Welcome to Tara City, a place where dreams come true! Where
the air is fresh and the water is clear! The roads are all paved and most of
the buildings look like they were inspired by the middle ages. Definitely more
chic and modern, but there’s no getting away from their roots of sovereignty!
There’s many things do to: biking, window shopping, sleeping, fighting a giant
mechanical lizard…
Yep. Even fire-breathing mecha dragons live here in Tara
City! Or, at least, this particular one was extra feisty, trying to eat passersby
and chow down on an entire convenience store. Oh, who could possibly save Tara
City from this menace?
Not Rita Shepard, that’s for sure. She was far too busy
making sure a customer didn’t kill her for putting only a single shot of white
chocolate in her White Chocolate Mocha and being ESPECIALLY sure to use extra
whipped cream and caramel sauce for someone’s Caramel Macchiato. In fact, she
was trying to avoid dying altogether, which was rather hard when you are simply
one person working as a barista in Tara City of all places.
Fortunately, the line wasn’t too long, and she had all the
time in the world now to watch the news as some super handsome Kamen Rider hero
swooped in to kick the mechanical fiend. The way they kept their cool in the
heat of battle, the way they tanked that fire breath, the way they delivered
their one-liner… It just took her breath away. It also didn’t help that they
were probably ripped underneath that goofy outfit. How many villains did they
bench press to look that good? Ten? Twenty?!
Yes, the masked, handsome, cool, and sexy Kamen Rider was
absolutely stunning compared to tall, fat, mousy-looking, dweeby Rita Shepard.
The only thing she had going for her was her lovely streaks of gray in her
brown hair, and even then, that was more from her job stressing her out than
good genes.
One day, though, she wished that maybe, just maybe, she
could be a Kamen Rider. Then suddenly she’d become absolutely stunning and
deliver one-liners with ease and learn to flirt with men and women alike! But
alas, she settled for serving up a nice old lady a cup of lemon ginger tea.
That’s a heroic deed, right?
Later that day, Rita returned home to some disturbing news:
her cat had gone unfed for the last eight hours, in spite of dry food just
sitting there, waiting to be devoured! And when Mr. Kitty was hungry, he was
sure to let Rita know.
“BUT YOUR FOOD IS RIGHT THEEEEEEERE” she protested to her
master, who merely meowed angrily at her. He would simply not relent, so it was
time to open up some wet food. Chicken and gravy flavored mush, Mr. Kitty’s
favorite!
After feeding her kind and generous master, Rita poured
herself a big bowl of cereal, dumped milk in it, and munched away as she turned
on the TV just in time to see… Kamen Rider talking to an interviewer?
“Fighting monsters all alone is a real hassle,” they said in
a tone that reminded Rita vaguely of smooth, velvety chocolate. “And honestly,
I could use a little… help. So I’m looking for a sidekick to help me out, help
lessen the burden a little!”
A fire burned in Rita’s heart. A chance to work with THE
Kamen Rider? Like, actually work beside him? And do heroic stuff and maybe
scream out “WHAT?!” a couple of times? It was the perfect opportunity, the
greatest chance she’d ever get!
…But wait, she needed something. Some magic power or Kamen
Belt or something. Did they sell those on Amazon?
So Rita spent most of the night hunting down these secrets
on the internet before passing out in a heap on the couch, Mr. Kitty jumping on
top of her and making sure his favorite butler was okay.
The next day, Rita’s scouring Tara City in the hopes of
finding some ancient artifact to give her ultimate power. Amazon has yielded
nothing, and the auditions are tonight! Or at least, that’s what her reliable
sources told her. She bumbled into hat shops and tried on a million hats. She
stumbled into antique stores and grabbed a pocket watch that she thought would
let her control time, but that $5k price tag was not something she was going to
afford, ever. She even went to a javalina farm!
Fucker bit her finger, and she didn’t even get javalina
powers from it. What a ripoff!
Her last stop was at a mysterious store named “Oracle’s
Cranny”. She always passed this place on the way to work, and it always smelled
of patchouli. Inside were a definite wealth of crystals advertised to heal
ailments, essential oil cocktails said to soothe the soul, and maybe a mantis
or two. They certainly looked magical to Rita’s untrained eye, so it was all a
matter of touching everything and saying magic words under her breath.
After grabbing her fifth crystal and yelling out, “I SUMMON
YOU, WHITE DRAGON!” the owner came out from behind the counter, staring at her
with icy blue eyes. Rita quickly put the crystal down and smiled meekly, shuffling
towards the door.
Then, the elderly owner asked, “You desire power?”
Rita stared back into those icy blue eyes and shivered. “Yeah?”
“For what purpose?” Rita could see the silvery hairs behind
that mysterious purple robe, and wondered if she was actually speaking to a
wizard.
“Because I want to be a hero like Kamen Rider! Why else?”
“Hm.”
Rita stared at the owner as she headed back behind the counter
and opened a drawer. She pulled out a necklace, a brilliant blue gem hanging
off one end in the shape of a teardrop. The owner walked back towards her and
slipped it around Rita’s neck, then stared right back at her.
“Should your intentions be pure,” she said slowly, holding
up a finger and pointing at Rita’s heart, “you will find the power you seek.
Heroism merely for the sake of playing hero, however, is hardly heroism at all.
You would do best to remember that.”
Honestly, Rita wasn’t sure what she meant by all that, but
she said, “Thanks!” Then, after a moment’s deliberation, she asked, “So, uh, I
owe you how much?”
The woman smiled and replied, “Your companionship alone
would be enough, if you would not mind.”
Visiting some weird lady instead of paying thousands of
dollars for a magical artifact? Sold! After promising to visit her on a regular
basis, Rita rushed off to the sidekick auditions, ready to kick ass and take
names!
The auditions were held in the beautiful Grand Tara Park,
the sidekicks already posing under cherry blossom trees for the camera people.
They were absolutely eating this up, taking more photos and video than they
could ever need in the hopes that they’ll get a fantastic shot. Even Kamen
Rider was posing along, the flash reflecting off his bug-like red eyes.
Rita stood in a looong line of people trying to apply,
watching as each one before her showed off their moves. Kamen Rider nodded his
head and watched them carefully before waving them off. Rita was surprised he
didn’t seem to like Mr. Stretchyarms Mcgee with his goofy antics, or Mr.
Sparkleman and his roar as he charged up an energy ball and threw it up in the
air. It exploded into the shape of a giraffe, too! Honestly, she’d work under
Mr. Sparkleman. He’s good people.
One by one, the line went down, and sure enough… it was Rita’s
turn. She rubbed her hands together and prepared to unleash the most wondrous
thing ever done! Sure, she forgot to actually ask the lady how to work this
thing, but if she wished really, really hard, it’d work! Right?
She held up her hands for just two seconds before Kamen
Rider shook their head and said, “Mmmmmnah, no, you’re not really fit for this
sort of thing.”
Rita was taken off-guard, taking a step back as she said, “But
I didn’t even do anything yet!”
“And I can already tell you’re going to be a disaster for my
publicity.” Kamen Rider yawned as they added, “I mean, I can’t be seen with
anyone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. The public would start questioning
my abilities as a hero and a mentor, and I simply can’t let that happen.”
“Again, I didn’t even do anythi-“
Kamen Rider sighed. “Exactly! I don’t even know you! At
least with the others, they have some sort of profile, some sort of presence in
the city! They can actually do something! Meanwhile, you are known by how many
people? Have YOU done anything to protect the city recently? Hm? Have you?”
Rita clenched her fist and growled, ignoring the loud
thumping coming from far away. “As a matter of fact, yes!” she said. “I saved
college students from the deep dark depths of despair! I’ve spared others from
the wrath of caffeine-deprived businessmen! I serve coffee, which saves the
lives of many from… from… from all sorts of things! So THERE!”
“Oh, boo hoo, you serve coffee to grandma every morning,”
Kamen Rider said after yawning again. Rita’s cheeks were burning red as they
continued, “Listen, we’re talking about actual heroics! Like saving a princess
from an evil wizard! Like fighting off an army of demons! And you have done
absolutely NOT-“
A large shadow was cast on the two of them, prompting both
to look up out of curiosity. And there it was: another giant, mechanical
dragon, now with twice the anger that the other one had!
Kamen Rider dived out of the way as the fiend launched a
fireball, setting the grass around them on fire. Rita backed off and waved her
arms, hoping her new necklace would do something. Unfortunately, it didn’t, so
she backed off before the flames decided to leap at her and set her favorite
dress on fire. She could only watch as Kamen Rider smashed their fist into the
dragon’s nostrils once, twice, three times in succession, then deliver their
trademark RIDER KIIIIICK!
The dragon was hardly impressed and smacked him away with
one hand. Kamen Rider landed on their feet before jumping high into the air and
delivering an uppercut to the dragon’s jaw, forcing it to stagger back. He
dodged fireballs and claws with ease now as the crowds of people cheered him
on. His fists glowed a bright yellow as they fired off an energy blast right
into the dragon’s nose, then jumped up to punch it in one of its eyes. Of
course, the explosion was cool enough for Kamen to take advantage and pose for
a picture. They were being just too cool.
Meanwhile, here Rita was, doing absolutely nothing but
waving her arms and muttering incantations to no avail. She frowned as each and
every attempt failed to make the crystal do anything, anything at all, until
she simply stopped trying and pouted near a tree. She wondered- no, she knew that Kamen was right. She wasn’t
much of anything, and she didn’t do any heroics, no matter how much she wanted
to. All she was… all she’d ever be was some coffee barista. Just big, fat,
stupid ol’ Rita, compared to strong, handsome, heroic Kamen Rider.
In the chaos of the fight, the fire spread outwards around
the park. She could already hear the sound of a firetruck headed their way, but
it’d be hard for them to get here safely with a mechadragon in the way. It got
close to a bystander, a cute little girl no older than 9 who was recording
Kamen Rider from afar. She backed away from the fire, trying not to get burned
but also trying to take the perfect video of Kamen Rider, up until she tripped
backwards on a rock. She crawled back, but the fire was advancing faster and
faster…
Rita saw that she might not escape. The fire was almost on
top of her. Kamen Rider was too busy fighting this dragon to save this girl.
She didn’t have anything on her resume about heroics… but
there was no better time than now.
“I’VE GOT YOU!” she shouted as she dived right in, grabbing
the girl and running to a safer place from the flames. She could feel the girl
shiver in her arms, clutching her phone tightly to her chest and sniffling
loudly. She set the girl down and patted her on the head as she asked, “Hey,
are you okay? You didn’t hurt yourself too bad?” The girl shook her head. “Good!
I’ll keep you safe, then! No fire’s going to hurt you on my watch, okay?”
The girl looked up at her, then down at her phone. Then back
to her before she nodded and hid behind her. The flames haven’t stopped, but
Rita was determined to find a way out of it. There must be a safer place to
wait for the firemen. The sidekicks didn’t seem to have anyone among them that
could put out fires. And of course, she couldn’t do anything. So maybe they had
to rely on Kamen Rider?
Damn it. If only she could do something…!
Then, the crystal began to glow a brilliant blue. Rita
wondered if she was about to get some new duds in a second… but alas, that was
too much to ask for. She did feel more powerful, somehow. Curious, she held up
her arms and muttered an incantation…
Much to her surprise, she shot out jets of water, dousing
the flames closest to her. She heard the girl gasp in delight, and she knew… She
knew exactly what to do. She waggled a finger, conjuring a small orb of water.
It grew and grew in size as she focused harder and harder, then it launched
itself at the flames and burst like a bubble, dousing all the fires at once and
making it rain just a little bit.
Rita smirked, proud of her accomplishment for a few minutes
before she heard a loud THUNK and the sound of cheers. Kamen Rider defeated yet
another mechanical dragon and was probably about to deliver another cool
one-liner, as per usual. All attention was on him now as he posed dramatically
for all the cameras.
The crowd would never notice her accomplishment. They were
all gobbling up whatever nonsense Kamen Rider was putting out there. At least
she had her first fan: a little girl who recorded all the cool things she did! And
for now, that was enough.
When she returned home, Rita remembered Kamen’s words…
Then, she said, “Well, if I haven’t done enough for them, I’m
just gonna have to do enough to catch their attention! I’ll save more little
girls from fires and cats from trees and all that other good heroic stuff! And
then… and then I’ll be just like him! Except without the nasty attitude. I
think.”
Full of hope, Rita went to bed, ready to brainstorm how to
get recognition from Kamen Rider…
…Step number one, though? Make up a cool hero name.
There is a comment below from the author, thanking everyone for their support.
"Look forward to the next installment, guys~!
With love,
B.C.")
This guy is not Kamen Rider. He's a jerk. Someone call Hondo, this jerk is soiling his good name.
ReplyDeleteI hereby dub this jerk Kamen Rider Void, because he has a big hole in his head and you should a-void him.