things later, O Glittercloud! Wouldn't you want to know your fortune first? Of COURSE you do!" She tapped her nails onto orb, pondering it much like a wizard before she continued to speak. "Mhmhmhm, good tidings are headed your way! More friends, more knowledge, and maybe love is just hanging around the corner! Look at how close they are!" The star-figures within the orb looked vaguely like two girls holding hands before it shifts over to several taller figures cheerfully speaking to one of them. "And look, knowledge will fill your future in no time: it may take a liiiiittle bit, but keep pressing on, and you'll certainly be on par with a Sage!"

The fortune teller allowed herself to smile more as Hakra's eyes shimmered with excitement, all that praise probably getting to her head. "Really?! Do you know how much I'll learn? Or who I'd learn it from? And who likes me that much? Angellica does, but I don't know if she'd call us lovers yet- OH! Are you going to be one of the ones who fills my brain with knowledge?!?"

"E-erm..." Stellaris's eyes widened, unsure of how to respond. Usually, she praises and plays to everyone's ego, making them feel good enough to leave her a good tip. Hakra, on the other hand, was simply... pure in her intentions? Or maybe that enthusiasm was charming? Before she knew it, the fortune teller sputtered out, "Why, uhm, of COURSE! Why wouldn't I? After all, you have SUCH good taste, learning about various constellations and such! Maybe I could take you as my apprentice! Ohohohoho!" She brought a hand up to her  face and gave her best noblewoman's laugh while, on the inside, she screamed in an equal mix of excitement and terror. Yes, this could be her chance to shine brighter than Esme, taking a pupil and elevating her to her level! And a Kobber one, at that! Her name would be back in the papers, and that newt would be begging her to return! On the other hand, though, she'd actually have to teach, and only heaven knew how much was in this mage's noggin already. For all Stellaris knew, Hakra might have already learned all that she knew from some other person. She seemed like a smart cookie, and she's even going to the Magic Academy later.

It was at this point Stellaris realized that she painted herself into a corner, the mage leaping out of her seat with glee. "Really?! Do you have a specific time you can tutor me? I know a bit about Stellar Magic: I can summon Polaris and little dogs and a bear with a pan based on constellations. I just don't know the more intricate parts that make it more... stellar? More cool? I want to make it my way, but in order to do that, I have to learn other people's ways, too, and build upon that!"

Before the fortune teller said something she regret, she spotted something else forming in the crystal ball: a purple fog rolling in, taking a rectangular shape as several dark figures rose from the bottom. Her awkwardness shifted to concern as she peered through, a frown forming on her lips. 

"Oh dear, oh my, what have we here? A strange force, bringing people together, and not all for a good cause. You may have to face several of these people to find the truth, but it will be a difficult trial, if you go without aid!" She paused, sweating a bit as Hakra looked at her expectantly. "Wh-which means, well, you certainly lucked out, for I, the  Great Fortuna Stellaris, will aid you in defeating these people of ill-intent! My astrological powers and knowledge will surely help you in due time, but ah... Hmm..." Okay, how to get this girl out of here so she could think on how to get out of this? "MmmmmMMMMM! Mars' influence is making me, uh, rather rambunctious! And scatterbrained! I am so, so, so sorry, my dear Glittercloud, but the stars tell me I must rest and recouperate!"

"But you haven't told me when you could teach me!" the girl pleaded as Stellaris whisked her towards the door. "You could give me an estimate, or-"

"The stars will pay you a visit when I am ready! Now, go on! Have a pleasant day-"

"What should I expect wh-"

"A calling from the Heavens, Glittercloud! Now HAVE A DAY!" Stellaris said in her most shrill, yet customer-service-y voice she could before shoving Hakra out the door and closing it, hastily puting up each of the 7 latches and locks she had on there to assure that no one gets in. She let out a sigh and flopped onto the floor, staring at the ceiling with a blank look.

Esme will not know the glory of tutoring a Kobber. But by the same token, she would never know how draining that sort of thing could be. Was this a good thing or a bad thing? Stellaris couldn't tell, at least not yet. 

For now, she slunk back to the back, where her less-than-humble abode awaited, all coordinated in colors that bring the night sky to mind. Her heels clacked against hardwood floors, hair bouncing up and down as she went through several halls and doors. Each door was labeled in runic languages to indicate what they were for. Each shimmered and glowed, giving off a mystic aura... but one door at the very end of the hall was not. It was a plain white door, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the elaborate interior design. Stellaris looked back, then looked towards her sides before she slowly approached the door and whispered something under her breath.

The door creaked open, and within its depths, awaited... the Room.

She didn't know of a good name for it. Nothing that sounded fancy or elegant, at least. Not when everything here looked like it was designed for kids. Who would ever take her seriously again if they knew she had toy trains to push around on tracks she changed every day, that she had a kid's artist easel to make stick figures with finger paint, that she prefered to be on the top bunk of a small bunk bed tucked in under a blanket with colorful dinosaurs on it? They'd laugh her off like a bad joke, ignore her, find her... childish. 

In spite of her fears of anyone finding out about it, this room remained over the years, outliving day-to-day, week-to-week trends. When she sat in a chair with a heart shape on the back at a tiny pink and white tea table with stuffed animals like Mrs.  Bunbuns and Catticus VII, all of her worries flew away, her shoulders relaxing as the tension left them. This was her safe place, where she could do all that she wanted, all the things her teachers and tutors told her wasn't befitting of someone of her status. It was a place where she could be what she thought was a normal kid, doing normal kid stuff instead of studying calculus and star charts for the umpteenth time.

A genuine smile formed on Stellaris's lips as she took a plastic teapot and pretended to pour hot tea into Bunbun's and Catticus's tea cups.

"Oh, you two won't BELIEVE what I've been through today! Soon, I'll be a tutor! Yes, an actual tutor and teacher! I need you two to help me come up with an abbacus- crap, you're right, Mrs. Bunbuns, it's a... a SYLLABUS, right? A syllabus for my new pupil, and maybe some mandatory reading! Yes, Catticus, it is going to be stressful, but if I can do this, then there's no way I won't be #1! Oho! Ohohohoho!"

A Rival Outshining the Stars

 Fortuna Stellaris crumpled newspapers in her hands, her teeth grinding against each other hard enough to give her a headache. She knocked her tarot deck and crystal ball onto the ground in a fit and stomped her feet as if she was capable of causing earthquakes with each step.

"Damn that Esmerelda!" she swore, her long, midnight blue nails digging deep into flesh as she balled her hand up into a fist. "Damn her, damn her, DAMN HER!" Her fist slammed onto her table, her astrology books joining the crystal ball and deck on the floor. She grabbed another newspaper, tossing away the front page and classified, digging until she found the inevitable astrology and advice column. There was no astrology readings, however; they were instead various color fortunes for each birth month, as well as how to interpret certain colors. 

Ripping the paper into shreds, she yelled, "ARGH!!! DAMN HER! How DARE she take away MY spot! How can some nobody like her suddenly gain that dumb newt's attention! His brain must be full of tissue paper and peanuts for him to suddenly oust me from my rightful spot! Or maybe she cast a spell on him, hypnotized him to make her do her bidding!" All the while, Stellaris's hands talked along with her, making big, sweeping motions before wiggling her fingers with scowl. "She's no one! She's irrelevant! Color fortunes? Ha! Why would anyone care for her when they have a superstar such as myself?"

Fortuna Stellaris stomped over to the curtains in the back and opened it up, revealing various pictures of herself in mystical clothing, starring in Mona Lisa paintings in her image, The Girl with the Pearl Earring, and even The Birth of Adam, her finger reaching out for God's. "Ah, look at me!" she cooed as her hands trailed down the painting, feeling every paint stroke. "All this magnificince, ready to deliver their fortunes of a lifetime! Beautiful, intelligent, and wise... What else could they look for? Why bother even going to Katrina's dingy tent when I provide all she does and more?"

"In fact," she said as she puffed up her cheeks in indignation. "What does she have that I don't?! Her hair's the color of snot! Her outfit has no coordination, no sense of style! And... and...!" Her brain faltered, slowed to a crawl in order to find the perfect insult. "Uh, she... is too skinny! She'd break the moment a man touches her, she's that willowy!"

Her thoughts trailed off, consumed with thoughts of Esmerelda dressed up in all the fancy, luxurious clothes she wanted, fitting in perfectly as she strolled down the catwalk. Stellaris's cheeks burned with anger with each and every scenario that flooded her mind. It became too much, her anger bursting forth as she flipped over her entire table with rage.

"I'll have to scout her out and get some dirty details on her life," the fortune teller said as she walked over to the front door and grabbed a pair of shades and a hat that rivaled Marisa's in size and starriness. "Something to ruin her reputation, to mock her for, to embarass her in front of everyone! I will not stand for some random girl from the slums to take my spot, no! I'll find something, even if it's the last thing I do!"

And with her vibrantly blue hair flowing behind her, she went through the door to the outside world and slammed it so hard, one would worry about the hinges.

-----------------------------------

Stellaris slithered like a snake, trailing the green-haired fortune teller's every move. Seeing Esme even pop out from her dingy store filled her with rage, especially as passers by dared to say hello to her like an old friend. 

"Ah, Esme!" said one such person, walking up to her with a warm smile. "How are things? Your store's been getting all the rave!"

Esme blushed and waved it off as she replied, "Oh, it's really not that much. Things are well enough, enough to be comfortable. And how is your wife?"

"Doing much better after your consultation, I'd say! Bursting with energy and tryin' to find whatever crafts she can get her hands on, just explorin' hobbies!" They sighed with happiness and looked Esme in the eyes. "Thank you so much, by the way. I couldn't stand to see her so gloomy and shut in, especially after her business-"

"I did not do the hard work, my friend," Esme interrupted, waggling a gloved finger. "I merely provided advice based on her fortune. She was the one who put in the work to improve herself, not I."

Stellaris leaned in, narrowing her eyes and trying to hear any more of that conversation when a cart passed her by, the loud clacka-clack-clack of Sumalee's mule and the sound of wheels on pavement obscuring what secrets she could divine from eavesdropping. She glared at the pixie for her bad timing, then turned back to where Esme was supposed to be.

Unfortunately for her, Esme had moseyed farther down the road. "Urgh, and I have to follow her in these heels!" Stellaris said as she tried to keep up. Sneakily. Like a Sneak King.

Next was the Grand Agaman Market, Stellaris' thoughts swirling with insults as Esme perused the various shops. Seven Winds Cafe? Pah, their coffee tasted like burnt beans, probably. Saturn and Ravio's Rentals? Ugh, what good was a Sand Rod, anyway? Carrie's Curiosities? T-that antique typewrighter was... a-ancient. Why'd she need one, anyway? Why was she giggling when she sat somewhere with it and just pressed random keys? So, SO weird. Not weird enough to really throw into the gossip magazines, though. 

The next stop, though? Oooh, it could be filled with juicy gossip. Everyone loves to rip on someone's fashion! And here, in Fabulous Fashionistas, Stellaris could silently judge to her heart's content. What ugly robe was Esmerelda going to clothe herself in? Probably that hideous green dress, or that gaudy set of bangles? Oh, and those awful-looking rainbow shirts! Who would wear such a thing? Stellaris leaned in, watching Esme look through racks of clothes, ready to judge.

Much to her disappointment, a retro-80s shirt and sweatpants, while not to Stellaris's taste, was not something worth crowing over. They were ugly, but it was... normal. "I was so SURE she would go for the ugly rainbow one! Isn't that her whole thing? Ugh, whatever, time to-"

Her eyes widened as from the reflection in the glass, she saw the Queen of Rainbows herself. She was minding her own business, but Stellaris sweat buckets in fear of Chimata hearing such blasphemy and throwing her out into the market's dumpster for her crimes. As Esme left for her next destination, Stellaris skittered away before she was met with an unfortunate fate.

Fine. Clearly, Esme would at least have some disgustingly rich food, no? Or some monstrosity of a dessert that would make a fashion model cry. Maybe she even boldly eats those poisonous pufferfish like it's nothing, blech. Stellaris rubbed her hands together and stared as Esme walked over to a colorful food truck.

Ah, yes! It's that elf's food truck, wasn't it? Excellent! Each and every meal there might as well be a calorie bomb. Decadent waffles with whipped cream and chocolate? Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes with cream cheese frosting? Even a simple hot dog would probably clog her arteries! Stellaris could see herself, decrying such acts of gluttony in front of a crowd, embarassing the fortune teller enough to send her packing. Oh, a glorious vision indeed!

Stellaris grinned from ear to ear and watched as Esme put in her order, ready to make her absolute final, devastating judgement...

She blanched as Esme sat at a table nearby with a humble grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. Watched as the witch put her hands together in prayer, tears streaming down her eyes, and ate them as if it was her final meal on earth. All that money in the witch's pocket, and she spent it on a grilled cheese.

"Who cries over a grilled cheese, anyway?" Stellaris said to herself, her voice trembling. "That's just ridiculous! It's a cheese sandwich! She could make that at home if she truly dared. It's not like the elf's cooking is god's handiwork!"

As she pouted over the lack of juicy gossip, she overheard the crowd from somewhere nearby. Stellaris turned around and saw a man running through the streets with a bag slung over his shoulder, arrows flying from behind him as an officer shouted, "GET BACK HERE, THIEF!"

Fortuna Stellaris gasped as she glowed with astrological might, or at least with a bunch of glittery stars. If she couldn't find dirt on Esme, then she'll just have to impress with her mighty power!

"Halt, foul demon! You will not esca-" 

Even as lights tried to bind him, he slipped away, knocking over the table Esme was sitting out in the chaos. Her soup spilled over the ground, bowl breaking into shards. For a moment, Stellaris felt bad for her. She was still enjoying that, right? What a waste of food! But she could not let herself get distracted, using light as a whip to carry her away and after the thief.

That thief had legs, she'd give him that. But it was only a matter of time before he would fall, summoning dastardly Gemini twins and angry Leo Lions after him. He ducked into an alleyway, Stellaris skidding to a halt before she tripped over her heels and splatted onto the ground. The twins helped her back on her feet, and she glared as the thief blew a raspberry, running to the other side... And slamming into a massive red octogon sign, big enough to block the entire other side of the alley.

"T-take THAT!" Stellaris said with a laugh. "Surely, you didn't think I was out of tricks, did you?"

Then, she saw her: Esmerelda, walking up into the alleyway towards the thief. Her voice was low, dark, ominous as she said, "You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you." There was no question in her words, stated as bluntly as saying that the sky was blue. As the witch approached him, the thief clawed at the sign before he turned around, drawing a knife from his pocket. Esmerelda kept walking, and snapped her fingers. Stellaris watched as the knife turned a molten red-orange, the metal warping and melting as if it was scrap metal. 

Esmerelda ignored the thief's screams as she approached. "You have one chance: leave your ill-gotten goods with me and turn yourself in. It would be a much kinder fate than what will happen if you resist."

Fear overtook the man's mind as he lashed out and tried to punch Esmerelda in the face. Paint formed around her fingers and swirled in front of her, his fist meeting another red octogon that blocked his blow.

"Your fate is sealed, then."

With another snap, Stellaris watched in terror as white paint shot out like spider silk and wrapped the thief in a sticky white web. She grabbed the bag of goods, the thief restrained to the point where he could barely move. As the officers arrived, she tossed the bag at them and rolled the thief over to them with her foot. The two fortune tellers watched as the police saluted and whisked the thief away: one with shock, the other with gloom.

"Now I have to get another soup," was not what Stellaris was expecting Esme to say. "He made me waste food... And he broke a bowl. A bowl Dia spent money on... a nice looking bowl, too. A criminal to his very core."

Stellaris saw a tear fall onto the pavement as the color witch took her leave, walking straight back to the food truck and geting another bowl of soup, picking up the table and making a napkin out of white paint to clean up the mess. Was... was crying over soup considered gossip? No, not only was it lame, it was relatable. It didn't make Stellaris hate her competitor any less, but she could sympathize with her at least. 

With that massive failure under her belt for undermining the competition, Stellaris huffed and walked off to her shop, trying to devise a plan of attack to gain the upper hand on her eternal rival. One day, she'll take her spot back, and become the star of the show again. One day.