The Cryptid Club, Part 1

“And THIS is today’s fine specimen, caught today just outside my house!”

WHAM! The box landed on the long table with a thud, startling a guy right off his phone and hardly impressing a girl who had just opened a bag of chips. Their companion was rather excited about the contents, judging from how fast she opened the box.  After exchanging glances, the duo peered inside the box to see what was inside.

“WAH!” The man jumped back, eyes wide with shock as a big, fat stag beetle crawled out from the box. “What the fuck, Julie?!” he said after seeing that the beetle wasn’t going to fly at him anytime soon. “Why’d you bring a stag beetle in here?!? Is that for a new biology project or something?”

Julie flicked back her long, black tresses and smirked as she grabbed the beetle and held it gently in her hands. “Oh, David, you poor soul,” she said, “don’t you know anything? This is not just any stag beetle. Oh, no, it’s a very special stag beetle. Care to guess why?”

There was no hint of hesitation when David replied, “Because it’s fucking HUGE, that’s why! Look, it’s as big as your hands!”

The chip girl squinted at the beetle for a moment, then turned her attention to Julie with her beady eyes. “You think it might be related to the Kobber Stag Beetle?” she asked, reaching out and petting the beetle with a finger.

“Right, right, right, Hannah!” Julie said, twirling around and presenting the beetle again with a flourish. “This beetle his undoubtedly related to that Stag Beetle! Look at its size, its mandibles, and its ‘don’t-give-a-shit’ attitude! Aaah, a true beauty to behold!”

Hannah and David could have sworn the dark, secluded room lit up for a second with how happy Julie was about a bug she found outside her house. David forced a smile and clapped for her, trying his hardest not to look too hard at the beetle and imagine it crushing his hands. Hannah, on the other hand…

“It really is nice, but aren’t we looking for Cryptids?”

And just like that, Julie’s smile faded. David paled, shooting Hannah a look that it was probably NOT a good idea to keep talking.

Ignoring David’s warning, Hannah pointed at the many pictures of Mothmen, goatmen, Jersey devils, and Alien Big Cats. Bigfoot, Nessie, and yetis were up there, too, but there was nothing resembling a giant stag beetle among any of the pictures.

“We made the Cryptid Club to look for Cryptids, not for bigger beetles, didn’t we?” she asked. “Otherwise, we’d be known as the Entomology Club, not the Cryptid Club!”

Julie glared daggers at Hannah as she continued her casual chip chomping spree. Her blood boiled at the thought of Hannah ruining the one thing she actually managed to find. Who did she think she was, anyway? She certainly wasn’t running this club. No, she was just a mere member. And members don’t call the shots around here, do they?

Although… with only two other members, Hannah did have power. It was like she was the Judicial Branch of Government, overruling the Executive Branch! No, that would mean David was Congress, and that certainly wasn’t right. He was just the Vice Prez. Her partner in crime! And Hannah was just the secretary! And the treasurer!

Upon realizing that Hannah had two positions instead of just one, including the matter of handling financial affairs, Julie quickly shoved all her anger away and gave her friend a smile.

“You’re absolutely right, my pudgy friend!” she said cheerfully, wrapping an arm around Hannah and leaning in far too close for comfort. “It’s just a first step in finding the wondrous creatures that evade us in our daily lives! Who knows? Maybe I’ll see a mothman outside my house tomorrow! Ohohohoho!”

Hannah stared at her for just a moment. Julie wasn’t sure if that was a look of approval or something else. Maybe she was silently judging her. Maybe she knew, just knew this was just a bullshit excuse to get attention. She could feel those beady eyes on her, looking through her very soul.

After a few moments of silence, Hannah declared, “You’re absolutely right! And to do that, we’re gonna need more members!”

More members? Julie swooned at the thought! More people, here to witness how smart and clever she was, clapping when she would eventually capture the Jersey devil with her own two hands! ‘Oh, Julie, you’re so great!’ they would say, holding out snacks and fan letters for her, only her! Oh, the thought of it made her feel just giddy!

“Excellent thinking, Hannah! We’re going to need to make some adverts, hm? Oh, and we’re going to need pizza, chips, cookies… People LOVE pizza! There hasn’t been a club on campus that hasn’t hosted a pizza party for their members! And…”

As Julie got to work on her grand scheme, David pulled Hannah aside and whispered, “Hey, you sure this is a good idea? She’s getting a bit too excited about it.”

“Well, it’ll help us make more friends, won’t it?” Hannah replied. She looked back at Julie for a moment before whispering back to David, “It’ll also help us look legitimate. You already know the SGA might shut us down because we’re not up to standards. We’re only three people, using up an empty room and the generosity of our sponsor. Who knows? Maybe we’ll actually educate the public about the weird things in Manhattan!”

David adjusted his glasses and looked over at Julie with a frown.

“With her at the helm? I dunno about that…”

Bored. Absolutely bored.

Emily sat under a gazebo on the campus grounds, holding her backpack close to her as she stared blankly at the people passing her by. All of her classes were done for the day, so she didn’t have the benefit of a distraction. Texting Jacob and asking him if he wanted to go out somewhere didn’t do any good. He didn’t even respond! She didn’t even have anything in mind to do, but god, she needed to do something! Maybe she should go and see if she can find a Fite Club…

After about 30 minutes wasted lounging around on a bench and staring at where the flowers would be if it wasn’t wintertime, Emily grabbed her backpack and started walking past all the fanciful buildings, all the smiling faces, all the fountains the school put up to look nicer to people touring around, walking until she finally reached the dorms. Seven flights of stairs later, she managed to reach her room and-

“Hi, Em!”

Emily could hardly contain her excitement as she saw Brandon, wearing his favorite parka as he waved at her cheerfully.

“YO, BRANDON!” she shouted back at him as she high fived him. “Give me a minute, gotta find my keys!”

She pulled out a keychain from her pocket and tried every single key until one of them just so happened to open the door. Emily went in first, making sure the kitchenette was clean, the table was clear, and that her roommates were in class instead of poking their noses into her business. Afterwards, it was all a matter of them settling down on the couch in front of the living room TV, surrounded by posters of metal bands, pirates, and the occasional Kobber.

“So, what’s goin’ on?” Emily asked as she playfully punched Brandon’s shoulder. “You don’t just come on campus for nothing, bro.”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing, that’s all,” Brandon replied as he switched the TV on and channel surfed until he finally found Animal Planet and their endless showcase of cute animals.

Emily took off her hat and slouched on her friend as she groaned, “I’m fucking bored.”

“Oh, dear. Classes are done already?”

“Yeah, and Jacob’s working! And I already had lunch, and dammit, I just want to fight something right now!” She clenched her fists and punched a couch pillow, glaring a bit too furiously at nothing in particular. “Least I’d have something to do!”

Brandon patted Emily on her head, smiling gently at her as he said, “There, there. I’m sure you’ll find something! Preferably something that doesn’t involve flinging yourself into battle at the first opportunity,” he adds as Emily began to crack her knuckles. “Unless you’d like to learn some sort of martial art?”

Emily sighed and looked up at the ceiling as she laid on the couch like a lump. “Man, I dunno. It’s kind of pricy, and I don’t got the cash to fling around on stuff that doesn’t help with the whole starving college student thing, ya feel me?” She looked back at Brandon with curiosity in her eyes and asked, “What’d you do after classes when you were in college, B.C.? It wasn’t all eat, sleep, and study shit, right?”

“No, it was more eat, study, and die slowly on the inside,” came the blunt reply. Emily’s curiosity was quickly replaced by worry before he added, “Seriously, though? I went to most of the events the University had to offer! The culture fair, for one… Homecoming, prom, 1 mile walks for cancer…”

Suddenly, Emily saw a glint in Brandon’s eyes, a spark of inspiration! Or maybe that was just the sun reflecting off his glasses! Either way, something was up as he smiled at her and said, “Oh, I know! Why not join a club! You’ve have something to do on some nights and you’d meet a lot of people that like the same things you do! It’ll be loads of fun, I promise!”

Emily leaned towards Brandon until her face was close to his, eager as a puppy ready to play.

“Do they have a Fite Club?” she asked, unable to keep her excitement down.

“No.”

Her excitement deflated as quickly as an untied balloon as she slouched back on the couch and glared at Brandon. “Man, don’t even get my hopes up like that! You were just settin’ me up for failure, bro!”

“Sorry Em,” he said with a tinge of shame. “There isn’t a Fite Club or a Kobber Fan Club or anything like that, but you could join the Drama Club, or the Gaming Club, or even the Book Club!”

Emily yawned, sinking further into the couch as she asked, “Anything other than those, Brandon?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Em,” Brandon sighed as he pulled out his phone and looked for anything else his friend would be interested in.

Guilt washed over Emily like a sudden bout of freezing rain. “B.C., don’t even bother now, man,” she said as she crossed her arms and looked away from him. “I’ll find something myself, bro.”

It didn’t help that Brandon was giving her a worried look. “You sure, Em? I mean, I don’t have much to do today either, so if I could help you out…”

“Man, you don’t gotta do that for me! I’ll be good! I’ll find my own club and-“

Before Emily could start shouting any louder, there was a knock on the door. Emily scrambled off the couch and put her slouchy hat back on before she cracked the door open, peeking out to see who it was.

There were three people standing outside her door: One was a short, pudgy girl with short, curly brown hair, wearing a floral dress and holding a stack of papers. Another was a tall, lanky dude with short blonde hair, wearing a black shirt and jeans as he held a notepad in his hands. And the last was a brunette, wearing the glitteriest shirt Emily had ever seen in her life. It was so glittery and colorful that Emily was reminded of Lisa Frank school supplies.

“The fuck do you want?” she asked them as she opened up the door a little wider.

The short girl spoke up first with a cheery smile. “Hi, we’re looking for members for a brand new club, and we were wondering if you would be interested!”

For one moment, Emily could have sworn they eavesdropped on her conversation. This was way too coincidental! Or maybe she was just that lucky? Or maybe they read her MIND! Either way, she opened the door further and tried to look mysterious and menacing as she replied, “Go on, I’m listening.”

“Well,” the tall dude began with a grin, “We’re part of a club called the Cryptid Club. We’re all about Cryptozoology and everything it entails! We search for the supernatural and talk all about it, educating everyone about the wonders they’ve been missing out all along!”

“We even do battles with the supernatural forces of EEEVIL!” the glittery girl said as she began to twirl. “Our goal is to expose the esoteric, show everyone our love for the weird, and explore the wonderful world of the strange!” She spun faster and faster and faster until she was a tornado of glitter, then stopped with a flourish when she asked, “So why don’t you join us, hmmm?”

Tempting. Very tempting. But there was just one thing Emily had to ask.

“If we find one, can I punch a sasquatch?”

The trio exchanged nervous glances as Emily waited for an answer.

“Why, of course!” the glittery girl replied. “Especially if it’s an EVIL sasquatch!”

“You should punch a giant bagman instead, but I won’t stop you from punching one if you found one,” the tall man said with a meek smile.

“If they’re okay with it, then I am, too!” said the short girl cheerfully. She handed Emily a flyer and said, “Well, our first meeting is tonight at 7, and there’s going to be a lot of free food for everyone!”

Before Emily could say anything else, she saw the shadow looming over her. The glitter girl and the tall dude noticed it too, yelping as Brandon towered over all of them with stars in his eyes.

“Did I just hear ‘esoteric’ AND ‘free food’?” he asked, hands clasped together and trembling with excitement. “I didn’t just imagine that, did I?”

“Oh my god, it’s an actual GIANT!” Before Emily realized what was going on, the glittery girl had her phone out, snapping pictures and uploading them as fast as her fingers would let her. She shot the short girl a look and snapped, “Hannah, quick, read its mind! What does it want?!?”

Hannah squinted at Brandon with her beady brown eyes before she turned to her friend and replied, “He wants a Meat Lovers with a side of red pepper flakes, Julie!” She hesitated for a moment, glancing back at Brandon one more time before she added, “And a two-liter Dr. Pepper, too!”

“That’s not what I mea-“

“HOLY SHIT YOU CAN READ MINDS!” Emily blurted out over Julie snapping at her friend. She grabbed Hannah by the shoulders, eyes shining bright with excitement. “Bro, bro, tell me: What am I thinking now?”

Hannah blinked, then brought her hands to her mouth. “Is that an anime? It’s… um, Shinobiman, right?”

“YES! And what about now, bro?”

“Kogasa?”

“And now?”

Emily’s excitement was only tamed by Brandon bopping her gently on the head. “Now, now, Em,” he said with a smile, “don’t wear her out! Telepathy is hard work, you know!” He turned his attention to Julie next, frowning a little as he said, “And I’m not really a giant. Just a really tall guy. Thanks for the complement, though!”

For a second, Emily thought Julie shriveled up like a raisin in the sun at the terrible truth. Hannah’s spirits, however, were not so easily dampened.

“Well, I think that’s all the time we have right now! We have other people to talk to. Please consider joining us tonight!”

As the trio left to find another target (the tall man dragging a still-stunned Julie away from Emily’s door), Emily turned to Brandon with the widest grin on her face.

“This is going to be great shit, man! We’re gonna be like the Nerd Club! Except with 100% less nerds!”

Brandon clasped at his chest, groaning in mock pain as he said, “Oh, Emily, how could you forget? I’m 200% nerd! And you call yourself a friend!”

“Then we’re like, what, a Dollar Store Nerd Club?”

“Basically!”

The two stared at each other for a moment before a devious idea crossed Emily’s mind.

“Brandon, you still have that kickass cosplay, right?”

Judging by the sly smile he had on his face, Brandon already knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Say no more, Em! Meeting’s at 7, so… My house at 6?”

“Done. See ya then, B.C.!”

As Brandon took his leave, Emily rubbed her hands together as she set off to settle any unfinished business.