Dischord in Discord

(Note: this was all done on a whim because I was bored and wanted to indulge in stupid things while doing some worldbuilding. Or, uh, character development, anyway. So please enjoy this smattering of dorks being dorks and a shameful attempt to replicate Chatzy Madness on a smaller scale. )

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Dischord in Discord 27: It's Beginning To Look A Lot like Saltmas

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BeautifulChrimmus: guys
BeautifulChrimmus: it crimmus
BeautifulChrimmus: merr crimmus
MiraculousMaiden: it's december, not christmas
TheHolyKnight: In december, every day is Christmas, my dear maiden~
BeautifulChrimmus: ...are you just outright flirting with her
TheHolyKnight: Yes!
MiraculousMaiden: he's always like that
RaymooFan: He's basically Brock, Drying Pan puns included.
BeautifulChrimmus: ...You mean he actually sung a song about chosing between Jenny and Joy?
RaymooFan: Oh shit.
TheHolyKnight: ...
TheHolyKnight: ...
TheHolyKnight: no, but that's a fantastic idea, brb-
WhiteTurtleDove: good mo-
WhiteTurtleDove: oh dear
MiraculousMaiden: inb4 he just reenacts the Pokemon Musical
BeautifulChrimmus: >:D

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MerryFool: hey tort
WhiteTurtleDove: ?
MerryFool: i got the goods
WhiteTurtleDove: ?!??!?!?
MiraculousMaiden: what goods we talkin
MerryFool: I don't know how she did it, but she managed to send me an early gift!
MerryFool: AND ITS KIRBY STAR ALLIES
BeautifulChrimmus: *ALARMS WHIRRING*
MiraculousMaiden: OOOOH SHIT KIRBPOCOLYPSE COMING
RaymooFan: oh lawd he comin
WhiteTurtleDove: It has my best friend in the DLC soooo
WhiteTurtleDove: Have fuuuun~
MerryFool: Oh... oh man, oh boy oh man oh
DurianDinosaur: fool's mind is explode
MiraculousMaiden: It explodes every time everyone gifts him a gift, it's crazy
MerryFool: YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GIVE ME ANYTHING AND YET HERE YOU GUYS ARE BEING TOO NICE
MerryFool: I CAN'T TAKE IT
MiraculousMaiden: Then perish.
MerryFool: D:

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TheHolyKnight: I'm drowning in Christmas plays yet again!
TheHolyKnight: My throat will go hoarse from all this caroling!
MiraculousMaiden: Is one of those a Godzilla Christmas?
TheHolyKnight: I wish. :c
BeautifulChrimmus: Wait, wait, there's... there's plays?
BeautifulChrimmus: About Godzilla?
MiraculousMaiden: They're kinda small-time plays because its a niche thing that opened up once CGI became the norm in kaiju movies
MiraculousMaiden: The kaiju are smaller to scale but still pretty stinkin big
TheHolyKnight: They're fun to do, especially for the soundboard guys!
TheHolyKnight: We had a drought of them until one guy presented one where Baragon was actually... *gasp* a competent hero!
TheHolyKnight: could have sworn one of the guys hyperventilated at the sheer thought
RaymooFan: Baragon fan located
DurianDinosaurs: They exist?
TheHolyKnight: There's fans of Death Ghidorah. Here, anything can hadplen
TheHolyKnight: But alas, no Godzilla Christmas. Nobody's been bold enough to try. So instead I'm random background carolers, a Grinch who steals Christmas, and ghosts.
BeautifulChrimmus: YOU MONSTER
TheHolyKnight: I'm a mean one as the Grinch~
WhiteTurtleDove: He really is a heel
DurianDinosaur: As cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel!
MiraculousMaiden: MR. GRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCH
RaymooFan: Only fruit flies and maggots think he's a steal.
TheHolyKnight: D:
BeautifulChrimmus: 911? Hello? I'd like to report a murder...


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DurianDinosaur: spino update
DurianDinosaur: there is still a spino-shaped hole in my heart
DurianDinosaur: santa, are you watching?
DurianDinosaur: Are you listening?
DurianDinosaur: plz gib spino
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BecauseCrimbo: So that last convo about Godzilla plays got me thinking
BecauseCrimbo: I looked them up and... uh, Attack of Bridezilla's one of those!
MiraculousMaiden: Uh oh.
WhiteTurtleDove: OH NO
RaymooFan: Brando, I STRONGLY
RaymooFan: HEAVILY
RaymooFan: suggest you don't start with that.
BecauseCrimbo: ...Why did I just get chills from that?
RaymooFan: You're a cyrokinetic.
MerryFool: Knight coming in 3... 2... 1...
MerryFool: 1...
MerryFool: 1...
MerryFool: ...he's not coming is he
TheHolyKnight: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS MOTHRA, DON'T
TheHolyKnight: DO NOT
TheHolyKnight: IT IS A DISASTER FROM START TO FINISH
BecauseCrimbo: ...I know I shouldn't... but I must know
MiraculousMaiden: don't do it, Brando
MiraculousMaiden: You have so much to live for!
WhiteTurtleDove: Like Emily! And Dia! And Kirby!
WhiteTurtleDove: Kirby believes in you!
BecauseCrimbo: BUT I HAVE TO KNOW
TheHolyKnight: *SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*
TheHolyKnight: Okay then, tell me: What do you think when you hear the title?
TheHolyKnight: What do you think is gonna happen?
BecauseCrimbo: Some gal Godzilla's getting married to Mothra finally
BecauseCrimbo: Then just as the wedding bells toll, a Ghidorah wannabe ruins the wedding
BecauseCrimbo: Bridezilla, blind with rage, goes on a rampage to find the culprit, humans and the Mothra Fairies scrambling to find this monster and point Bridezilla in the right direction before Tokyo is destroyed, both by a grieving dino and Ghidorah being a shit
BecauseCrimbo: Mothra Larvae Twins are included.
TheHolyKnight: That's... that's amazing
DurianDinosaur: I don't think Godzilla and Mothra are the type to get married to each other tho
BecauseCrimbo: CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
RaymooFan: If I don't see this script on my desk by New Years, you're grounded.
BecauseCrimbo: D:
TheHolyKnight: Amazing... but I'm sorry to say, this play wasn't that.
TheHolyKnight: It's basically "typical Bridezilla sheenanigans played completely straight, complete with Godzilla contemplating about this marriage"
TheHolyKnight: its like... the concept was RIGHT THERE
TheHolyKnight: THEY COULD HAVE MADE SOMETHING COOL, MAYBE NOT NECESSARILY GROUNDBREAKING BUT THEY COULD HAVE CHANGED THE WAY WE PERCIEVED GODZILLA
TheHolyKnight: But NOPE, gotta make fun of Bridezillas and a wedding gone wrong, complete with the sickening vibe of, "oh, those wimmen!"
TheHolyKnight: I absolutely despise it because it's not a Godzilla play, it's a play about a wedding gone wrong and treated like a joke (that wasn't even executed well, I could go on for aeons on that)... the people just so happen to be guys in kaiju suits.
TheHolyKnight: there's not even an epic fight scene.
TheHolyKnight: What's the point of a kaiju play if there's not even going to be a big stupid fight or big stupid destuction?
MiraculousMaiden: There was big stupid destruction, tho
MiraculousMaiden: a destuction of a marriage
TheHolyKnight: ...You got me, but you're on thin ice, maiden.
MiraculousMaiden: OH BRANDO
MiraculousMaiden: WATCH  THIS
WhiteTurtleDove: OOOH NO MAID DON'T DO IT
MiraculousMaiden: Baragon did nothing wrong.
TheHolyKnight: LKJSGDKLGJGJIOSDFJOGSDIOGSGDjuofd dfjioghhjdf aso MAID FOR FUCK'S SAKE WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS
MerryFool: it's beginning to look a lot like Saltmas
TheHolyKnight: BARAGON DID EVERYTHING WRONG
TheHolyKnight: the cake wasn't even impressive!
MiraculousMaiden: You're only saying that because you're jealous nobody saved you a slice afterwards.
MiraculousMaiden: you tsundorke
TheHolyKnight: ...I-It's n-not like I WANTED any cake, b-baka...
BecauseCrimbo: WAIT
BecauseCrimbo: WAITWAITWAITWAIT
BecauseCrimbo: DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE IN IT
RaymooFan: Holy fuck, what?
DurianDinosaur: waht a tweest!
WhiteTurtleDove: :OOOOOOOOOOOO
TheHolyKnight: ofuk
TheHolyKnight: MAIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MiraculousMaiden: gottem
DurianDinosaur: ...which kaiju were you
TheHolyKnight: It's a secret~
MiraculousMaiden: He's Jet Jaguar.
TheHolyKnight: ... maid plz.
DurianDinosaur: That was YOU?!
DurianDinosaur: But there's no hamminess to be seen!
TheHolyKnight: They wanted me to play it straight.
TheHolyKnight: If they paid me to do this again, I'm going full blown impromtu with the buds. >:I
MiraculousMaiden: not even boring plays are safe... not for long
RaymooFan: so tl;dr: Knight suffered for man's sins. press F to pay respects.
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MiraculousMaiden: SO WHO WANTS TO SAVE CHRISTMAS?!?
TheHolyKnight: ME!
DurianDinosaur: ME
WhiteTurtleDove: D: Who is stealing Christmas this time?
MiraculousMaiden: I have no fucking clue but if anyone wants to come to Manhattan for a jolly good time come on over
TheHolyKnight: THE TIME HAS COME AND SO HAVE I
RaymooFan: An incident?
RaymooFan: Time to be Reimu.
MerryFool: Wish I can help...
BeforeCrimmus: I'd help but I'm at work ;_;
WhiteTurtleDove: Give Maid your energy so she can save Christmas! \o/
MerryFool: \o/
BeforeCrimmus: \o/
DurianDinosaur: I don't got no hands
DurianDinosaur: how can i support my friend now?
BeforeCrimmus: Don't worry, Pookums will put up her paws for you!
DurianDinosaur: :, )

*LATER*

MiraculousMaiden: WE DID IT
MiraculousMaiden: WE SAVED CHRISTMAS
MiraculousMaiden: FROM CORPORATE GREED OR some shit
RaymooFan: We saved it from the mob.
MiraculousMaiden: SAME THING
TheHolyKnight: Maiden pulls out a miracle as usual, my heart swelling three sizes as she kicks his ass~
BeforeCrimmus: Did you blast him with Holy?
MiraculousMaiden: I was outta juice
MiraculousMaiden: so I piledrove him into the ground
DurianDinosaur: BAH GAWD
WhiteTurtleDove: :O Just like in your wrestling days!
MiraculousMaiden: I'm surprised you remember
RaymooFan: Pretty sure Knight just showed her a whole bunch of those clips and she went on a binging spree.
TheHolyKnight: Either way, Santa's off to do Christmas things and we're all going out to dinner! :D
RaymooFan: Debating whether we should go to a steakhouse or an all-you-can-eat buffet.
BeforeCrimmus: Uh, maybe eat somewhere where you don't slip into a food coma right before present-opening time?
RaymooFan: Ha!
RaymooFan: Haha!
RaymooFan: Nope.
MiraculousMaiden: we could always eat at the Target food court again
MiraculousMaiden: Target, sponsor me, I used your stupid fuckin store as a weapon
DurianDinosaur: Did you see Spino?
TheHolyKnight: Oh, you poor soul.
TheHolyKnight: No, so I had to make due with an Indoraptor.
DurianDinosaur: >:I 0/10

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MiraculousMaiden: Okay, its time
MiraculousMaiden: What should I have for Christmas Eve Breakfast
MiraculousMaiden: dork.choose soup, cereal
DorkBot5000 [BOT]: It's time for soup!
MiraculousMaiden: make room for some maruchan, bitches

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WhiteTurtleDove: HASHIRE SORI YO
KAZE NO YOU NI
TSUKIMIHARA WO
PADORU PADORU

*WhiteTurtleDove immediately swarms the discord with a flood of cute chibi girls in santa suits, with some christmas cats mixed in*

MiraculousMaiden: THE PADORUING BEGINS
BIG CHRISTMAS: MERRY CRIM
TheHolyKnight: I-I can't handle all these girls
TheHolyKnight: wh-what's a man to do?
RaymooFan: Nothing, because I'm stealing them all.
MiraculousMaiden: Oh shit
WhiteTurtleDove: NO STEALING
WhiteTurtleDove: ONLY LOOKING


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MiraculousMaiden: Christmas report
MiraculousMaiden: i'm fucking drowning in presents
MiraculousMaiden: and Fool just flooded me with steam games
MiraculousMaiden: i'm dying
MiraculousMaiden: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS
TheHolyKnight: You're our friend.
TheHolyKnight: That alone is enough reason~
MiraculousMaiden: LKJGDKLSJLJGKLGGJS SHUT UP
RaymooFan: Welp, time to explode her with sappy shit
WhiteTurtleDove: >:D My time has come!
MiraculousMaiden: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*RIP Maiden, died of kindness*

A Very Merry Kishmas, Epilogue

Under the cover of night, the trio gathered around Santa in Central Park, Rein the Reindeer grunting as Santa checked the magical sled that popped up, already hooked onto her ride. Kisha was glad people were too distracted by other things to notice them.

After she made sure everything was set, Santa turned to the others and bowed as she said, “Thank you so much for all you’ve done! Without you guys, I don’t… I don’t know what I would have done!”

“Eh, it’s nothing,” Kisha replied with a smile. “All in a day’s work.”

Santa did not seem pleased with this answer, ears drooping as she frowned. “I-I hope your work doesn’t involve a lot of close calls like that…”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Yep, let’s not mention the other perilous situations she got herself in. Like fighting a spirit that haunted a stage, getting in a tussle with a sentient island hellbent on making everyone recognize him as perfect, and last, but not least, fighting a god who went absolute batshit. “But what about those presents? We can probably help find them-”

“They’re in space.”

Edward and Jaz were busy enjoying coffee. Not for long, as Edward spat out what he had, while Jaz choked hers down. “…You lost presents,” Jaz asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion, “in space?”

“Yep,” Santa replied. “They shot me down while I was coming over here, so the presents are lost in space. So um, much as you might wanna help with that, I… I think I have it from here!”

The trio exchanged glances, Jaz staring at Kisha and mouthing, “Santa’s an alien.”

Alien or not, though, Kisha did get close and whispered, “S-so, the mob boss told me you already know what people want… Meaning, you already know what my friends want, right? Why’d you ask me for help with that?”

Santa glanced over at Kisha’s two friends, both occupied with their phones before she whispered back, “It wouldn’t feel genuine if you didn’t pick out the gifts, you know?”

“S-still, you gotta tell me!” Kisha leaned in closer, eyes wide, pleading. “Wh-what DO they want? From me, I mean?!?”

The bunny girl simply smiled and said, “Your company’s the greatest gift you could provide. If you don’t believe me, ask them!” She then hopped in her sleigh, Kisha dumbfounded as the sleigh levitated. The bunny girl waved at the gang as she shouted, “Thank you for everything! Good bye, and have a very Merry Christmas!”

All Kisha could do was wave with her friends as Santa took off into the night sky, her silhouette visible against the backdrop of the moon. After enough waving, though, Edward turned to Kisha with a smile as he asked, “Well, that sure was a thrill, wasn’t it? Good thing that gun jammed or…” He fell silent for a moment, his smile looking more awkward by the minute.

“Probably Chjawuamn pulling some strings again,” Jaz pointed out as she looked directly at Kisha.

Kisha shrugged. “Who can say? Not like a bullet would keep me down for THAT long, anyway…”

Jaz rolled her eyes. “Nope, that’s Chjawuamn’s doing. If it was just a coinkydink, you wouldn’t have gotten up so fast. God knows I wouldn’t after a beatdown like that.”

“...M-maybe I’m just a stubborn bastard,” Kisha retorted weakly. She DID feel something during that whole mess. Some otherworldly power, pushing her onward.

Jaz continued to stare blankly at her before she shrugged and sipped her coffee. “Whatever you say, Kish. For now, let’s just get some proper grub already. Beatdowns make me hungry.”

“Then we can go last minute Christmas shopping, right?” Edward piped up. The girls stared at him for a second before heading off without him, much to his disappointment. “Awww, don’t you guys wanna go shopping now? You know, after all that hustle and bustle?”

“Let’s talk AFTER food, Ed.”

“After getting throttled in Target? Nah.”

So the three friends set off, to laugh and enjoy themselves over dinner, excitedly recounting the misadventure to their friends in Discord. And on Christmas Day, even Kisha’s tree had plenty of gifts underneath, the girl hearing a distinct “Hohoho!” as a cold wind brushed against her boarded-up window.

By far, the merriest Christmas Kisha ever had.

A Very Merry Kishmas, Part 4

On the days before Christmas, people were more excited to prep gifts and watch Christmas parades. Maybe take some photos of Christmas trees and be extremely envious of their neighbor’s obnoxiously elaborate nativity scene. The only issue they’d imagine is fighting lines to get those last minute gifts before they were gone.

So imagine everyone’s shock as two dorks and a Santa cosplayer barreled down the sidewalk, one of them firing a flurry of light and dark blasts at some really elaborately-dressed mobster cosplayers. A light show bedazzled all that watched, multicolored danmaku countering those blasts and lighting up the sky like fireworks. Most moved out of the way: there was no way in hell they were going to get caught up in one of these… incidents. Others, well, they certainly had their phones out, ready to brag to their friends that they witnessed something fantastic.

Santa certainly wasn’t having a great time of it, cringing at the sound of magic soaring through the air. She could barely hear herself squeak, “H-he’s somewhere to the east! G-go east!”

“Hard to tell where east is when you’re in the middle of a chase, buns,” Edward pointed out, wincing as stray blasts careened into cars, much to one man’s discontent. “Any way you could be a bit clearer?”

“U-uhm…” Santa tried to think through Edward shoving an unattended hot dog cart at their pursuers, one of the bunny men jumping over it with ease before he tripped and fell, trampled over by his friends. “I-I’m not exactly sure how I could…”

As if nothing ever happened, Edward smiled at her. “Why not pretend we’re playing a game of Hot and Cold? Just tell us if we’re not on the trail or not, and we’ll take it from there!”

Kisha groaned and cast a dirty look towards Edward. “Are we REALLY doing this right now?”

Santa ignored her, focusing even amidst the chaos, and said, “Cold… Kinda cold…”

Wonderful. Kisha now had to run through a city playing a dumb game of Hot and Cold with her best friend and Santa, all while flipping off the bunny mob. Suddenly, traveling the city seemed more like making her way through a maze, only a bunny girl saying, “Warmer… waaarmer…” leading her in the right direction. Gods, she was tired. So tired from all this running, tired of launching spells willy nilly, and definitely tired of bunny men jumping over cars and gliding through their air through magic bullshit. It was times like these where she wished she could drop a big stinkin’ meteor on them, but the satisfaction of outright murdering them would be countered by the sheer amount of jail time she’d spend for destroying part of New York.

The mob was closing in, glaring at the gang through their shades. Kisha was stumbling over herself, panting, sweating, lightheaded. Swearing under her breath, she quickly scanned the area, looking for a place to duck into before she saw a Target and hauled ass.

Edward’s went bug-eyed when he saw where she was going and shouted, “Kish, I know you want to snag that Spino for Double D, but this isn’t the time!”

“A Spino would make for a great weapon against these fucks, actually!” Kisha points out, looking directly at the rabbit mob and muttering something as she cast another spell. Instead of speeding herself up, though, the flow of time slowed around the mob, all of them looking as if they were stuck in slo-mo. Good enough for Kish as the gang put enough distance between them, losing themselves in the crowd as they walked into Target.

Kisha flopped into a chair in the food area, catching her breath and grumbling, “Fuck, those guys are annoying! More persistent than Yursarsh’s cronies!” She turned her head towards Santa, brow furrowed as she frowned. “Why the hell are they after you, anyway?”

Santa sagged like a sack of potatoes, ears drooping as she replied, “I-I actually don’t know. I was preparing for the big day when one of them found me and tried to drag me somewhere. S-sorry…”

If there ever was a time to groan, now was it. “Don’t think they’ll be telling us anytime soon, so guess we’ll just have to kick their asses. Only a matter of time before they find us in here, anyway, so we gotta prepare.” She glanced over at Edward, who took this time to buy everyone coffee with a goofy grin on his face. “Ed, how’s Jaz holding up?”

Edward just set down Santa’s coffee, the bunny girl happily taking sips as he checked his phone. He was baffled for two seconds before the goofy grin returned, goofier than ever. “Well, before that… Hot or Cold, Santa?”

“I like my coffee hot,” Santa replied. She got blank stares in response, grin fading a little from Ed’s face. Only then did she realize what he meant and stammered, “I-I mean, uh, um… uh… he’s close!” Eyes closed, focusing again… “Oooh, he’s actually SUPER close!”

Kisha glared at Edward as he texted something, eyes narrowing as she asked, “Come on, spit it out: what’s up?”

“What the fuck’s up, indeed?”

That was definitely not Edward. Edward was too busy giggling like a schoolboy who told a bad pun to his friends. She looked up at the source and saw a familiar face, dressed like a punk shrine maiden, a reindeer chomping on an apple in her hand.

“Yo,” Jaz said with a smirk, clearly basking in the reactions of her friends and Santa’s look of glee. “Found this jackass trying to eat all the candy canes. He’s not even sorry about it.”

In spite of this reindeer’s new criminal history, Santa leaped out of her chair to hug the reindeer and nuzzle him, tears rolling down her cheers. “Rein! Oh, Rein, I’m so glad you’re okay! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you…!” Rein nuzzled her back with a grunt, almost like an old man reluctant to say he cared for his silly Santa-cosplaying daughter. Almost.

“One issue down at last, and thank fuck for that,” Kisha said with a small smile, taking huge glugs of coffee like her life depended on it. “Think my legs’ll fall off if I kept running trying to find this stupid reindeer.”

Jaz snorted and took a seat beside her as she replied, “Maybe next time, don’t forget about leg day?” One glare from Kisha later, she was all business as she asked, “So, mob’s still after you?”

Edward glanced outside and saw people scattering, bunny men now waving actual guns and breaking down doors. He looked back, all his joy and cheer leaving him as he said, “Yep! And they don’t look too happy.”

“I wouldn’t be happy either if my target decided to pull a disappearing act,” Jaz pointed out before she looked over at Kisha. “There’s no way we could get out of here without those guys seeing us and getting more innocent people roped into this. And from the look of it, these guys would chase us around the globe just to get their hands on Santa. You got a plan for this?”

Kisha’s face twisted into a grimace. As if they hadn’t caused enough chaos already. “Got no choice but to make our stand here, do we?”

“We could slip out the back, where their stock comes in,” Edward said. “Head towards the streets and find a better spot to fight. Like that abandoned district-”

“Oh, HELL no. I’m not running to the other side of Manhattan! I’d be worn down before we even get to the fight part!”

“And that’s assuming the mob’ll give us that chance,” Jaz said, closing one eye while using the other to keep those mobsters in her sights. “This place is as good as any to fight back, if we play our cards right.”

The three friends exchanged looks between each other, then glanced over at Santa in unison. Kisha then turned to Edward, a knowing smile creeping up on her face.

“Say, Ed, ya think the Manager’ll let you use the intercom?”

“Attention, all shoppers! Target will be closing in five minutes! Please make your final selections and bring them to the front for checkout. Thank you!”

It was a little odd for security guards to lock the front doors for the time being and escort the customers out through the emergency door for any reason other than a fire, but once the manager heard this strange story of the mob coming after Kisha and friends because, “Mr. X has a big grudge against them,” he wasn’t willing to take any chances. Nevermind the fact that Mr. X wasn’t much of a big deal in these raging streets anymore… unless Mr. X’s ghost decided to haunt them and possess a rabbit guy. The manager stayed with just a handful of employees, most of them not eager to deal with the aftermath, but diligently watching over Santa and her reindeer pal in the security room as the three friends went to work.

Carrots were all scooped up, tied with string to sticks like lures. Mannequins were brought down from pedestals, stripped of all their clothes before a complete Santa outfit was slipped on in their place. Nerf guns and a plastic sword were taken out of their packaging, a pillow serving as perfect target practice.

All was quiet for a time, after the prep was complete. Nothing stirred within, not even a mouse.

Then the silence shattered with the glass doors that kept normal people out, the rabbit mob marching in and scanning the area. There was one bunny taller than the others, sniffing at the air and glaring at nothing in particular.

“Santa’s in here somewhere,” he said, voice gruff as if he smoked ten packs of cigarettes a day. He didn’t even turn to his henchmen as he pointed forward. “Scour every last inch of this place, and drag her to me. Kicking and screaming, if need be.”

“YES BOSS!” the grunts said in unison, scattering about the store. No stone would be left unturned.

Not that they needed to look far. One group saw a shadow of that floppy eared cosplayer, turning to each other with a grin before following it and pointing guns at the source.

“WE GOT YOU NOW, SANTA-” one said with a devilish grin… one that faded into confusion when they were met with just a mannequin with a Halloween bunny ears and a Santa outfit. They turned to each other, baffled, before a quick flash of light blinded them just long enough for Kisha to leap from her hiding spot and throttle them in their faces, grinning as she heard their noses crack. One tried to grab her, but she just grabed him by the arm and threw him into one of his buddies, gun flying out of his hand. A blast of energy smashed into Kisha, but she gave absolutely no shits as she shoulder checked him right into another mannequin, the mobster passing out and slumping.

The others heard. Of course they heard: they’re weird bunny men! But its not like they could come to their coworkers’ rescue. Some of them saw the carrots and followed them as they were dragged along, hungry after all that running they did. Once they got them, though, a blanket fell on top of them, the mobsters confused until Jaz dove towards them and kicked them right in the head, right into unconsciousness. Others were distracted by an ungodly amount of dinosaur noises, one of the men screaming as he accidentally triggered a grab ‘n growl dinosaur. He knocked it off of him, panting before he sighed in relief… then he saw the shadow of something BIG, and THUMP, THUMP, THUMPs.

Poor bun passed out from sheer fear alone, his allies ashamed until an actual dinosaur roar hit their ears, loud enough for them to cower in the aisle. They were so busy being scared, they hardly noticed when a sword hit them in the back of the head, hard enough to knock them out.

Edward grinned, taking out a remote and putting the volume down on all the TVs as he said, “Looks like even mobsters know not the mess with dinos~” He didn’t bask in his victory for long, especially when a shower of arrow-shaped blasts rained down on him, cringing as they burned skin. A mobster threw themselves at him, ready to punch him out when his fist collided with the sword. Edward stepped back, dodging the next blow with relative ease. From the corner of his eye, he saw another bun about to jump him and ducked as he threw a punch, grinning like a loon when the mobster collided with his ally instead and seizing the chance to knock him out in one fell strike.

One by one, the grunts fell, the gaggle of dorks dragging them all towards the middle of the store and tying them all up in a blanket with rope. Jaz stood on a table, keeping a lookout as Kisha made one more knot for good measure, grinning ear to ear.

“Bitches didn’t see that coming, did they?” she said, excitement coursing through her veins. “That’ll show them to mess with the Santa Defense Force!”

Jaz turned away from her duties to stare blankly at her friend as she asked, “Is that what we’re calling ourselves now?”

“I dunno, it sounds pretty snazzy!”

“Course you’d say that, you dork.”

“It’s something,” Kisha piped up, Edward smiling while Jaz got back to her duties. “Either way, looks like we’re in the clear. All we need to do now is let Santa go and do her thing, then we can celebrate with a big dinner!”

Jaz rolled her eyes, unable to keep a smile off of her face. “Course you’d say that-” That smile quickly faded as she saw something jump and knock her right off the table, smashing her into the floor. Kisha and Edward were taken aback for a second, Jaz glaring hatefully at this last mobster before he grabbed her and tossed her away like last week’s garbage.

The boss bunny towered above the duo, looking down on them like ants as Kisha cried out, “JAZ!”

“...To think, the boys would have so much trouble dealing with you filthy shits,” he said. Kisha glared daggers at him and lunged before she was met with a knee to her chest. She staggered back, rearing back an arm as she prepared to toss a ball of light at him when his leg shot out and kicked her in the throat. She fell over, coughing and gagging on her own spit, trying to get back on her feet before he kicked her again, the force enough to send her careening into a shelf.

He turned his attention to Edward next, the man holding up his plastic sword and watching his movements carefully when Jaz shot back up, lunging towards the mobster and kneeing him in he back. He staggered only a little, but it was enough for Jaz to sweep him and watch him tumble. She grabbed a chair display, ready to end this quick when the boss’s leg shot out again, kicking her squarely in her stomach. She dropped the chair and coughed as he got back up and punched her again and again, only ceasing when Edward smashed and broke his toy sword on his back. The boss whirled around and kicked Ed in the face, glasses flying off and shattering at it hit the ground, but Edward still standing tall in spite of this.

“You call that a kick?” he shouted, dodging the next kick with an ease that took the boss off guard for a second. “C’mon, I’ve seen grandmas hit harder than you!”

Kisha was just starting to get back on her feet when Ed was kicked into a shelf nearby, groaning and wincing in pain. “Ed, you oka-” she started, before she saw the bruises and blood running down his nose.

“N…never… better,” Edward replied with a groan, shaking the stars out of his eyes.

Kisha made a quick mental note to heal him later. Later, because big boss bun  was only barely held back by Jaz getting right back into the action, countering his kicks with her own and trying to keep him busy. She tried to get up, cringing as a sharp pain surged in her chest, using the shelving to prop her back up. “The fuck… is your goddamn deal?” she shouted, voice hoarse, hands sparking with magic she can’t seem to muster up. “All this just to get your hands on Santa?!”

Jaz could only counter those kicks for so long when he feinted kicking out with his left foot and instead blasted her with a shower of bullet-shaped danmaku, the punk shrine maiden cursing as she collasped onto the floor.  “Should have…fucking brought my talisman,” she muttered, looking up only to get a foot to the face, skidding backwards into pillar.

The boss looked down at each and every one of them before he finally turned his full attention to Kisha. “You wanna know why, huh?” he asked. The way he started to grin made her feel uneasy. “I’ll tell you why: Money.”

Kisha looked at him as if he were a schoolyard bully who beat the hell out of his classmates just for some lunch money. She didn’t dare interrupt him, though. Ed didn’t, either, just nodding along and looking at him as if begging him to continue.

“Y’see… Santa’s got a gift. Not like she goes around buying gifts last minute… Nah, she ain’t like you,” the boss said, eyes flicking between the trio. “She can make all those gifts show up, just like-” SNAP. “that. Knows exactly who’s wishin’ for what, with that reindeer leading the way better than any GPS. She can even summon the rare shit, all those things people would die to get their hands on. She can be a real moneymaker for us: gettin’ all that rare shit and sellin’ it will make us a pretty penny. And I’m sure there’s a market for delivery on Christmas day, for all those last-minute shoppers.” He chuckled, his grin threatening to split his face. “We could squeeze a pretty penny out of those poor, desperate losers, can’t we? Hehehehe…”

The priestess stared at him like he was a Mall Santa who charged kids by the minute to hang out with him and take photos. After a full minute of letting him chuckle, she said, deadpan as could be, “Are you fucking shitting me.” The boss turned his attention on her now with a look that screamed ‘annoyed’. “You’ve gotta be fucking shitting me. I’ve heard some stupid motivations, but that one’s gotta be the STUPIDEST fucking thing!”

Edward’s eyes went wide like dinner plates as Kisha stood up, the boss glaring at her and standing up to face her. “That’s rich, coming from the idiots who started wars for less.”

His shadow twisted as it turned into spears of darkness, shredding his suit and puncturing his legs, but the boss leaping out before it caused any damage. Kisha held out a trembling hand, shadows receding before they reached out to try to grab the boss, who shot them down as easily as he did with Jaz. “You’re stealing kids’ hopes, dreams, and gifts and trying to make bank off of it! We’re haven’t sunk that low, you sleazy piece of shit!”

He didn’t even bother to answer her, even as she lunged towards him. He simply gut punched her and blasted her, knocking her onto the ground before planting his foot into her face, grinding it right in. “That’s enough out of you,” he said. “Only reason I haven’t killed you yet is because you know where Santa is… So…” He pulled a gun from his pocket and aimed it, looking down at Kisha as he growled, “Where is she? Tell me, and maybe, just maybe, we can forget this ever happened.”

“Eat shit.”

BANG. A bullet lodged itself in the floor, close to her face. “I won’t ask again: Tell me where Santa is.”

From the security booth, Santa watched. Watched as Kisha stared in defiance, the boss glaring hatefully back at her. Edward, frantically looking around for something, anything he could use to distract the boss, just for a moment, but finding nothing. Jaz, stirring, pulling something out of her pocket.

All of them, fighting for her safety. Even when their lives were at risk… She clasped her hands together in prayer, Rein at her side as she prayed for a miracle in silence.

A miracle she wasn’t sure would happen as the boss grew tired of Kisha’s stunt. “Maybe your friends’ll loosen those lips if I make an example out of you. You had your chance.”

Even in the very end, Kisha saw fit to spit on him, goading him to get it over with. He pointed the gun at her head, her friends staring in shocked silence as he pulled the trigger-

Click. He stared. She wasn’t dead. Click, click. He looked down at his gun…

…A jam. A jam NOW, of all times. “Piece of-” he started, before Kisha blasted him in his face, standing up with a vigor he thought lost. He saw the aura around her, a power that wasn’t there before, and threw a punch on the whim that maybe he could stop it.

No dice. She caught that punch easily and grinned as if someone delivered her birthday present right to her door. “So much for making an example outta me, huh?” she shot back before pulling him in and ramming her first into his gut. Spittle flew from his mouth, the boss staggering back and moving in to punch back when a shower of nerf gun darts smacked his face. Reflexively, he put his hands up to protect himself from Jaz’s vicious assault, but it wasn’t enough to protect him from gravity suddenly intensifying around him, bringing him to his knees and putting him in just the right position to get drop kicked. He crashed into a shelf, several potted plants crashing onto him as he staggered back up,  throwing his gun away in favor of more danmaku. Nothing a reflective barrier couldn’t handle, boss cursing under his breath as he’s pelted by his own attack.

The Santa Defense Force gathered up, Kisha grabbing Edward’s glasses and slipping them on his face before helping him to his feet, the trio standing defiantly against the mob boss bun. He looked absolutely livid, hissing, “How DARE you? Do you even know who you’re messing with? I’m the-”

Before he could finish, he was met with more nerf darts. “LET ME FUCKING TA-”

“BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME WE’D LET YOU!” Edward retorts, dashing and grabbing him, hurling him in Kisha’s direction. “ALL YOURS, KISH! FINISH HIM!”

One would pray for a merciful death with a spray of magic. Least a meteor and explosions kill quickly. Unfortunately for the mob boss, he wouldn’t get it, as Kisha pulled him in and grinned.

“My pleasure,” was the last thing the boss heard before he found his head slammed into the ground with a piledriver. He slumped, too weak to move as the gang tied him up.

With the mob taken down, the trio cheered, high fiving. From the booth, the employees celebrated, completely forgetting their cleanup duties as hype overtook them. Santa watched with tears with joy, holding Rein tight as she realized what the trio had done.

Christmas was safe.

A Very Merry Kishmas, Part 3

 “Let’s find a reindeer!” they said. “It’s not like you’re trying to find Waldo or anything!” they said.

That’s what Kisha thought, too, up until the search actually began. It may be a wild animal, but it was a wild animal in a sea of people and cars, in a city that saw kaiju-sized monstrosities roam its streets and had its fair share of superheroes and psychics lurking in the nooks and crannies. It wasn’t as easy as going to Times Square and calling out the damn thing’s name. Not that it could even hear anything among the crowd of tourists harassed into buying some guy’s bootleg DVDs.

Holding out pictures of a reindeer and asking if they saw one in an attempt to spark a conversation about it weren’t going very well. Neither was Edward’s plan to check under holiday hotspots, as the crew was pushed back so that a family could take a photo under the giant Christmas Tree. Food cart owners shook their heads at the mention of reindeer, some of them rolling their eyes and asking, “Ey, ya gonna buy somethin’ or what?” Kisha would have throttled them, but Edward thanked them for their time and pulled out a wad of dollars, walking away with a big bag of food.

To make matters worse, people oggled at Santa whenever she happened to be in the same area as a Mall Santa, cheerfully shouting things out like, “Let’s do our best this year!” and “Try not to eat too many cookies this time!” The Mall Santas were as confused as everyone else, but at least made a heartfelt attempt to nod and smile at their fellow Santa Cosplayer. Kisha enjoyed it at first, up until her bunny pal actually waited in lines for Santa. Edward was with her, patting her on the head and saying, “Now, now, Monica, be patient! Have to be patient, or you might end up on the Naughty list!”

Kisha decided to bury that building feeling of secondhand embarrassment by wandering off into a bookstore, coming face to face with more reindeer plushes than she could imagine. All of them, with beady little eyes, looking into her soul. Pleading with her. Adopt them, they’re so cold… so lonely…

After two hours of searching malls and Times Square and coming out with plush reindeers, bootlegs, and more photos of Bunny!Santa hanging out with Mall!Santa than anyone ever asked for, Kisha sat on a bench, angrily shoving honey-roasted peanuts in her mouth, Santa pulling a pretzel out of the bag while Edward ate half of his own.

“Stupid reindeer shoulda been easier to find than this,” she grumbled inbetween bites, glaring daggers at pigeons that got too close. “Didn’t see him around kids or holiday shit or anything! Hell, there was a Santa convergence and he didn’t even show up!”

Edward patted Kisha on the back as she grumped, reassuring her with a, “There, there. We’ll find him eventually! We did just look around just one part of a big city!”

A loud groan escaped her lips as Kisha slumped back and sagged. “One down, a million more to go. We won’t be able to find him til Christmas if we’re busy searching for his dumb deer ass on foot.” She glanced over at Santa, the bunny girl staring back in confusion until she asked, “Hey, you sense your deer anywhere? Anything to narrow it down?”

Santa’s ears twitched before she closed her eyes, still nibbling on her pretzel before her ears twitched and adjusted themselves like TV antennae. “Mmmm, he’s closer, but I can’t pinpoint where,” she said with a frown once she opened her eyes, ears flopping back down on her face. “Seems like we’re in the right area, though. We just need to find the right spot, that’s all!”

Edward took out his phone, hastily texting as he said, “Good to know~! Jaz’ll appreciate the info. No driving all the way to Queens or taking the subway everywhere!”

“Yeah, but the place is still huge, Ed,” Kisha pointed out, wiping down her hands with a napkin and resting her head on the bench as she stared into the sky. “We already hit up the major holiday hotspots and, lets face it, if there was reindeer in the middle of Central Park, someone would have made a big fuss about it by now. We’d see like five thousand photos of the damn thing in the zoo and a headline.”

She sighed, pulling out her phone,ready to google up how to summon a magical reindeer when, from the corner of her eye, she saw a shadow. She looked back, a man quickly hiding behind a tree when she spotted him. The priestess turned back around and pretended not to notice him,  sitting up straight using the selfie function on her phone to try to get a better look as she pretended to prepare for pictures. Bingo: guy came out, wearing all black, bunny ears twitching, eyes locked onto Santa.

Edward raised an eyebrow as she ran her fingers through her hair while glaring at this mysterious photobomber. “Getting ready to captivate a crowd, hun?” he asked, eyes trailing from her face over to the weird man in black. “Or just…?”

“Eeh, just making sure my hair’s fine,” Kisha replied, putting away her phone and pulling out her wallet. She scanned the area, spotting a simple hot dog cart nearby before she turned to Santa. “Hey, Santa, could ya do me a favor?” The bunny girl turned to her just as she shoved some dollar bills in her hands. “Get me a hot dog, will ya? Load it up with extra everything, while you’re at it!”

“Make it two, actually!” Edward piped in, handing some more money to the confused bun with a grin. “Just a ketchup-mustard topping on mine, if you would!”

Santa glanced between the two of them, breaking into a small sweat as she asked, “O-okay, but didn’t you guys JUST eat?” When the two of them just grinned at her, the bun nodded and rushed off to get those hot dogs, Kisha sighing in relief and looking back at that man in black. Eyes were still set on Santa, bringing out some phone and typing something before looking back at the bunny girl.

Edward leaned in, grin exchanged for a serious, furrowed brow as he whispered, “Something up, Kish?”

“Fucker might be one of those guys hunting down Santa,” Kisha whispered back, making sure that the culprit wasn’t looking in her direction. “Who the hell wears getup like that in public?”

“Could be someone who really likes the Men in Black. Or a LARPer.”

A blank stare was Kisha’s gift to Edward for that one. “Uh, sure, I’m going to fucking LARP in public and pretend I’m hunting down aliens. Yeah, no, Ed.”

As the man in black moved towards Santa, Edward glared at him for a moment before he looked back at Kisha… or rather, the half-eaten bag of peanuts. “Mind if I have those?” Kisha stared at him for a moment before reluctantly relinquishing them to him. He grinned as he opened them slightly… then hurled the whole package at the man’s feet, nuts spilling onto the ground.

Confusion twisted the bunny man’s features for a split second before a cloud of pigeons descended on him, pecking at him as they greedily searched for food. He screamed, waving his arms to try to chase them away, but they were persistent, refusing to give up once something was in their sights. Never had Kisha been gladder that the pigeons were on their side as she cast a spell on herself, time around her speeding up as she dashed past him and grabbing Santa just as she finished putting toppings on those hot dogs, the bunny girl squeaking as she was whisked away.

“W-wait, what’s going on?!” she asked, nearly dropping a hot dog in surprise.

Edward caught up just in time for both him and Kisha to point out that angry rabbit guy, swearing up a storm as he fought pigeons with danmaku. “THAT’S going on,” they said in unison, Santa’s eyes widening when the birds were put down, the blasts homing in on them instead.

“Ed, text Jaz! Fucker’s not gonna leave us alone now that we ruined his day!” Kisha yelled, her friend pulling up his phone and texting as fast as his fingers would allow. When a blast grazed her shoulder, she raised up a hand and fired a light blast of her own, right in his eyes. Just enough light to bring him to his knees, man swearing as he jammed his hands in his pockets, fumbling and dropping his phone as he scrambled to grab it.

Santa sniffled, eyes watering as she said, “I-I thought we were safe! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry I dragged you into this!”

Edward just shrugged, scooping up his hot dog and grinning mischievously. “Oh, don’t worry, we go through these sorta things all the time! Livens up the place, brings a little excitement to an otherwise boring day!”

“Yeah, things are about to get real exciting with a bunch of rabbit mobsters on our asses.” In spite of how grumpy Kisha sounded, excitement built up in her heart. Maybe she’d get to deck a few dozen assholes after all! “Better get that Reindeer Detector bullshit up and running because this is gonna be a wild ride!”

Santa opened her mouth to retort, but once she saw the mobster calling for backup in the distance, she closed her eyes and let the Manhattan duo take the lead, concentrating on locating that general Christmas-y aura Rein usually emitted. Hard to do that when everybody’s yelling and shouting at Kisha for pushing her way through crowds.

Now would be a great time to wish for a miracle, she thought… but miracles don’t come that easy.

A Very Merry Kishmas, Part 2

Kisha woke up refreshed, rolling out of the bed with ease and handling the usual necessities in record time. She hummed happily as she slipped on a sweater and jeans, following up by taming that horrible case of bed hair. Before she left the room, though, she bent over  to a small shrine on her nightstand. It wasn't much, just a few candles and a small golden picture frame, with a picture of her with a tall, lanky man, grinning in spite of his raggedy appearance.

She  took out a plush Mothra and set it in the shrine like an offering as she smiled gently and said, "Hey, Juan. Here's hoping you're doing okay. It's been a busy Christmas, hasn't it?" A sad chuckle escaped her lips as  she leaned on the desk and slouched. "Kinda been a shitty December here. No jobs, no money. No money, no gifts. Friends kinda deserve some, and I can't really... you know."

Her mind drifted, recalling snowy Christmases where he stood beside her, conjuring hot chocolate and sweaters when her pantry was nearly empty and her wardrobe needed an upgrade. All those times where he dragged her out to watch a parade, her eyes gleaming with delight at all the crowds and colorful parade carts driving down the street. All those times where, when he dressed up as Santa and cheered up random kids with new cuddly dolls and cars and coloring books galore.

Quietly, Kisha straightned up and added with a frown, "Hoping you can work out a miracle and... well, if nothing else, maybe pay a visit in that Santa outfit again."

The sound of dishes clanging grabbed Kisha's attention, the girl hastily clasping her hands and closing her eyes in prayer for a split second before heading out of her room. "Hey, is everything okay in there?" she asked, raising an eyebrow when she noticed rabbit girl was NOT on the couch.

Course she wasn't on the couch. She was in the little kitchen, having just grabbed a plate to eat a big slice of cheesecake. Her ears twisted with glee as she cut into a slice and ate it, squirming with glee in her seat. "Mmm, so good!" she said, going in for a second bite. "I missed eating these..."

Kisha stared blankly at the rabbit girl and coughed before she grumbled, "Aren't you going to ask before you just eat my cheesecake?"

The rabbit girl turned towards her, confused for a grand total of one second before she dropped the fork, color draining from her face. "O-oh, oh NO!" She stood up and bowed several times before Kisha, tears streaming down her face as she stammered, "I-I'm so sorry! I'm so so so SO sorry! I-I was just so hungry, I couldn't think straight!"

Well, getting roughed up by... whatever the hell certainly works up an appetite. "Eh, no big deal, just ask first. Feel free to have some." As the bun straightened up and rushed back to her seat, holding up a fork like she was going to murder it, Kisha glared at her and said, "SOME. Not ALL. I worked hard for that cheesecake, damn it!" The bun did oblige, taking a modest amount of cake and enjoying it as Kisha took a seat at the table with her. "Anyway, feeling any better?"

"Mhm, a lot better!" The rabbit girl smiled at Kisha and set her empty plate aside. "You used white magic, didn't you? You were like an angel, sent to save me from despair!"

"Nah, I'm just a priestess of sorts, but nice of ya to say that," Kisha said with a small snort, grabbing a slice of cheesecake for herself. "That, and you did kinda crash through my window. Anyway, I got a boatload of questions, especially after you woke up and shouted something about Christmas."

The santa cosplayer's ears straightned up as she stared in shock, then drooped like a full sack of potatoes. "O-oh, that. Y-yeah, that's..." The girl timidly pressed her fingers together, looking away from Kisha as she said, "W-well, Christmas is in trouble, and I, um, need help trying to save it! A-and since you're a priestess, maybe you could help?"

A skeptical look creeped onto Kisha's face, the priestess raising an eyebrow as she replied, "It'd help to know what I'm up against. Or how the hell this is happening. And most importantly, who the hell you are."

“Huh? That’s easy!” The girl stood up and put her hands on her hips, standing tall as she announced, “I’m Santa!”

Kisha stared at her like she just said she was the president. “Uh huh, sure. Really, though, who are you?”

“Santa”’s ears drooped as she repeated weakly, “B-but I AM Santa! Look, I have the outfit and everything! I deliver presents to all the good boys and girls! I go down chimneys! I even have a reindeer!”

“Okay, fair, but I don’t remember Santa having bunny ears. Or red eyes.”

“I-I’m a bunny Santa!” Santa shot back, flailing about in a panic. “But that’s not important! All that matters is that Christmas is in trouble!” She sat back down and set her head on the table as she continued, “I-I was chased down by some men in black, and they wanted me to come along! I tried to escape on my sleigh, but they shot it down… and now all my presents, my sleigh, my reindeer… they’re all lost! And without any of them, I can’t deliver anything!” Tears welled up in her eyes again, sitting up as she looked Kisha in the eyes. “Please, you have to help me! I have to get those presents back and deliver them, safe and sound!”

To any other person, this would be too weird, too strange to really do anything about. A bunny girl claiming she’s Santa, pleading for help after an attack on her, scattering presents about? That simply couldn’t be real!

Kisha was not most people. And even if she was, nobody could employ fake tears about Christmas getting ruined. “Fine, fine,” she said, finishing up her slice of cake and standing up from her seat. “I’ll help. I don’t know how I could help, but I’ll find a way. Just under one condition, though.”

Santa’s eyes burned with determination as she stood up, too, slamming her hands onto the table. “Anything you want, its yours!”

A million dollars and a happy life was Kisha’s first thought, but instead, she looked away, rubbing the back of her neck as she said, “It’s not much. Just want you to get some gifts for my friends and say it was from me or something. Something they really want. I’d get it myself, but…” She looked down at her feet, shame overcoming her as she admited, “Don’t really have the money to do so.”

The guilty thoughts plagued her yet again like Christmas Ghosts haunting her thoughts. Such a stupid request. It didn’t mean anything if somebody else did all the work. Get a job, already!

All of it, chased away for the time being as she heard Santa say, “Of course I’ll help! You’ll just have to point me in the right direction, alright?” Kisha looked up and saw that gentle smile, a smile that was so contagious, she couldn’t help but smile back. “For now, though…” Santa put her hands together, closing her eyes as she focused on… something? Kisha wasn’t exactly sure, but when she opened her eyes again, Santa looked determined. “First, we have to find my reindeer! I tried to sense him out, and he’s around this place somewhere! Not too close, but not too far, either! Once we get him back, we can use him and have him detect where the presents are!”

Oh, joy. Kisha could imagine it now: lost reindeer, wandering these Manhattan streets, pissing off New Yorkers who are just WALKIN ‘ERE and ending up at a Starbucks, taking up precious space as it chews on a random newspaper.

“I’d say it’d be easy,” Kisha says as she grabs her phone and puts on her shoes, “but the city’s a big place. And… how many guys were chasing you, again?”

“U-Uhm…” Santa raised up a hand and counted on her fingers for a bit. “I remember about…8, 10 guys? Th-there might have been more.”

As much as she enjoyed the thought of throttling an army of men by herself, Kisha looked at her phone and asked, “Well, sounds like more trouble than I can handle on my own. Mind if I call in some backup?” When Santa nodded, Kisha broke into a stupid grin, pulling up Discord on her phone and sending a single message to her server.

“WHO WANTS TO COME AND HELP ME SAVE CHRISTMAS?!?”

-----------------------------

Kisha’s excuse to make a local coffee shop a meetup spot? Being too damn lazy to make her own coffee. She spotted Santa in a seat nearby as she ordered an XL mocha and two breakfast sandwiches. Santa took her hat off and set it aside, watching people and cars go by in a blur. She sniffed as Kisha sat down with their order, cautiously grabbing a burrito and unwrapping it before nibbling on it.

“They should be here any minute,” Kisha said, taking a sip of coffee and setting it aside. “Gotta sit tight ‘til then.”

Santa’s ear twitched a little as she nodded. “I-I see.” She looked out the window again before she looked back at Kisha, a smidgen of concern on her face. “Um, wh-what kind of people are they? Are they fellow priestesses or…”

Kisha shook her head and smiled as she took another sip of coffee. “They’re the kind of people who love a thrill. Not priestesses, though I’m sure someone could hook me up. I’ve known ‘em for a good while now, and trust me, they’re reliable.”

“Um, s-sure, but…” Santa’s ears drooped, fiddling with her fingers again as she said, “Y-you sure they can handle this? I don’t know how many people are after me, and it’s a dangerous job. You can’t really just ask anyone to help.”

Kisha set her cup aside, still smiling as she basked in the shop’s warmth. “Ever heard of the Kobbers?”

Santa blinked and tilted her head to the side, crossing her arms as she replied, “I know Diadem’s one of them, since I see her a lot where I’m from. They’re kind of like a gaggle of superheroes, right? I don’t see how that’s relevant, though…”

A smile turned into a grin as Kisha sat up and continued, “Well, let’s just say that I invited a few guys who wish they could be Kobbers.”

Before Santa could ask what she meant, the shop’s doors swung open, a voice booming out, “Goooood mooorning~”

Kisha immediately swiveled around, spotting a tall guy standing in the doorway cheeky grin, glasses shining in the light, his long, wavy brown hair swaying in the breeze. He looked around and locked eyes with her, grin threatening to split his face as he rushed over and scooped her off her seat into a big hug.

“Kisha, honey buns! I missed you!” he said, ruffling her hair and squeezing the living daylights out of her, much to Santa’s horror. “It’s been too lo-”

“I just- *HURK* s-saw you last week, Ed,” Kisha said with a grunt, face turning blue. “L-Let go, I can’t breaaathe…”

He let her plop back into her seat, the priestess taking deep breaths as he chuckled. “One week feels like a month, like one month felt like a year to you,” he admitted, taking a seat at the table beside the gals and heaving a dramatic sigh. “Day after day after day, endless practice with hardly any chance to speak with you. It was just so agonizing, almost exhausting to go on, and yet here you are, kindling a fire in my hear-”

Kisha and Santa exchange glances before Kisha coughed and said, “Woah, slow down, loverboy. I missed you, too, but this is just silly.”

“Aw, I thought you’d appreciate a little soap opera action!”

“Soaps would be more like you crying and begging me to come back while I flip you off and ride off on a white horse to my girlfriend’s house. Complete with an orchastrated sad song to play you off.”

“You mean like the one that plays at the end of Return of Godzilla-”

“E-excuse me,” Santa interrupted, two dorks turning towards her in confusion. “Uhm, shouldn’t we, uh… introduce ourselves? Then maybe get to, um, saving Christmas?”

Ed blinked, glancing back at Kisha before he looked at Santa and said, “Oh, so THIS is what this about! Sorry, just haven’t seen her in a bit! Name’s Edward, actor extraordinaire! A knight among knights! A-”

“Huge dork,” Kisha adds with a smirk as she takes a big bite of her burrito. “And I’m Kisha Lorelei, an average priestess.”

“And I’m Santa,” said Santa, bowing graciously to her heroes. “Nice to meet you both!”

Santa quickly gave the rundown to Edward, the man nodding his head and leaning in close, hanging on every word. Kisha bought some coffee for her friend and followed along, though she was temporarily distracted by a gaggle of puppies walking alongside their owner on the sidewalk.

After Santa finished, Edward closed his eyes and sipped his coffee, lost in thought. “So this reindeer’s the key to finding the presents you lost. And you say he’s not close, but he’s not too far away, either.” His brows furrowed, opening his eyes as he asked, “Is there anything he likes in particular? Anything that could possibly lure him or narrow down where he might be?”

“Hmmmm…” Santa raised an eyebrow, tapping her chin as she said, “Well, he really likes apples… And kids! He likes hanging around places with lots of holiday cheer in particular. And presents! He’s always attracted to presents, even if they’re not the ones we’re supposed to deliver!”

Edward pulled out his phone and took notes, eyes glimmering with excitement. “Well, there’s plenty of places like that, but it’ll be easier to narrow it down to places with big concentrations of ‘em! The malls, Central Park, Times Square-”

“You’d think they’d report on a reindeer in any of those places,” Kisha pointed out, scrolling through news outlets for any sign of reindeer-induced incidents. Unfortunately, there was none to be found, aside from the occasional mention of Rudolph.

“A reindeer’s pretty normal, compared to a nine-foot mantis and some Space Marines,” Edward countered, Kisha glaring at him and slumping into her seat in defeat. “If all else fails, we could go buy a ton of Christmas decorations and pimp up Jazmine’s house! Make it so full of holiday cheer, that reindeer’s bound to come on over!”

Kisha shuddered at the thought of actually investing in props just to lure a reindeer. That actually costs MONEY. “Dunno about that, but sure, okay? Speaking of Jaz, though, wasn’t she supposed to be here, too?”

Edward looked down at his phone, taking a quick glance at Discord. “Last I heard, she was wrapping up an errand. Maybe she got caught up in something?”

“Or something got caught up in her.”

Ed cringed. “Ooooh, boy. Here’s hoping nobody had the nerve to bug her.” He straightened up, all smiles again as he said, “Well, we’ll let her know whats up! Maybe she’ll find this reindeer before we do! For now, let’s get to reindeer hunting, shall we?”

With all the excitement they could muster, the trio pumped their fists in the air with a mighty, “YEAH!” before they set off. Kisha smiled softly for a moment, but as she left, she saw something dark from the corner of her eye before it slipped away. She narrowed her eyes, wondering what it could have been…

…It was something, alright, but she had no time to worry about it. Not when Ed and Santa were marching ahead and already singing Christmas songs together. She rushed to catch up, turning back just for a moment before charging ahead.