Friday, January 28, 2022

The BRILLIANCE of Lord Valor! (Subtitled: Recruiting the Undefeated Samurai of the East)

 He wished he wasn't here.


Lord Valor hated it. Hated the stench of alcohol in the air, hated the unrefined atmosphere, hated the drunkards singing off-tune to Happy Hour Kareoke. He'd rather be on his ship, dining on crab roe and truffles with a glass of Chardonnay instead of this peasant's dumping ground. It was unbecoming of him to even be here, in a place his ex-captain would visit during her off hours. To even be remotely associated with her made his skin crawl.


However much he hated it here in the Golden Blade Tavern, there was one thing of value here. A certain someone in the corner, sitting with a bottle of what he thought was some cheap Grab 'n Go quality booze. There was no mistaking her long, pink hair, the goggle over her left eye, and the missing arm on her right side. Valor grinned, looking back towards his crewmates following behind for just a moment before approaching the rugged woman.


"Ah, if it isn't Baiken, Undefeated Samurai of the East!" Lord Valor said, twirling his pencil-thin moustashe. "A pleasure to see you again after, ah, two years?"


Baiken didn't look back at him, throwing back her drink in one glug. "Cut the crap and spit it out: what do you want?"


"You wound me, to say such cold words when we haven't seen each other in so long!" Valor sighed and shook his head. "Come, now, I'll pay for your, ah-"


"I already paid."


"W-well, then why don't we chat, talk about the past like good friends-"


"You're nobody's friend."


A vein pulsed in Valor's forehead, though he kept it hidden with his purple pirate hat. "Alright, then. I have but a simple request: Join our crew once more! Forget about your little, ah, journey for revenge. No, you can't have revenge if you lack the funds to make it through the week! With your strength and my wits, we can, pil- ah, claim anything we wish!"


The samurai turned her head towards him, her face scrunched up in a scowl. "Like hell I would."


Valor's crew glared and took a few menacing steps before Valor held up his hand to stop them, though he was half-tempted to let them fight her. "Are you absolutely sure? We could take you anywhere, maybe gather enough forces for your cause and-"


Baiken stood from her seat, the crew cowering a little as she towered over them. "If you had any sense, you would have brought Xiulan with you."


"Wh-what?! That nobody? Some backwater girl with more muscle than  brains? Hah!" Valor snorted and spat at Baiken's feet. "She's barely even worthy to shine my shoes, nevermind captain a ship. We... aided her in an early retirement-"


STOMP. All eyes were on the group now as Baiken slammed one foot onto the floor and shook the ground. "Leave, if you know what's good for you. I'm giving you five seconds."


"B-boss, should we really try to convince her?" asked one of the crewmates as Baiken began her countdown.


Valor was barely listening, seeing red and pointing at the samurai. "You buffoon, don't you know what that means? She won't order you around!"


"Four."


"A-and I would pamper you like a queen-"


"Three."


"And all the riches you want!"


"Two."


"Why wouldn't you want to work under the great and mighty Lord-"


In the blink of an eye, he was truly seeing red as Baiken slammed her sword sheath into his face. He fell over like a bag of potatoes, his crew at his side to attempt to aid him. He opened his mouth to sputter something unintelligble, but the samurai was already out the door, heading out into city streets.


Valor coughed and gurgled out, "Ugh, that absolute wench...! What do I need to do to persuade her to join us?! Must I serve her Xiulan's head on a silver platter?" The crew stared at him, no one daring to interrupt him. "Gah, to think we'd have to go and find her body as proof that she is inferior! Finding it might take aeons! But no matter... Baiken WILL join us, no matter what it takes!"


"C-couldn't we, uh, find... someone else?" asked a crewmate as the gang helped Lord Valor up on his feet and took him outside. "Like, someone who would... or could... do everything we wanted?"


"Pah! I will have none other! I have witnessed Baiken's strength for myself! Even though she was simply RUDE to not even wait until ONE to strike me, her strikes are strong and true! All would respect us with her at our side! To think, even in death, Xiulan would continue to be a thorn at our side. I swear, once we find her...!"


They dared not tell him that it's been months since she jumped off the plank. They dared not to tell him that the body might have been claimed by the sea at this point, if not picked at by starving seagulls. All of them knew he would throw a fit and ignore reality, and rather than deal with Lord Valor's tantrum, they simply dragged him to the ship and nodded along like sycophants.


Somewhere, out there, Xiulan sneezed, looking up at the skies as if a bad omen was on her.


*COMING SOON: LORD VALOR SERVES A DEAD XIULAN HUMBLE PIE! MAYBE. COMING THIS MAY ON ZFRP!*

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