Fortuna Stellaris crumpled newspapers in her hands, her teeth grinding against each other hard enough to give her a headache. She knocked her tarot deck and crystal ball onto the ground in a fit and stomped her feet as if she was capable of causing earthquakes with each step.
"Damn that Esmerelda!" she swore, her long, midnight blue nails digging deep into flesh as she balled her hand up into a fist. "Damn her, damn her, DAMN HER!" Her fist slammed onto her table, her astrology books joining the crystal ball and deck on the floor. She grabbed another newspaper, tossing away the front page and classified, digging until she found the inevitable astrology and advice column. There was no astrology readings, however; they were instead various color fortunes for each birth month, as well as how to interpret certain colors.
Ripping the paper into shreds, she yelled, "ARGH!!! DAMN HER! How DARE she take away MY spot! How can some nobody like her suddenly gain that dumb newt's attention! His brain must be full of tissue paper and peanuts for him to suddenly oust me from my rightful spot! Or maybe she cast a spell on him, hypnotized him to make her do her bidding!" All the while, Stellaris's hands talked along with her, making big, sweeping motions before wiggling her fingers with scowl. "She's no one! She's irrelevant! Color fortunes? Ha! Why would anyone care for her when they have a superstar such as myself?"
Fortuna Stellaris stomped over to the curtains in the back and opened it up, revealing various pictures of herself in mystical clothing, starring in Mona Lisa paintings in her image, The Girl with the Pearl Earring, and even The Birth of Adam, her finger reaching out for God's. "Ah, look at me!" she cooed as her hands trailed down the painting, feeling every paint stroke. "All this magnificince, ready to deliver their fortunes of a lifetime! Beautiful, intelligent, and wise... What else could they look for? Why bother even going to Katrina's dingy tent when I provide all she does and more?"
"In fact," she said as she puffed up her cheeks in indignation. "What does she have that I don't?! Her hair's the color of snot! Her outfit has no coordination, no sense of style! And... and...!" Her brain faltered, slowed to a crawl in order to find the perfect insult. "Uh, she... is too skinny! She'd break the moment a man touches her, she's that willowy!"
Her thoughts trailed off, consumed with thoughts of Esmerelda dressed up in all the fancy, luxurious clothes she wanted, fitting in perfectly as she strolled down the catwalk. Stellaris's cheeks burned with anger with each and every scenario that flooded her mind. It became too much, her anger bursting forth as she flipped over her entire table with rage.
"I'll have to scout her out and get some dirty details on her life," the fortune teller said as she walked over to the front door and grabbed a pair of shades and a hat that rivaled Marisa's in size and starriness. "Something to ruin her reputation, to mock her for, to embarass her in front of everyone! I will not stand for some random girl from the slums to take my spot, no! I'll find something, even if it's the last thing I do!"
And with her vibrantly blue hair flowing behind her, she went through the door to the outside world and slammed it so hard, one would worry about the hinges.
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Stellaris slithered like a snake, trailing the green-haired fortune teller's every move. Seeing Esme even pop out from her dingy store filled her with rage, especially as passers by dared to say hello to her like an old friend.
"Ah, Esme!" said one such person, walking up to her with a warm smile. "How are things? Your store's been getting all the rave!"
Esme blushed and waved it off as she replied, "Oh, it's really not that much. Things are well enough, enough to be comfortable. And how is your wife?"
"Doing much better after your consultation, I'd say! Bursting with energy and tryin' to find whatever crafts she can get her hands on, just explorin' hobbies!" They sighed with happiness and looked Esme in the eyes. "Thank you so much, by the way. I couldn't stand to see her so gloomy and shut in, especially after her business-"
"I did not do the hard work, my friend," Esme interrupted, waggling a gloved finger. "I merely provided advice based on her fortune. She was the one who put in the work to improve herself, not I."
Stellaris leaned in, narrowing her eyes and trying to hear any more of that conversation when a cart passed her by, the loud clacka-clack-clack of Sumalee's mule and the sound of wheels on pavement obscuring what secrets she could divine from eavesdropping. She glared at the pixie for her bad timing, then turned back to where Esme was supposed to be.
Unfortunately for her, Esme had moseyed farther down the road. "Urgh, and I have to follow her in these heels!" Stellaris said as she tried to keep up. Sneakily. Like a Sneak King.
Next was the Grand Agaman Market, Stellaris' thoughts swirling with insults as Esme perused the various shops. Seven Winds Cafe? Pah, their coffee tasted like burnt beans, probably. Saturn and Ravio's Rentals? Ugh, what good was a Sand Rod, anyway? Carrie's Curiosities? T-that antique typewrighter was... a-ancient. Why'd she need one, anyway? Why was she giggling when she sat somewhere with it and just pressed random keys? So, SO weird. Not weird enough to really throw into the gossip magazines, though.
The next stop, though? Oooh, it could be filled with juicy gossip. Everyone loves to rip on someone's fashion! And here, in Fabulous Fashionistas, Stellaris could silently judge to her heart's content. What ugly robe was Esmerelda going to clothe herself in? Probably that hideous green dress, or that gaudy set of bangles? Oh, and those awful-looking rainbow shirts! Who would wear such a thing? Stellaris leaned in, watching Esme look through racks of clothes, ready to judge.
Much to her disappointment, a retro-80s shirt and sweatpants, while not to Stellaris's taste, was not something worth crowing over. They were ugly, but it was... normal. "I was so SURE she would go for the ugly rainbow one! Isn't that her whole thing? Ugh, whatever, time to-"
Her eyes widened as from the reflection in the glass, she saw the Queen of Rainbows herself. She was minding her own business, but Stellaris sweat buckets in fear of Chimata hearing such blasphemy and throwing her out into the market's dumpster for her crimes. As Esme left for her next destination, Stellaris skittered away before she was met with an unfortunate fate.
Fine. Clearly, Esme would at least have some disgustingly rich food, no? Or some monstrosity of a dessert that would make a fashion model cry. Maybe she even boldly eats those poisonous pufferfish like it's nothing, blech. Stellaris rubbed her hands together and stared as Esme walked over to a colorful food truck.
Ah, yes! It's that elf's food truck, wasn't it? Excellent! Each and every meal there might as well be a calorie bomb. Decadent waffles with whipped cream and chocolate? Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes with cream cheese frosting? Even a simple hot dog would probably clog her arteries! Stellaris could see herself, decrying such acts of gluttony in front of a crowd, embarassing the fortune teller enough to send her packing. Oh, a glorious vision indeed!
Stellaris grinned from ear to ear and watched as Esme put in her order, ready to make her absolute final, devastating judgement...
She blanched as Esme sat at a table nearby with a humble grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. Watched as the witch put her hands together in prayer, tears streaming down her eyes, and ate them as if it was her final meal on earth. All that money in the witch's pocket, and she spent it on a grilled cheese.
"Who cries over a grilled cheese, anyway?" Stellaris said to herself, her voice trembling. "That's just ridiculous! It's a cheese sandwich! She could make that at home if she truly dared. It's not like the elf's cooking is god's handiwork!"
As she pouted over the lack of juicy gossip, she overheard the crowd from somewhere nearby. Stellaris turned around and saw a man running through the streets with a bag slung over his shoulder, arrows flying from behind him as an officer shouted, "GET BACK HERE, THIEF!"
Fortuna Stellaris gasped as she glowed with astrological might, or at least with a bunch of glittery stars. If she couldn't find dirt on Esme, then she'll just have to impress with her mighty power!
"Halt, foul demon! You will not esca-"
Even as lights tried to bind him, he slipped away, knocking over the table Esme was sitting out in the chaos. Her soup spilled over the ground, bowl breaking into shards. For a moment, Stellaris felt bad for her. She was still enjoying that, right? What a waste of food! But she could not let herself get distracted, using light as a whip to carry her away and after the thief.
That thief had legs, she'd give him that. But it was only a matter of time before he would fall, summoning dastardly Gemini twins and angry Leo Lions after him. He ducked into an alleyway, Stellaris skidding to a halt before she tripped over her heels and splatted onto the ground. The twins helped her back on her feet, and she glared as the thief blew a raspberry, running to the other side... And slamming into a massive red octogon sign, big enough to block the entire other side of the alley.
"T-take THAT!" Stellaris said with a laugh. "Surely, you didn't think I was out of tricks, did you?"
Then, she saw her: Esmerelda, walking up into the alleyway towards the thief. Her voice was low, dark, ominous as she said, "You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you." There was no question in her words, stated as bluntly as saying that the sky was blue. As the witch approached him, the thief clawed at the sign before he turned around, drawing a knife from his pocket. Esmerelda kept walking, and snapped her fingers. Stellaris watched as the knife turned a molten red-orange, the metal warping and melting as if it was scrap metal.
Esmerelda ignored the thief's screams as she approached. "You have one chance: leave your ill-gotten goods with me and turn yourself in. It would be a much kinder fate than what will happen if you resist."
Fear overtook the man's mind as he lashed out and tried to punch Esmerelda in the face. Paint formed around her fingers and swirled in front of her, his fist meeting another red octogon that blocked his blow.
"Your fate is sealed, then."
With another snap, Stellaris watched in terror as white paint shot out like spider silk and wrapped the thief in a sticky white web. She grabbed the bag of goods, the thief restrained to the point where he could barely move. As the officers arrived, she tossed the bag at them and rolled the thief over to them with her foot. The two fortune tellers watched as the police saluted and whisked the thief away: one with shock, the other with gloom.
"Now I have to get another soup," was not what Stellaris was expecting Esme to say. "He made me waste food... And he broke a bowl. A bowl Dia spent money on... a nice looking bowl, too. A criminal to his very core."
Stellaris saw a tear fall onto the pavement as the color witch took her leave, walking straight back to the food truck and geting another bowl of soup, picking up the table and making a napkin out of white paint to clean up the mess. Was... was crying over soup considered gossip? No, not only was it lame, it was relatable. It didn't make Stellaris hate her competitor any less, but she could sympathize with her at least.
With that massive failure under her belt for undermining the competition, Stellaris huffed and walked off to her shop, trying to devise a plan of attack to gain the upper hand on her eternal rival. One day, she'll take her spot back, and become the star of the show again. One day.
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