The tunnel wasn't really as small as Satoshi expected. Usually narrow, full of bats and other annoying cave creatures, and hard to see in. He suspected that sort of environment would work better for Lady Jessica's ways, snaring lost men into her little trap and seducing them into joining her army.
He was so, so wrong.
First, it was huge, with vast amounts of space. That alone made him think that someone warped space to make this as huge as it appeared. Second, the path was lit by giant, pink, heart-shaped arcs leading deeper into the cave. Dozens of them. Just how much money did the Lady have to waste on such silly props? And lastly...
How in the Nine Hells did she manage to not only buy all those props, but also construct an entire amusement park within a cavern?!? There were so many rides and booths and even a gigantic... what was that?! A giant steel wheel with carriages hanging off them? Isn't that dangerous? Satoshi was baffled by all of these new things, mindlessly bumping into succubi and their cohorts, who shot him nasty glares for ruining their ever-so-romantic moments.
Bright lights dotted the cavern like stars as yamabikos advertised games like "Knock Down Bottles", rides such as the dreadful Behemoth ("Fastest coaster in Relgion! Guarunteed to make you cling, or your money back!") and the twisty, turn-y Tiamat ("Try not to puke!"), and little booths that apparently took these things called "photos" of you and your loved one making silly faces. One such yamabiko handed Satoshi a brochure with a map of the entire park, with labels for each ride and very important shops. The only thing that caught Satoshi's attention was the temple in the very back, labeled, "Lovey-Dovey Wedding Chapel~"
"Oooh, a good attraction you see!" the little dog demon commented. "Yes, that's the most popular attraction yet among couples! Just a few hours in the park together and they go and get hitched for real in the Lovey-Dovey Chapel! Just in the past few weeks, we united 430 happy couples to be together forever! Isn't that sweet?"
Satoshi glared at the map for a moment before turning to the yamabiko and replying bitterly, "And I suppose most of them are to succubi."
"Yep! I mean, succubi need love too, ya know? That's why Master Jessica made this place! Bondin' spot, learned how to make one of these from those Techno Kingdom folks and all, figured it was worth a shot!"
"Certainly not a front for making an army at all, is it?"
The yamabiko paled at Satoshi's sarcastic comment and blubbered, "Well, uh, definitely not! We just want to spread the love... Yes, yes, that's it! Spread the love from Relgion to the Overworld! A front? Ha! Must be your imagination, it is!"
If looks could kill, the yamabiko could have sworn a dagger was at his neck , about to slit his throat. He shivered where he stood, trying to avoid those cold, blue eyes glaring at him.
"You look a little lonely, honey," came a seductive voice, distracting the bounty hunter from intimidating the tiny little dog demon. A succubus hovered casually beside him, a sly smile on her face. "May I accompany you, dear?"
Not one second later, Satoshi replied, "No."
"Just for a little bit...Please~?"
She placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a cute, yet sad look.
"No."
Tail wrapping around his waist.
"How about now?"
"No."
Tug. Pulled ever closer. His look became more stern and disapproving.
"Oh, don't be such a spoilsport... A little hot loving might warm your cold heart-"
"For the last time," growled the bounty hunter, "I said-"
Before he could finish his sentence, he found the succubus flat on her face, another succubus swooping in and hip-dropping her in an instant. A particular succubus with purple hair, half-moon glasses, and a little white dress.
"Back off, he's with me!" she snapped before grabbing Satoshi's hand and holding it gently. "Isn't that right, Sato-kun~?"
Satoshi found it a little difficult to resist the adorable look Tina was giving him. Not to mention, Scarlet did say that she was undercover and she needed help, since she wasn't exactly the strongest. With a sigh, he said, "Yes, I'm with her. I was waiting for her while I was talking to this yamabiko, up until you rudely tried to snag me away."
The succubus looked flustered for a moment before muttering an "Excuse me," and flying off. Tina smirked for a moment before puffing up her cheeks and putting her hands on her hips, glaring at Satoshi.
"That was a pretty weak act, you know!" she complained. "You should have put more emotion in it! I mean, it's not like love is foreign to you, is it?"
The bounty hunter gave her a blank stare before replying, "It isn't something I have ever felt myse-"
Tina's gasp was loud enough to alert everybody within a 10 mile radius. "You never felt love?!? That's... that's insane! You poor thing! I should get Cupid on the phone because you and him need a long, long talk!"
"I haven't had a reason to love," Satoshi grumbled. "And there is no time for it, when my fellow demons are being oppressed and used by organizations like the Dark Council."
"B-but love's a wonderful thing! I mean, look!"
Tina casually went over to a kissing both, where a tiny kitten in a cardboard box waited for people to drop coins in and let it lick their face. She picked it up and held it up to Satoshi with stars in her eyes.
"I mean, look! I love this kitten! Not, love-love, but I love it! It's so cute and cuddly! You can't tell me, with a straight face, that you don't love this cute little furball from hell!"
"...It is cute, but I do not love it."
"You're lying."
"I tell no lies, Tina."
"You're telling a giant lie right now!"
What an embarassing sight it must have been to see a succubus shamelessly stuff a cat into Satoshi's face and scream, "LOVE HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!"
By the time kitty was put back in the box, the bounty hunter had scratches and fur on his face, clearly displeased. He walked around the park, Tina happily holding his hand and dancing about until they reached a pretty short line for Bumper Cars. As they waited, Satoshi grumbled, "Was that really necessary, Tina?"
"Yes," came the blunt reply. "You have a serious case of 'I-Can't-Love-itis' and the doctor said that I have to give you a healthy dose of love to cure it! I mean, you can love without it being love-love, you know? And to think you haven't loved in all your life! That's so sad!"
"Don't make a spectacle of it, Tina. I haven't had a reason to."
"I think kittens being cute is a very good reason."
"You are obsessed with cute animals, Tina."
"Well, when they're all cute and give you diabetes just looking at them, how can't I be obsessed with them?"
Satoshi opened his mouth to retort, but thought better of it when he saw how excited Tina was. Animals were her passion. Something she truly cared about. Was that what love was? Passion and caring? Did that mean he loved hunting other demons? No, that didn't sound right. Thinking about it only made him more and more confused. Thankfully, they were far enough in line that as soon as the doors opened, Tina was able to drag him into a tiny red bumper car and strap both of them in.
Of course, Satoshi was in the passenger seat.
As they waited for the other cars to fill up, Satoshi asked, "So... what exactly do we do in this weird... contraption?"
"You don't even know what a car is?!?" Tina gasped in horror, before realizing her mistake and facepalming. "Right, Limbo. Sorry. Well basically, this is a little steel thingy that goes zoom zoom, and when you press the pedal, it goes ZOOM, and when you move this wheel, you can turn it in the direction you want! And you can just do whatever here, since the rubber bumpers prevent people from getting hurt! Simple enough, right?"
Satoshi raised an eyebrow. Fascinating, how technology has advanced. Strange that they use it for amusement rather than actual transport. "I suppose so. You've done this before, have you?"
They could hear the gates close and a button pressed, the cars whirring to live. Tina winked at her friend knowingly before she put a foot on the pedal. Other cars casually zoomed by as they drove around the small track, enjoying the sights of other cars bumping into each other. It was mostly couples having a great time of things, even if the ride was pretty simple. Satoshi just slumped back in his seat and closed his eyes, content to just relax-
BAM. The demon was jostled out of his tiny nap when their car slammed into the railing. He caught a glance at those who bumped into them shamelessly: a cackling, green haired succubus and a man way too fat to fit in his seat, flipping them off. "Byyyye, looosers~" they said, bumping into other couples and doing fast laps around the course.
Tina stared, a smile fixed on her face. "Hang on tight, Sato-kun~" she said sweetly.
"Why? It's just for relaxing isn't i-"
BAM. Another shove into the railing by the same couple. Satoshi glared at them, but Tina only grinned as she put all the force she possibly could on the pedal.
"PLAYTIME'S OVER."
Satoshi couldn't help but let out a yelp as their bumper car roared across the track, zooming past other cars in a flash. Tina homed in on that one asshole couple, humming to herself as her friend hung on for dear life. Those two were still laughing. Still laughing.
Not for much longer, though, as Tina crashed into them in full force, sending them into a railing. Their scared yelps were satisfying, but they only slowed down for a moment before retaliating with their own shove. Satoshi grunted as the car was lifted up for just a moment before falling and Tina shoving right back and trying to keep the couple pinned in the corner.
That was pretty difficult, especially as both cars were bumped into by several other cars like them in a massive pile-up. The couple and another car tried sandwiching Tina and Satoshi in, only for Tina to step on the gas hard enough for them to escape and watch both cars hillariously bump into each other. The competition wasn't over yet, though, as the green-haired succubus and her cohort slammed into their tail end, jostling both succubus and bounty hunter into a spin-out and into a corner.
Satoshi, dizzy from all the spinning and bumping, asked pitifully, "May we please let this grudge go? I know they offended us, but it is not worth all this... blurgh... bumpy rides.
Tina wasn't content with this. Not at all. Especially when the opposing succubus was making offensive gestures.
So she waited. She waited until the couple passed them in a victory lap, slowing down to gloat about their victory over others.
And then, she took off like a white mage chasing a living pastry, electricity crackling overhead as the succubus let out a battle cry. One last bump before the ride shut off. And oh, what a bump it was, hard enough to send the couple careening towards a wall, both knocked out from the impact.
When the exit gate open, Tina was the first to take off her seat belt, stand on her chair, and yell, "YES! YES! I, TINA HARMONICA, AM THE BEST BUMPER EVER! FEAR ME OR I'LL BUMP YOU INTO THE PITS OF HEEEEELL!"
Needless to say, Satoshi was more than eager to get out with his succubus friend to escape the weird stares people were giving them. Once they were far away from the bumper cars, Satoshi asked in a pitiful voice, "I am very glad you achieved your vengeful goal, but may we please, if anything else, pick a gentler ride to be on?"
Tina smiled apologetically and replied, "Eheheh, sorry about that. Oooh, maybe we should actually go to the actual Tunnel of Love ride! That's the best one! Or maybe the circus...? No, fuck it, we're going on every ride! I can't miss out!"
And so, the poor, poor demon let out a pitiful whine as Tina proceeded to drag him to every single attraction in the park, apparently forgetting their given goal.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Friday, November 28, 2014
Black Friday Special: Making Up for Lost Time
The first breath was always the hardest.
Dirt forced itself down his nose and mouth as he finally awoke from his slumber. He dared not open his eyes in fear of being blinded by the ground. All he could do is claw his way up, holding his breath, digging up and up and up...
When he could feel not dirt, but air, he pulled himself up and out, coughing up all that he had accidently swallowed and breathed in. And, of course, he opened his eyes.
The purple clouds of Relgion hovered overhead, the sun peeking out from its makeshift covers. The middle of nowhere, where only mutated coyotes and birds dared to tread. No trees, just bloodstained dirt from the many wars and fights that took place over the barren soil.
No surprise that he ended up here of all places. It would have been hard to reform with what little was left after Pestus was completely anihilated. Not to mention, it was in the vastness of space. Those itty bitty pieces had minds of their own, and they always prefered to reform somewhere where none would see it. After all, ressurection was such a disgusting sight to witness, with all the flesh of old bodies breaking apart and squirming their way towards this particular spot, even if was miles and miles and miles away. Like little earthworms, they would squirm...
Well, he was thankful he had absolutely no mind during that process. It sounded absolutely painfu-
"Welcome back to the world of the living, dood!"
He snapped out of his thoughts to turn to two prinnies, each one with a colored scarf.
"You actually waited here?" he asked, puzzled.
"Well, yeah, dood," said the green-scarfed prinny. "It's almost tradition at this point! You go and die, Renais gets worried and worried the closer the ressurection date gets, we come and wait as per usual, dood!"
"Besides," added the yellow-scarfed prinny with a giggle, "we need to break some important news to you!"
One of the prinnies handed him his usual butler suit, which he eagerly put on. The last thing he needed was to be wandering around naked. Probably another reason why those bits choose more discreet places to reform.
"Which is...?"
"We have lots of leftovers from Thanksgiving, dood! Sophia and I did a lot of cooking together and we overdid it!"
Silence. A horrified look came across his face.
"...What... what is today, Bonnie?"
Bonnie flailed about happily and said in a cheery voice, "It's Black Friday, Master Gluttony! The day after Thanksgiving! The second best day of the year!"
Gluttony, or rather Xavier du LeVouse, couldn't help but let out a groan.
"I missed Thanksgiving. You're kidding me. Please tell me she's lying, Gonzales."
"Sorry, dood," Gonzales replied with a shrug. "She's ri-"
Both Prinnies witnessed their master falling onto his knees, a dark cloud hovering above his head.
"Uh, dood? It's okay. We got leftovers."
"Yeah, dood! We've got TONS of leftovers!"
"B-but they taste better fresh out the oven," Gluttony whined. "And when eaten among friends! And with extra gravy!"
"You're just making excuses now."
"They're GOOD excuses, dammit!"
Both prinnies shrugged as Gluttony pouted a little more before he stood up straight and sighed. What's done is done. The question now was "What could be done now?" There were a lot of people he needed to thank, so many people he needed to apologize to. And it was Black Friday. And he DID have a healthy amount of money in his bank…
“Guys?” he asked. “Are the malls still open?”
Bonnie was quick on the draw when it came down to getting her phone out and searching for open shopping areas. “Definitely, dood!” she replied cheerfully, yellow scarf fluttering in the wind. “There’s always the Yamabiko Shopping District, but there’s also the Obsidian Mall and probably a “Discount Warehouse” somewhere with crazy deals, dood!”
Gluttony smiled, an idea coming to mind. “Mind coming along with me to help with holiday shopping?”
The Prinnies looked at each other in shock before turning to Gluttony, starry-eyed. Gonzales asked, “Y-you mean it, dood?! We’re really going Black Friday shopping?!”
“I don’t see why we shouldn’t, to be honest. Besides, I need to treat you guys for all the years of service. You’ve been with me for, what, 500 years now? You could have been reincarnated in all that time, but…”
Bonnie shook her head. “Don’t you even worry about it, Master Dood! We’re here because we wanna be here! Right, Gonzy?”
“Indeed,” agreed the green-scarfed prinny. “We swore our loyalty to you, just as Renais has. It is the least we could do, especially since we were kind of awful people in our lives, dood.”
“And I thank you both for your service,” Gluttony said, bowing to his servants for a moment before saying, with a smile, “But enough of that! Let’s get going! The sooner we get there, the better deals we can get. And who doesn’t love a great deal~?”
And with a skip and a hop, the trio was off, heading towards civilization and the siren song of sales.
When all was said and done… perhaps a human’s wallet would be crying in pain. Even with all of these deals, he still spent a lot of money. It was worth it, though. More than worth it.
Nothing could convince Gluttony otherwise was he sat at his desk, writing letter after letter and attaching them to the many gifts he got before sending them off. Each one, individualized.
“Dear Cauren,
I don’t think we talked for very long, nor was it really pleasant. I’m sorry for starting off on the wrong foot, but I’m unfortunately… ah… Well, the best way to put it is that I am mentally ill. It’s not much of an excuse, and I am terribly sorry for any cruelties I may have inflicted. Nevermind that, though. I heard you had a couple of mice, so I have supplied necessities for them as well as toys. And to feed your curiosity of the world, I think it would be best if I supplied you with this laptop. It can play most games just fine and it has a decent amount of space! Do enjoy, and know that my libraries are open to you whenever you wish it!”
“Tenshi,
A CONTENDER, TENSHI! YOU’RE A CONTENDER! ACT LIKE ONE! BECOME AS FAST AS LIGHTING AFTER TRAINING WITH THESE HEAVY BRACERS! TRAIN YOURSELF TO BECOME MORE POWERFUL WITH THIS WITCH-SHAPED PUNCHING BAG! HAVE THE ENERGY TO TANK EVERYTHING WITH A SIX PACK OF MONSTER! WIN THAT BBB5 NEXT YEAR! DO IIIIIT.
P.S. Do not drink all the Monster cans at once. You will see way too much, before you pass out. Trust me on this.”
“Dear Dirk,
This is a bit out of the blue, but in celebration of your continued love for Josephine, go out of your way for her by brewing your own Chococohol! Or beer in general! Or perhaps even fine wines! Oh, and dinner. I got you a cookbook filled with otherworldly ideas that will knock her off her feet, as well as a starter kit for brewing your own booze. Trust me, hand-crafted stuff tastes better when you work at it! Good luck~”
“Dear Conrad,
We haven’t met at all, but you’re kind of famous on the internet now due to some sheenanigans in the Hub or something or other. As someone who is thankful for your work, please take all these anime figurines. And by that, I mean the figurines I bought of your mother and father slaying various things. I may or may not have also included a chocolate fountain.
P.S. If there is one, it isn’t big enough to swim in. Sorry. :c “
“Yaaaarr, Skurvy!
Ye sail the seven seas!
Sail through the stars!
Sail through the galaxy
And even past Mars!
But yer missin’ some things
That ain’t a crew, don’t ya think?
Because yer throat may ache and scream
“Oh, how I need a drink!”
But worry not, my friend!
I look out for thee!
Take these cases of various rums
Courtesy of ol’ Gluttony!
How I wish I can see you
See the smile on your face!
But here is where we part
Because I’m running out of spa-“
“Madams Vina and Rebecca,
There is a pretty fat bounty in Sector 264. I believe it’s some giant pig monster who has a bad habit of eating people and hogging (heh) all the resources, and he’s a rather… huge threat to that particular sector due to his sheer power. Why am I telling you this? Because I hear his fat little head will fetch a pretty penny! Oh yes, I put some pretty sweet guns and ammo in this box to help out with whatever trouble you get into. Cheers~”
“Sine,
I told Cauren this, but I am terribly sorry about anything I may have said or done to you earlier. Living for 2000 years has done a number on my mind, not helped by the fact that I do not have the pleasure of ressurecting in another life, as a different person. I am anything but sane most of the time. I’m not exactly sure what to get you, but I have attached some special movie tickets for you and the ones you love. They don’t expire and can be used anywhere, exchanged for any movie currently playing. It’ll save money! …Except you’d have to pay for food, which is overpriced. Unfortunately. (Sneak in food from outside, if you can.)
Either way, have fun with that, and sorry again!”
“Jasper,
It takes a lot to call out Greed, and I think you caught his attention. Might want to stop over here if you have a chance and maybe eat all the hoard of valuables he has. His house looks like a mess with how much stuff he has! I included the address, if you care for it. Otherwise, I’ve just put some of the shiniest, most valuable things I could find (and pay for), to make up for Greed’s lack of presence. Next year, though~”
“Teshni,
Is a meeee!
I put little knitted dolls of all your friends! Please enjoy~!”
“Dear Sarah,
Thanksgiving is over, can you believe it? Oooooveeeer! And I didn’t get a nibble of food. It wouldn’t be enough for either of us, would it? Well, just in case it wasn’t enough, I’ve packed six boxes of dozen donuts of all sorts of flavors! Call it a sampler if you want to! …I didn’t nibble on any of them, though, I swear!
Please tell Alex and the other Xavier thank you for their hard work against Pestus, and I thank you, too, for your contribution. My home and library is open to all of you whenever you wish, so you guys could see Lilah or Sophia or, well… Heaven forbid you actually see me, but I’m here, too! With dozens of Prinnies!
Happy belated Thanksgiving~!”
"Daaaaaviiiiiid,
You crazy goat avatar of greed, I heard the news! Awful stuff going on in the Hub lately, huh? I dunno if I can help out much, but I can certainly try! Also, you haven't been coming to all these "Embodiment of _____" Parties lately and that makes Greed gloat a lot. Which is completely embarassing on my part because he's just a pile of mud with a bunch of stuff in him.
Aside from my offer to probably devour any idiot you need me to, I got a couple dozen ugly christmas sweaters for you to wear, and I got a couple pair of socks made from the soft undercoat of a baphomet. It's suuuuper soft. Trust me on this. And I got you a little sampler of cheeses and meat logs and other things. Sure, I don't think it could ever beat eating crystallized thoughts or, in the more metal way as some people would call it, opening up a crab while it's still alive and eating it raw, buuut sometimes you have to have something a little more simple!
Besides, cheese is always a hit at parties!
Regardless, good luck with your coup against the oppressors!
P.S. You need to invite me to the classiest Hibachi possible when you can. Those sound like heaven~
P.P.S. I also attached a picture of me and the prinnies wearing stupid christmas sweaters. You're welcome."
All were signed in the same loving handwriting, although each had a doodle of himself related to the contents at the end.
“Sincerely,
Xavier du LeVouse
~Gluttony~”
There were a few other wrapped boxes that he did not send. These were for the residents of the manor and close friends over the years, but these could wait. Wait until Christmas…
The ever familiar feeling of hunger returned to him, much like flies to a corpse. A nagging feeling that only intensified with time. He had barely finished the last letter to send out before he found himself drooling on his hand, his mind clouded with thoughts of devouring Thanksgiving leftovers in one gulp. Those thoughts that consumed him every time, unbearable thoughts.
He fought against the tide, as he usually did. Trying to think of old memories, with old friends, of old times before Cassandra changed him for the worse. Trying to think of the future, so full of hope and possibilities, the end of his suffering and many others. Of those smiling faces, of that hope that had washed over him before his last breath a month ago, of everything good…
A losing battle, even now, as his last bit of sanity slipped away into darkness, and the hungry moan of Gluttony echoed through the manor.
Dirt forced itself down his nose and mouth as he finally awoke from his slumber. He dared not open his eyes in fear of being blinded by the ground. All he could do is claw his way up, holding his breath, digging up and up and up...
When he could feel not dirt, but air, he pulled himself up and out, coughing up all that he had accidently swallowed and breathed in. And, of course, he opened his eyes.
The purple clouds of Relgion hovered overhead, the sun peeking out from its makeshift covers. The middle of nowhere, where only mutated coyotes and birds dared to tread. No trees, just bloodstained dirt from the many wars and fights that took place over the barren soil.
No surprise that he ended up here of all places. It would have been hard to reform with what little was left after Pestus was completely anihilated. Not to mention, it was in the vastness of space. Those itty bitty pieces had minds of their own, and they always prefered to reform somewhere where none would see it. After all, ressurection was such a disgusting sight to witness, with all the flesh of old bodies breaking apart and squirming their way towards this particular spot, even if was miles and miles and miles away. Like little earthworms, they would squirm...
Well, he was thankful he had absolutely no mind during that process. It sounded absolutely painfu-
"Welcome back to the world of the living, dood!"
He snapped out of his thoughts to turn to two prinnies, each one with a colored scarf.
"You actually waited here?" he asked, puzzled.
"Well, yeah, dood," said the green-scarfed prinny. "It's almost tradition at this point! You go and die, Renais gets worried and worried the closer the ressurection date gets, we come and wait as per usual, dood!"
"Besides," added the yellow-scarfed prinny with a giggle, "we need to break some important news to you!"
One of the prinnies handed him his usual butler suit, which he eagerly put on. The last thing he needed was to be wandering around naked. Probably another reason why those bits choose more discreet places to reform.
"Which is...?"
"We have lots of leftovers from Thanksgiving, dood! Sophia and I did a lot of cooking together and we overdid it!"
Silence. A horrified look came across his face.
"...What... what is today, Bonnie?"
Bonnie flailed about happily and said in a cheery voice, "It's Black Friday, Master Gluttony! The day after Thanksgiving! The second best day of the year!"
Gluttony, or rather Xavier du LeVouse, couldn't help but let out a groan.
"I missed Thanksgiving. You're kidding me. Please tell me she's lying, Gonzales."
"Sorry, dood," Gonzales replied with a shrug. "She's ri-"
Both Prinnies witnessed their master falling onto his knees, a dark cloud hovering above his head.
"Uh, dood? It's okay. We got leftovers."
"Yeah, dood! We've got TONS of leftovers!"
"B-but they taste better fresh out the oven," Gluttony whined. "And when eaten among friends! And with extra gravy!"
"You're just making excuses now."
"They're GOOD excuses, dammit!"
Both prinnies shrugged as Gluttony pouted a little more before he stood up straight and sighed. What's done is done. The question now was "What could be done now?" There were a lot of people he needed to thank, so many people he needed to apologize to. And it was Black Friday. And he DID have a healthy amount of money in his bank…
“Guys?” he asked. “Are the malls still open?”
Bonnie was quick on the draw when it came down to getting her phone out and searching for open shopping areas. “Definitely, dood!” she replied cheerfully, yellow scarf fluttering in the wind. “There’s always the Yamabiko Shopping District, but there’s also the Obsidian Mall and probably a “Discount Warehouse” somewhere with crazy deals, dood!”
Gluttony smiled, an idea coming to mind. “Mind coming along with me to help with holiday shopping?”
The Prinnies looked at each other in shock before turning to Gluttony, starry-eyed. Gonzales asked, “Y-you mean it, dood?! We’re really going Black Friday shopping?!”
“I don’t see why we shouldn’t, to be honest. Besides, I need to treat you guys for all the years of service. You’ve been with me for, what, 500 years now? You could have been reincarnated in all that time, but…”
Bonnie shook her head. “Don’t you even worry about it, Master Dood! We’re here because we wanna be here! Right, Gonzy?”
“Indeed,” agreed the green-scarfed prinny. “We swore our loyalty to you, just as Renais has. It is the least we could do, especially since we were kind of awful people in our lives, dood.”
“And I thank you both for your service,” Gluttony said, bowing to his servants for a moment before saying, with a smile, “But enough of that! Let’s get going! The sooner we get there, the better deals we can get. And who doesn’t love a great deal~?”
And with a skip and a hop, the trio was off, heading towards civilization and the siren song of sales.
When all was said and done… perhaps a human’s wallet would be crying in pain. Even with all of these deals, he still spent a lot of money. It was worth it, though. More than worth it.
Nothing could convince Gluttony otherwise was he sat at his desk, writing letter after letter and attaching them to the many gifts he got before sending them off. Each one, individualized.
“Dear Cauren,
I don’t think we talked for very long, nor was it really pleasant. I’m sorry for starting off on the wrong foot, but I’m unfortunately… ah… Well, the best way to put it is that I am mentally ill. It’s not much of an excuse, and I am terribly sorry for any cruelties I may have inflicted. Nevermind that, though. I heard you had a couple of mice, so I have supplied necessities for them as well as toys. And to feed your curiosity of the world, I think it would be best if I supplied you with this laptop. It can play most games just fine and it has a decent amount of space! Do enjoy, and know that my libraries are open to you whenever you wish it!”
“Tenshi,
A CONTENDER, TENSHI! YOU’RE A CONTENDER! ACT LIKE ONE! BECOME AS FAST AS LIGHTING AFTER TRAINING WITH THESE HEAVY BRACERS! TRAIN YOURSELF TO BECOME MORE POWERFUL WITH THIS WITCH-SHAPED PUNCHING BAG! HAVE THE ENERGY TO TANK EVERYTHING WITH A SIX PACK OF MONSTER! WIN THAT BBB5 NEXT YEAR! DO IIIIIT.
P.S. Do not drink all the Monster cans at once. You will see way too much, before you pass out. Trust me on this.”
“Dear Dirk,
This is a bit out of the blue, but in celebration of your continued love for Josephine, go out of your way for her by brewing your own Chococohol! Or beer in general! Or perhaps even fine wines! Oh, and dinner. I got you a cookbook filled with otherworldly ideas that will knock her off her feet, as well as a starter kit for brewing your own booze. Trust me, hand-crafted stuff tastes better when you work at it! Good luck~”
“Dear Conrad,
We haven’t met at all, but you’re kind of famous on the internet now due to some sheenanigans in the Hub or something or other. As someone who is thankful for your work, please take all these anime figurines. And by that, I mean the figurines I bought of your mother and father slaying various things. I may or may not have also included a chocolate fountain.
P.S. If there is one, it isn’t big enough to swim in. Sorry. :c “
“Yaaaarr, Skurvy!
Ye sail the seven seas!
Sail through the stars!
Sail through the galaxy
And even past Mars!
But yer missin’ some things
That ain’t a crew, don’t ya think?
Because yer throat may ache and scream
“Oh, how I need a drink!”
But worry not, my friend!
I look out for thee!
Take these cases of various rums
Courtesy of ol’ Gluttony!
How I wish I can see you
See the smile on your face!
But here is where we part
Because I’m running out of spa-“
“Madams Vina and Rebecca,
There is a pretty fat bounty in Sector 264. I believe it’s some giant pig monster who has a bad habit of eating people and hogging (heh) all the resources, and he’s a rather… huge threat to that particular sector due to his sheer power. Why am I telling you this? Because I hear his fat little head will fetch a pretty penny! Oh yes, I put some pretty sweet guns and ammo in this box to help out with whatever trouble you get into. Cheers~”
“Sine,
I told Cauren this, but I am terribly sorry about anything I may have said or done to you earlier. Living for 2000 years has done a number on my mind, not helped by the fact that I do not have the pleasure of ressurecting in another life, as a different person. I am anything but sane most of the time. I’m not exactly sure what to get you, but I have attached some special movie tickets for you and the ones you love. They don’t expire and can be used anywhere, exchanged for any movie currently playing. It’ll save money! …Except you’d have to pay for food, which is overpriced. Unfortunately. (Sneak in food from outside, if you can.)
Either way, have fun with that, and sorry again!”
“Jasper,
It takes a lot to call out Greed, and I think you caught his attention. Might want to stop over here if you have a chance and maybe eat all the hoard of valuables he has. His house looks like a mess with how much stuff he has! I included the address, if you care for it. Otherwise, I’ve just put some of the shiniest, most valuable things I could find (and pay for), to make up for Greed’s lack of presence. Next year, though~”
“Teshni,
Is a meeee!
I put little knitted dolls of all your friends! Please enjoy~!”
“Dear Sarah,
Thanksgiving is over, can you believe it? Oooooveeeer! And I didn’t get a nibble of food. It wouldn’t be enough for either of us, would it? Well, just in case it wasn’t enough, I’ve packed six boxes of dozen donuts of all sorts of flavors! Call it a sampler if you want to! …I didn’t nibble on any of them, though, I swear!
Please tell Alex and the other Xavier thank you for their hard work against Pestus, and I thank you, too, for your contribution. My home and library is open to all of you whenever you wish, so you guys could see Lilah or Sophia or, well… Heaven forbid you actually see me, but I’m here, too! With dozens of Prinnies!
Happy belated Thanksgiving~!”
"Daaaaaviiiiiid,
You crazy goat avatar of greed, I heard the news! Awful stuff going on in the Hub lately, huh? I dunno if I can help out much, but I can certainly try! Also, you haven't been coming to all these "Embodiment of _____" Parties lately and that makes Greed gloat a lot. Which is completely embarassing on my part because he's just a pile of mud with a bunch of stuff in him.
Aside from my offer to probably devour any idiot you need me to, I got a couple dozen ugly christmas sweaters for you to wear, and I got a couple pair of socks made from the soft undercoat of a baphomet. It's suuuuper soft. Trust me on this. And I got you a little sampler of cheeses and meat logs and other things. Sure, I don't think it could ever beat eating crystallized thoughts or, in the more metal way as some people would call it, opening up a crab while it's still alive and eating it raw, buuut sometimes you have to have something a little more simple!
Besides, cheese is always a hit at parties!
Regardless, good luck with your coup against the oppressors!
P.S. You need to invite me to the classiest Hibachi possible when you can. Those sound like heaven~
P.P.S. I also attached a picture of me and the prinnies wearing stupid christmas sweaters. You're welcome."
All were signed in the same loving handwriting, although each had a doodle of himself related to the contents at the end.
“Sincerely,
Xavier du LeVouse
~Gluttony~”
There were a few other wrapped boxes that he did not send. These were for the residents of the manor and close friends over the years, but these could wait. Wait until Christmas…
The ever familiar feeling of hunger returned to him, much like flies to a corpse. A nagging feeling that only intensified with time. He had barely finished the last letter to send out before he found himself drooling on his hand, his mind clouded with thoughts of devouring Thanksgiving leftovers in one gulp. Those thoughts that consumed him every time, unbearable thoughts.
He fought against the tide, as he usually did. Trying to think of old memories, with old friends, of old times before Cassandra changed him for the worse. Trying to think of the future, so full of hope and possibilities, the end of his suffering and many others. Of those smiling faces, of that hope that had washed over him before his last breath a month ago, of everything good…
A losing battle, even now, as his last bit of sanity slipped away into darkness, and the hungry moan of Gluttony echoed through the manor.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
A Demon's Grand Adventure: Chapter 3 - Two-Pronged Strike
"...have to have....strategy..."
"But Scaaaarllllyyyyyy...."
"No buts."
Satoshi awoke to the smell of coffee in the morning, as well as the sounds of Scarlet and Gluttony scarfing down breakfast. He stared a little at the couch he called "bed" before forcing himself to sit up. His bandana was tied safely onto a Prinny who had volunteered to take handle it, and he plucked it off before tying it around his own head. He peeked over the couch and saw that Felix was no longer there. Or Sora for that matter. In fact, that was a lot of fur on the ground...
"It appears that our bounty has escaped," grumbled Satoshi, catching Scarlet's attention.
"Nah, Gluttony's eating him right now," she replied, pointing to the hunk of meat Gluttony was chewing on. "Told ya I was gonna feed him to Gluttony, since he wasn't worth much."
"Disgusting."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Scarlet turned to her fellow bounty hunter and asked, "Aren't you going to have breakfast with us? It's been a while since we've had a decent conversation at a dinner table."
"With the pig you're chatting with? No thank you."
Gluttony shot Satoshi a glare, although the bounty hunter wasn't disturbed by it at all. Scarlet looked disappointed before turning to her food and chowing down. Satoshi watched until he could hear his stomach growl, and with a sigh, he got up from his bed and took a seat at the table, where laid out before him were strips of bacon, waffles, scrambled eggs, and a steaming bowl of oatmeal. He grabbed a spoon and scooped up some oatmeal before, from the corner of his eye, he saw Scarlet smiling at him.
"Nice of ya to join us, Sato!" she said with a grin. "Sleep well?"
"Moderately," came the curt reply. "The Prinnies were rather loud last night."
Gluttony took another bite of his breakfast meat and shrugged. "Oh, that's what they do every night," he said with a sigh. "I can't stop them; they're just little party birds! Not very useful for night watch."
"Perhaps then you should hire more competent guards. Even an imp could slip through your manor and steal precious belongings right under your nose."
"They're not all incompetent!" the dullahan cried. "I mean, my elite guard and head maid are all prinnies!"
Scarlet raised an eyebrow. "You have an elite guard? Never thought you of all people would get personal guards."
"Well, someone has to be the first line of defense before I waste precious time dealing with threats!"
"But... they're Prinnies. You sure ya not bein' stingy or something?"
Gluttony glared for a moment before sighing, "Oh, you got me. I just have an obsession with exploding penguins! Can you blame me? I mean, look at them!" He grabbed one casually and held it up for all to see, this particular prinny wearing a yellow scarf. "Aren't they so cuuuute~?"
"As cute as you are delusional," grumbled Satoshi, focusing more on eating his oatmeal than looking at the prinny trying to look as adorable as possible.
Scarlet crossed her arms and said, "Hey, Sato! That's admitting that they're cute! Or are ya tryin' to say Gluttony isn't delusional?"
"Touche."
"I'm right here, you know," Gluttony said flatly as he set his prinny guard down.
"Either way... That's not our concern right now, is it? Our concern is more focused on the Dark Council and those keys we must get to break into their headquarters. I suggest we all split up. One of us taking a boss alone-"
Scarlet slammed her fist on the table and yelled, "Oh, not this bullshit! Look, Satoshi, you said these council guys are strong, right? So wouldn't it make sense for us to stick together instead of getting our asses kicked individually?"
"I prefer to be unhindered," Satoshi replied coldly. "I am nowhere near strong enough to protect the weaker members of our party. It would only be a burden to me to worry about anyone else's safety."
"Oh, so I'm a burden now, huh?! I'll show you a burden!"
Scarlet stood up, preparing to throw a punch at her friend, only interupted by a certain dullahan loudly clearing his throat.
"Isn't it a bit early to be throwing punches at each other?" he asked. "I mean, honestly, I don't care much, but I rather not leave a mess for Renais to clean up. Especially not blood; those are hell to scrub out of the carpets, you see!"
Scarlet turned and glared at Gluttony, who only grabbed his cup of coffee and sipped. He then added, "Well, either way, dear Scarly has a point, Satoshi. Or have you forgotten that you worked together all those years ago?"
Satoshi avoided eye contact, looking towards a group of prinnies playing Ping-Pong, and replied, "I haven't forgotten."
"Oooh, you haven't?" A sly smile formed on the dullahan's face. "Then you should know this: 'United, we stand; Divided, we fall.' A common saying up on the Overworld, if I do say so myself. Then again, everybody was united to try to kill me and my siblings~!"
The demon was silent for a moment, a sorrowful look on his face before it hardened into an unreadable expression. "Fine. I'll play by your rules. I suppose you two have decided where we should strike first?"
Scarlet took her seat and said, "Well, the three biggest threats are Lady Jessica, Kisandra, and Lord Hamhan. Jessica, I know from back in the day. Bit more than a bitch, treating her vassals worse than slaves and pretty much stripping them of free will with her hypnotism. You don't know how many times I wanted to slam that smug face right into a table and rip her horns right off."
"I suppose it only works on men only?"
"Yeah, only men. Not that she'd know a good looking woman when she sees one. She made some sort of lovey-dovey theme park for lonely men, no matter what the species. You know, for hook-ups and all."
"And it's a front for her hypnotism and building an army, I suppose?"
"That's the gist of it, Sato. These are all single men we're talking about, who lost all hope of getting a girl the normal way and think of this theme park as an easy way to get some. Desperate men."
Satoshi crossed his arms, deep in thought. "Weak willed demons and humans... those more easily susceptable to hypnotism."
Scarlet smirked. "You catch on fast, don't ya? Either way, the park's supposed to be banned for girls, but Tina went ahead and disguised herself as an employee to sneak right in. Said she wanted to give Jessica a piece of her mind... and a bullet in the head."
"And you sent her alone?"
"With the expectation you'd be going there? Yep! You're her escort, Sato, and you better treat her right, or... well, I'll be pissed, to say the least."
A blank look spread on Satoshi's face as he said, "Oh. Nice to see that you consulted me about this."
"You're welcome!"
The bounty hunter sighed and asked, "Well, and the other two threats?"
Gluttony smiled and piped up, "Oh, them? Kisandra's the one who's making the army more competent in fighting! Has a whoooole gym to herself, I found out! They have just about every sort of thing imaginable: Dumbells, barbells, trampolines, treadmills, cycle machines, yoga mats, exercise balls, an olympic-sized swimming pool, punching bags, boxing rings, and Jazzercise!"
Satoshi looked rather puzzled. "Jazzercise?"
"Oh, I think it's where they play some sort of smooth jazz and you like, lift weights to the rhythm or something, I don't know!" Gluttony turned to Scarlet and asked, "Do you know, my dear Scarly~?"
"You're on the right track," she said. "It's kind of like learning to dance to jazz music, but it's a combination of resistance training, Pilates, kickboxing, and yoga movements to music and stuff. Sora tried it once, but she came back looking as if she stared into the depths of the Nine Hells for too long."
"I don't think I can blame her, poor thing!"
"That's because you hate going to the gym, you giant piece of lard."
Gluttony, clearly offended, crossed his arms and said, "How rude! You could have described me better than that! I mean, honestly! I'm a giant piece of ham, if I do say so my-"
One thunk to the head later, the dullahan grumbled, "Well, anyway, Kisandra wants a challenge to help kill the time as the army's being trained, so her holding one of the keys is to her benefit, at least. Then there's Lord Hamhan, who is actually 'borrowing' Greed's pad. And by borrowing, I mean he's outright using it to gather as much money as possible to purchase weapons and trained mercenaries from other Netherworlds."
"And Greed isn't doing anything about this, because...?" Satoshi asked.
"Because he's as dumb as a bag of golden bricks," Gluttony said bluntly, taking another sip of coffee. "He works solely on instinct. The instinct of getting material objects. I have no idea where he is now, before you ask; I'm not his babysitter. For all I know, he could be on Mount Aronia, searching for golden fleece."
The bounty hunter contemplated on this for a moment. Scarlet expected him to go to the Tunnel of Love with Tina. He never actually worked together with Tina before, but he did know from what Scarlet told him that she was good with guns and White Magic. Odd for a demon, but he supposed that Scarlet's usual team is all about defying expectations. She was probably the weakest, too, although why Scarlet didn't want to go with her, he wasn't sure. For the time being, he was determined to play along with it.
What about Scarlet and Gluttony? Scarlet had massive power at her fingertips, training for years upon years to become the strongest succubus known to man and demon. Gluttony... well, unfortunately for the Dark Council, they got him involved, and he was capable of destroying kingdoms back in the day. Satoshi didn't like him at all, with his callous attitude and selfish ways, but he was a powerful ally. One who at least knew how to restrain himself, to an extent. If he truly wanted to, he would have devoured the entire council long ago. He does nothing if nothing is in it for him, however.
Great power... a gym leader awaiting a challenge...
After several minutes of deep thought, Satoshi said, "It would be effective to send both of you to the gymnasium, in that case. Both of you have the raw power Tina and I lack, something we need against Kisandra. The Kit-Kat race do not pull punches, and it would take too long for me to set up traps to bring her down to my level." Another moment, and he added with a tiny smirk, "And perhaps the giant ball of lard, as you called him, needs more excercise in his life than he cares to admit."
Scarlet stood up and cracked her knuckles, a grin spreading on her face. "Ha! Damn right he does! I haven't been to the gym in ages, anyway; might as well test my power against a real threat!"
Satoshi could barely hear Gluttony muttering, "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
"I suppose you are bringing your prinnies with you, Gluttony?" the bounty hunter asked.
The dullahan replied with a grumble, "Of course! Why wouldn't I? They are my Elite Guard!" He then stood up and called out, "Gonzales! Bonnie! We're leaaaaving!"
In an instant, the yellow-scarfed prinny was at Gluttony's side, while a green-scarfed prinny slid down the stair railing and flopped like a fat seal over to his master. Both saluted and said, "Elite Guard reporting for duty, sir!"
Gluttony turned to Satoshi with a bored look and asked, "Well? Are we striking now? Or are we going to have to wait until you handle your business with Tina, hmmm?"
"Now rather than later. Better to take them off guard with a two-pronged strike before we move on to the next set of threats. I suppose they won't really expect me to strike, having been gone for so long."
"That just makes it easier to kick their ass," Scarlet said with a smirk. "But enough talk! Let's get rolling!"
The three demons and the two prinnies left the manor in a hurry, although before they split up, Scarlet turned towards her friend.
"Satoshi?"
The bounty hunter turned towards the buffcubus. "Yes?"
She stared for a moment, trying to find the right words to say, before shaking her head. "Nothing. Good luck out there."
And before Satoshi could wish her luck as well, the buffcubus and the dullahan took to the skies, the prinnies flapping their tiny little wings as fast as they could to try to keep up with the duo.
"But Scaaaarllllyyyyyy...."
"No buts."
Satoshi awoke to the smell of coffee in the morning, as well as the sounds of Scarlet and Gluttony scarfing down breakfast. He stared a little at the couch he called "bed" before forcing himself to sit up. His bandana was tied safely onto a Prinny who had volunteered to take handle it, and he plucked it off before tying it around his own head. He peeked over the couch and saw that Felix was no longer there. Or Sora for that matter. In fact, that was a lot of fur on the ground...
"It appears that our bounty has escaped," grumbled Satoshi, catching Scarlet's attention.
"Nah, Gluttony's eating him right now," she replied, pointing to the hunk of meat Gluttony was chewing on. "Told ya I was gonna feed him to Gluttony, since he wasn't worth much."
"Disgusting."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Scarlet turned to her fellow bounty hunter and asked, "Aren't you going to have breakfast with us? It's been a while since we've had a decent conversation at a dinner table."
"With the pig you're chatting with? No thank you."
Gluttony shot Satoshi a glare, although the bounty hunter wasn't disturbed by it at all. Scarlet looked disappointed before turning to her food and chowing down. Satoshi watched until he could hear his stomach growl, and with a sigh, he got up from his bed and took a seat at the table, where laid out before him were strips of bacon, waffles, scrambled eggs, and a steaming bowl of oatmeal. He grabbed a spoon and scooped up some oatmeal before, from the corner of his eye, he saw Scarlet smiling at him.
"Nice of ya to join us, Sato!" she said with a grin. "Sleep well?"
"Moderately," came the curt reply. "The Prinnies were rather loud last night."
Gluttony took another bite of his breakfast meat and shrugged. "Oh, that's what they do every night," he said with a sigh. "I can't stop them; they're just little party birds! Not very useful for night watch."
"Perhaps then you should hire more competent guards. Even an imp could slip through your manor and steal precious belongings right under your nose."
"They're not all incompetent!" the dullahan cried. "I mean, my elite guard and head maid are all prinnies!"
Scarlet raised an eyebrow. "You have an elite guard? Never thought you of all people would get personal guards."
"Well, someone has to be the first line of defense before I waste precious time dealing with threats!"
"But... they're Prinnies. You sure ya not bein' stingy or something?"
Gluttony glared for a moment before sighing, "Oh, you got me. I just have an obsession with exploding penguins! Can you blame me? I mean, look at them!" He grabbed one casually and held it up for all to see, this particular prinny wearing a yellow scarf. "Aren't they so cuuuute~?"
"As cute as you are delusional," grumbled Satoshi, focusing more on eating his oatmeal than looking at the prinny trying to look as adorable as possible.
Scarlet crossed her arms and said, "Hey, Sato! That's admitting that they're cute! Or are ya tryin' to say Gluttony isn't delusional?"
"Touche."
"I'm right here, you know," Gluttony said flatly as he set his prinny guard down.
"Either way... That's not our concern right now, is it? Our concern is more focused on the Dark Council and those keys we must get to break into their headquarters. I suggest we all split up. One of us taking a boss alone-"
Scarlet slammed her fist on the table and yelled, "Oh, not this bullshit! Look, Satoshi, you said these council guys are strong, right? So wouldn't it make sense for us to stick together instead of getting our asses kicked individually?"
"I prefer to be unhindered," Satoshi replied coldly. "I am nowhere near strong enough to protect the weaker members of our party. It would only be a burden to me to worry about anyone else's safety."
"Oh, so I'm a burden now, huh?! I'll show you a burden!"
Scarlet stood up, preparing to throw a punch at her friend, only interupted by a certain dullahan loudly clearing his throat.
"Isn't it a bit early to be throwing punches at each other?" he asked. "I mean, honestly, I don't care much, but I rather not leave a mess for Renais to clean up. Especially not blood; those are hell to scrub out of the carpets, you see!"
Scarlet turned and glared at Gluttony, who only grabbed his cup of coffee and sipped. He then added, "Well, either way, dear Scarly has a point, Satoshi. Or have you forgotten that you worked together all those years ago?"
Satoshi avoided eye contact, looking towards a group of prinnies playing Ping-Pong, and replied, "I haven't forgotten."
"Oooh, you haven't?" A sly smile formed on the dullahan's face. "Then you should know this: 'United, we stand; Divided, we fall.' A common saying up on the Overworld, if I do say so myself. Then again, everybody was united to try to kill me and my siblings~!"
The demon was silent for a moment, a sorrowful look on his face before it hardened into an unreadable expression. "Fine. I'll play by your rules. I suppose you two have decided where we should strike first?"
Scarlet took her seat and said, "Well, the three biggest threats are Lady Jessica, Kisandra, and Lord Hamhan. Jessica, I know from back in the day. Bit more than a bitch, treating her vassals worse than slaves and pretty much stripping them of free will with her hypnotism. You don't know how many times I wanted to slam that smug face right into a table and rip her horns right off."
"I suppose it only works on men only?"
"Yeah, only men. Not that she'd know a good looking woman when she sees one. She made some sort of lovey-dovey theme park for lonely men, no matter what the species. You know, for hook-ups and all."
"And it's a front for her hypnotism and building an army, I suppose?"
"That's the gist of it, Sato. These are all single men we're talking about, who lost all hope of getting a girl the normal way and think of this theme park as an easy way to get some. Desperate men."
Satoshi crossed his arms, deep in thought. "Weak willed demons and humans... those more easily susceptable to hypnotism."
Scarlet smirked. "You catch on fast, don't ya? Either way, the park's supposed to be banned for girls, but Tina went ahead and disguised herself as an employee to sneak right in. Said she wanted to give Jessica a piece of her mind... and a bullet in the head."
"And you sent her alone?"
"With the expectation you'd be going there? Yep! You're her escort, Sato, and you better treat her right, or... well, I'll be pissed, to say the least."
A blank look spread on Satoshi's face as he said, "Oh. Nice to see that you consulted me about this."
"You're welcome!"
The bounty hunter sighed and asked, "Well, and the other two threats?"
Gluttony smiled and piped up, "Oh, them? Kisandra's the one who's making the army more competent in fighting! Has a whoooole gym to herself, I found out! They have just about every sort of thing imaginable: Dumbells, barbells, trampolines, treadmills, cycle machines, yoga mats, exercise balls, an olympic-sized swimming pool, punching bags, boxing rings, and Jazzercise!"
Satoshi looked rather puzzled. "Jazzercise?"
"Oh, I think it's where they play some sort of smooth jazz and you like, lift weights to the rhythm or something, I don't know!" Gluttony turned to Scarlet and asked, "Do you know, my dear Scarly~?"
"You're on the right track," she said. "It's kind of like learning to dance to jazz music, but it's a combination of resistance training, Pilates, kickboxing, and yoga movements to music and stuff. Sora tried it once, but she came back looking as if she stared into the depths of the Nine Hells for too long."
"I don't think I can blame her, poor thing!"
"That's because you hate going to the gym, you giant piece of lard."
Gluttony, clearly offended, crossed his arms and said, "How rude! You could have described me better than that! I mean, honestly! I'm a giant piece of ham, if I do say so my-"
One thunk to the head later, the dullahan grumbled, "Well, anyway, Kisandra wants a challenge to help kill the time as the army's being trained, so her holding one of the keys is to her benefit, at least. Then there's Lord Hamhan, who is actually 'borrowing' Greed's pad. And by borrowing, I mean he's outright using it to gather as much money as possible to purchase weapons and trained mercenaries from other Netherworlds."
"And Greed isn't doing anything about this, because...?" Satoshi asked.
"Because he's as dumb as a bag of golden bricks," Gluttony said bluntly, taking another sip of coffee. "He works solely on instinct. The instinct of getting material objects. I have no idea where he is now, before you ask; I'm not his babysitter. For all I know, he could be on Mount Aronia, searching for golden fleece."
The bounty hunter contemplated on this for a moment. Scarlet expected him to go to the Tunnel of Love with Tina. He never actually worked together with Tina before, but he did know from what Scarlet told him that she was good with guns and White Magic. Odd for a demon, but he supposed that Scarlet's usual team is all about defying expectations. She was probably the weakest, too, although why Scarlet didn't want to go with her, he wasn't sure. For the time being, he was determined to play along with it.
What about Scarlet and Gluttony? Scarlet had massive power at her fingertips, training for years upon years to become the strongest succubus known to man and demon. Gluttony... well, unfortunately for the Dark Council, they got him involved, and he was capable of destroying kingdoms back in the day. Satoshi didn't like him at all, with his callous attitude and selfish ways, but he was a powerful ally. One who at least knew how to restrain himself, to an extent. If he truly wanted to, he would have devoured the entire council long ago. He does nothing if nothing is in it for him, however.
Great power... a gym leader awaiting a challenge...
After several minutes of deep thought, Satoshi said, "It would be effective to send both of you to the gymnasium, in that case. Both of you have the raw power Tina and I lack, something we need against Kisandra. The Kit-Kat race do not pull punches, and it would take too long for me to set up traps to bring her down to my level." Another moment, and he added with a tiny smirk, "And perhaps the giant ball of lard, as you called him, needs more excercise in his life than he cares to admit."
Scarlet stood up and cracked her knuckles, a grin spreading on her face. "Ha! Damn right he does! I haven't been to the gym in ages, anyway; might as well test my power against a real threat!"
Satoshi could barely hear Gluttony muttering, "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
"I suppose you are bringing your prinnies with you, Gluttony?" the bounty hunter asked.
The dullahan replied with a grumble, "Of course! Why wouldn't I? They are my Elite Guard!" He then stood up and called out, "Gonzales! Bonnie! We're leaaaaving!"
In an instant, the yellow-scarfed prinny was at Gluttony's side, while a green-scarfed prinny slid down the stair railing and flopped like a fat seal over to his master. Both saluted and said, "Elite Guard reporting for duty, sir!"
Gluttony turned to Satoshi with a bored look and asked, "Well? Are we striking now? Or are we going to have to wait until you handle your business with Tina, hmmm?"
"Now rather than later. Better to take them off guard with a two-pronged strike before we move on to the next set of threats. I suppose they won't really expect me to strike, having been gone for so long."
"That just makes it easier to kick their ass," Scarlet said with a smirk. "But enough talk! Let's get rolling!"
The three demons and the two prinnies left the manor in a hurry, although before they split up, Scarlet turned towards her friend.
"Satoshi?"
The bounty hunter turned towards the buffcubus. "Yes?"
She stared for a moment, trying to find the right words to say, before shaking her head. "Nothing. Good luck out there."
And before Satoshi could wish her luck as well, the buffcubus and the dullahan took to the skies, the prinnies flapping their tiny little wings as fast as they could to try to keep up with the duo.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
A Demon's Grand Aventure: Stages Selected!
Yep, voting is closed for this set! And it seems like there was an overwhelming majority trying to gun for Lady Jessica first. That and for brave and bold Tina to go murderlize the hell out of her.
So to the Tunnel of Love, Tina and Satoshi shall go, enjoying the night lights, carnie food, and all of those lovely ladies trying to catch their eyes... Although it is much harder for succubi to impress fellow succubi!
Scarlet and Gluttony, in the meantime, will be having one helluva workout at Ol' Hans' Gymnasium, full of challenges and more Zumba than anyone could ever dance to. Gluttony's not too happy about it, but you want to set yourself back by eating everything afterwards, right? Scarlet might get mad; she might want a treadmill for herself!
And whenever the third stage is written, it shall be a trip to the Golden Manor, where a certain ham-handed noble awaits and is probably stealing all of Greed's money and belongings as we speak! Satoshi is more than a little unhappy to be stuck with Gluttony, though... a demon who is more than eager to order Gonzales and Bonnie to raid the place and bring back as much moolah as they possibly can! I wonder if they'll hide them in their suits?
There will be interludes between each stage, or between every two stages. While they're the real meat of the story, the interludes will be more focused on smaller sidequests and character development. Who knows? Maybe your choices will change these interludes ever so slightly...
I should be able to put the first two parts up this weekend, if not sooner. When the next Stage Select occurs, I will probably do another Tina and the Golden Pocket Watch segment to kill time.
Stay tuned~!
So to the Tunnel of Love, Tina and Satoshi shall go, enjoying the night lights, carnie food, and all of those lovely ladies trying to catch their eyes... Although it is much harder for succubi to impress fellow succubi!
Scarlet and Gluttony, in the meantime, will be having one helluva workout at Ol' Hans' Gymnasium, full of challenges and more Zumba than anyone could ever dance to. Gluttony's not too happy about it, but you want to set yourself back by eating everything afterwards, right? Scarlet might get mad; she might want a treadmill for herself!
And whenever the third stage is written, it shall be a trip to the Golden Manor, where a certain ham-handed noble awaits and is probably stealing all of Greed's money and belongings as we speak! Satoshi is more than a little unhappy to be stuck with Gluttony, though... a demon who is more than eager to order Gonzales and Bonnie to raid the place and bring back as much moolah as they possibly can! I wonder if they'll hide them in their suits?
There will be interludes between each stage, or between every two stages. While they're the real meat of the story, the interludes will be more focused on smaller sidequests and character development. Who knows? Maybe your choices will change these interludes ever so slightly...
I should be able to put the first two parts up this weekend, if not sooner. When the next Stage Select occurs, I will probably do another Tina and the Golden Pocket Watch segment to kill time.
Stay tuned~!
Monday, November 17, 2014
365 Days of Sin: Tina and the Golden Pocket Watch, Part 1
-ORION, MELODIA KINGDOM, MANY YEARS AGO-
"Burn the demon!"
"Burn her until there's nothing left!"
"Let her burn in the fires of hell for all eternity!"
It was only a matter of time. The Overworld did not usually appreciate the demons of the netherworld living on the surface amongst humans. They were the very essence of evil, of sin. Succubi in particular were symbols of lust, tempting the chaste into debauchery and evil. They blended in with humankind, capable of hiding their devious horns, their bat wings, and heart-tipped tails in order to find their victims without arousing suspicion.
But she never expected it to come so soon. Ten years after she was born, after her mother settled down with a human man, promising to never return to Relgion and live in peace, in harmony with those of Melodia. Her mom always loved listening to the melodies the bards made, always sitting by her window and humming along. Dad would always join her in humming along before they started humming their own tune, their own duet to the beat of their own hearts.
And now, the harmonies became dissonant, as her mother was nailed to a cross in the middle of Harmonica City, the air heavy with smoke, the smell of flames assaulting all. Her father had opposed the crowds, only for him to be nailed down to a cross of his own. She could remember all those glares, all the screaming and yelling, the sad look on her parents' faces as the city turned against them, all because of a love never meant to be.
The last thing she ever saw of her parents was when they were set aflame, accepting their fate and saying nary a peep, not even screaming for the entertainment of the more sadistic priests.
She didn't say anything either. She only took what she could back at home and ran, ran far away from her kingdom of birth, away from the fires, the priests with hearts full of hatred, everything. She ran and ran and ran until she was in the relative safety of the netherworld, and then, and only then, did she allow herself to pull out an item her dad and mom always treasured.
A golden pocket watch.
And after that, she allowed herself to mourn, to cry herself to sleep under the dark, starry skies of the demon world.
-------------------------------
--RELGION, 100 YEARS BEFORE GLUTTONY'S RETURN TO THE OVERWORLD, REGGI'S RAVING RAMEN, SUSHI, AND HIBACHI--
Today, Tina was enjoying sushi all by herself up at the countertop, listening to all the latest gossip and rumors from all of the demons talking amongst themselves at the hibachi tables. Scarlet and Sora were out on the Overworld today, hunting rogue demons that happened to threaten the Techno Kingdom for whatever reason. She didn't really mind being alone; it meant that she could eat as many of the leftover snacks in the apartment as she wanted, play her video games without being disturbed, and hold interesting conversations about the state of Relgion politics with her multitude of stuffed animals.
Surprisingly, they gave pretty good points.
She could hear the jingle of someone coming in and turned back to see two prinnies walk in, each of them wearing hero scarves of different colors; one was green, the other was yellow. The two walked up with their little peg legs and took a seat at the counter, waiting for the tiger to recognize them.
Tina immediately recognized them and asked, "You guys are Gonzales and Bonnie, right? The ones who helped out with the whole Dark Council incident, right?! It's been too long!"
"Yeah, it's been too long since we've seen you, dood!" said Gonzales, adjusting his green scarf and giving a salute.
Bonnie flailed her little flippers about and added, "Yes, way, way, way too long! With a capital W! We haven't heard from you in like, fooooreeeeever!"
Tina flashed an apologetic smile. "Yeah, Scarlet and I were busy with other things for a while, like cleaning up the rest of those Dark Council freaks. Satoshi, too. I think he crunched on them pretty easily. Like, a big ol' CRUNCH noise when he bit into them. Music to my ears!"
"Aw, man!" Gonzales crossed his arms and sighed. "I wish I was there to see that. The blood spray must have been great to see, dood!"
"Don't mind him, dood! I mean, he gets REAAAALLY excited over, like, massacres and stuff." Bonnie tugged on Gonzales's scarf in an attempt to calm him down, or at least get him to stop talking.
"Well, I guess it was alright. I think we missed a few stragglers, but I think we beat enough senseless so that they won't be rebuilding anytime soon." Tina smiled as the two prinnies ordered bowls of ramen and asked them, "So, what brings you out here today, you guys?"
Gonzales slurped down his bowl of soup in a jiffy, replying with a mouth full of noodles, "Just boring chores and all, dood. Getting groceries and getting take-out here. Nothing exciting like beating up people..."
Bonnie nudged her fellow prinny slightly and added, "Master Gluttony is feeling pretty lazy today, that silly billy dood! That, and he heard that thieves are on the prowl, and that Prinnies are the least likely to get robbed!"
"Nevermind us, dood. Like, I'd slit their throats in an instant!"
"Dood, you're as lazy as everybody else, you're not gonna slit anyone's throat!"
"You forget what I was in my past life, dood! I was like, a murderin' machine, dood!"
"Ooooh, so scary!" the yellow scarved prinny said with mock terror. "Like, no wonder you ran away from that giant zombie, dood! Like, he had like, NO blood to spill, so it was all boring. Oh yeah, you screamed like you were gonna pee your pants! You were going to P-E-E, and that is really funny to me~"
"Well, at least I wasn't a cheerleader who stole money from her boyfriends to fuel her anime addiction!"
"Well at least I don't run away from battle when things get tough!"
Tina stared at the two prinnies as they butt heads, glaring at each other and almost reaching for weapons in their pouches. She bopped both gently on the head before looking rather cross with both of them.
"Now you stop that, you two!" she said. "You two are great in your own ways and you shouldn't rag on each other! Besides, Reggi will take your scarves off and hurl you to the moon if you start fighting here!"
The two prinnies turned to Tina before turning away from each other with a "HMPF!" Tina laughed a little, nervous that the two would start fighting again, and pulled something out of her dress pocket: a golden pocket watch. She opened it and looked at the time, as well as a tiny portrait of her mom and dad together hastily taped onto the other side. She stared sadly at the portrait for a time before shutting it and putting it away, which caught Bonnie's attention.
"I didn't know you had one of those, dood!" she said with awe. "Like, old fashioned pocket watches are like, SOOOO hard to come by here, dood! Nevermind gold ones like that! So preeetty!"
Tina smiled and replied, "Yeah. It's my good luck charm! I keep it with me always. It's a momento of my mom and dad, who died a long time ago. It still works, too!"
"Ooooh, you never told us about your family, dood! What were they like? Were they nice or something? I like nice people a whole lot!"
"Don't we all?" The succubus thought for a moment before replying, "Well, my mom was a really good singer. She used to sing lullabies to me when I had trouble sleeping, hum to herself when she felt really happy, and just pretty much sang spontaneously, whenever she felt like it. My dad was sort of the same way, always singing with her! He was probably the better cook, though; mom had a bad habit of putting too much salt in everything. He was also really good at drawing, making big paintings of forests and Princess Melodia that almost looked real!"
It wasn't until halfway through that Tina realized that her eyes were getting watery. Bonnie looked up with worry and asked, "Are you feeling okay, Miss Tina?"
"I... I just miss them a lot, that's all," Tina said. "It's been forever since I've seen them, and now I can't even see them anymore, you know?"
The prinny nodded sagely as her companion got a box of sushi to-go, and put it away in a bag. "I know, dood! I wish you could see them again. I wish I could, too! They sound all neat-o and stuff, dood!"
"Ha, same! They were pretty great parents."
Tina took out her pocket watch again, this time to check the time. Nearly 4 'o clock. Scarlet and Sora would be returning soon! She stood up and turned to her prinny friends and said, "Well, it was nice seeing you guys here, but I gotta go! Maybe we can meet up at your house later?"
Bonnie turned back and replied happily, "Sure, I'm sure Master Gluttony wouldn't mind, dood! Like, he acts all scary and stuff, but I think he's just L-O-N-E-L-Y~"
Gonzales stood up , holding the bag in his flipper and asked, "Mind if we come along with ya for a little bit, dood? Nico Nico's in the direction of your house, anyway."
"Sure, why not? I might be able to find something Sora will like there while I'm at it!"
The trio left the sushi bar, Tina beginning to hum to herself until someone bumped into her, nearly pushing her onto the ground. "Sorry about that!" he said before bowing down. Tina noticed the thief had dirty blonde hair hidden under a red and white bandana, along with dirty overalls and a few teeth missing from his mouth. "Didn't mean ta bump inta ya like that, missy!"
"O-oh, it's fine," Tina replied, but he had just zipped away, back into the crowds of the shopping district. "That was weird, he didn't even wait..."
Bonnie poked her succubus friend hard, eyes wide with shock. "Dood!" she cried. "Check your pockets, dood! Check them, fast!"
"What do you mean, 'check the-'"
She reached into her dress pocket, only for her skin to become as white as the dress she wore.
The pocket watch... her momento...
It was gone.
"Burn the demon!"
"Burn her until there's nothing left!"
"Let her burn in the fires of hell for all eternity!"
It was only a matter of time. The Overworld did not usually appreciate the demons of the netherworld living on the surface amongst humans. They were the very essence of evil, of sin. Succubi in particular were symbols of lust, tempting the chaste into debauchery and evil. They blended in with humankind, capable of hiding their devious horns, their bat wings, and heart-tipped tails in order to find their victims without arousing suspicion.
But she never expected it to come so soon. Ten years after she was born, after her mother settled down with a human man, promising to never return to Relgion and live in peace, in harmony with those of Melodia. Her mom always loved listening to the melodies the bards made, always sitting by her window and humming along. Dad would always join her in humming along before they started humming their own tune, their own duet to the beat of their own hearts.
And now, the harmonies became dissonant, as her mother was nailed to a cross in the middle of Harmonica City, the air heavy with smoke, the smell of flames assaulting all. Her father had opposed the crowds, only for him to be nailed down to a cross of his own. She could remember all those glares, all the screaming and yelling, the sad look on her parents' faces as the city turned against them, all because of a love never meant to be.
The last thing she ever saw of her parents was when they were set aflame, accepting their fate and saying nary a peep, not even screaming for the entertainment of the more sadistic priests.
She didn't say anything either. She only took what she could back at home and ran, ran far away from her kingdom of birth, away from the fires, the priests with hearts full of hatred, everything. She ran and ran and ran until she was in the relative safety of the netherworld, and then, and only then, did she allow herself to pull out an item her dad and mom always treasured.
A golden pocket watch.
And after that, she allowed herself to mourn, to cry herself to sleep under the dark, starry skies of the demon world.
-------------------------------
--RELGION, 100 YEARS BEFORE GLUTTONY'S RETURN TO THE OVERWORLD, REGGI'S RAVING RAMEN, SUSHI, AND HIBACHI--
Today, Tina was enjoying sushi all by herself up at the countertop, listening to all the latest gossip and rumors from all of the demons talking amongst themselves at the hibachi tables. Scarlet and Sora were out on the Overworld today, hunting rogue demons that happened to threaten the Techno Kingdom for whatever reason. She didn't really mind being alone; it meant that she could eat as many of the leftover snacks in the apartment as she wanted, play her video games without being disturbed, and hold interesting conversations about the state of Relgion politics with her multitude of stuffed animals.
Surprisingly, they gave pretty good points.
She could hear the jingle of someone coming in and turned back to see two prinnies walk in, each of them wearing hero scarves of different colors; one was green, the other was yellow. The two walked up with their little peg legs and took a seat at the counter, waiting for the tiger to recognize them.
Tina immediately recognized them and asked, "You guys are Gonzales and Bonnie, right? The ones who helped out with the whole Dark Council incident, right?! It's been too long!"
"Yeah, it's been too long since we've seen you, dood!" said Gonzales, adjusting his green scarf and giving a salute.
Bonnie flailed her little flippers about and added, "Yes, way, way, way too long! With a capital W! We haven't heard from you in like, fooooreeeeever!"
Tina flashed an apologetic smile. "Yeah, Scarlet and I were busy with other things for a while, like cleaning up the rest of those Dark Council freaks. Satoshi, too. I think he crunched on them pretty easily. Like, a big ol' CRUNCH noise when he bit into them. Music to my ears!"
"Aw, man!" Gonzales crossed his arms and sighed. "I wish I was there to see that. The blood spray must have been great to see, dood!"
"Don't mind him, dood! I mean, he gets REAAAALLY excited over, like, massacres and stuff." Bonnie tugged on Gonzales's scarf in an attempt to calm him down, or at least get him to stop talking.
"Well, I guess it was alright. I think we missed a few stragglers, but I think we beat enough senseless so that they won't be rebuilding anytime soon." Tina smiled as the two prinnies ordered bowls of ramen and asked them, "So, what brings you out here today, you guys?"
Gonzales slurped down his bowl of soup in a jiffy, replying with a mouth full of noodles, "Just boring chores and all, dood. Getting groceries and getting take-out here. Nothing exciting like beating up people..."
Bonnie nudged her fellow prinny slightly and added, "Master Gluttony is feeling pretty lazy today, that silly billy dood! That, and he heard that thieves are on the prowl, and that Prinnies are the least likely to get robbed!"
"Nevermind us, dood. Like, I'd slit their throats in an instant!"
"Dood, you're as lazy as everybody else, you're not gonna slit anyone's throat!"
"You forget what I was in my past life, dood! I was like, a murderin' machine, dood!"
"Ooooh, so scary!" the yellow scarved prinny said with mock terror. "Like, no wonder you ran away from that giant zombie, dood! Like, he had like, NO blood to spill, so it was all boring. Oh yeah, you screamed like you were gonna pee your pants! You were going to P-E-E, and that is really funny to me~"
"Well, at least I wasn't a cheerleader who stole money from her boyfriends to fuel her anime addiction!"
"Well at least I don't run away from battle when things get tough!"
Tina stared at the two prinnies as they butt heads, glaring at each other and almost reaching for weapons in their pouches. She bopped both gently on the head before looking rather cross with both of them.
"Now you stop that, you two!" she said. "You two are great in your own ways and you shouldn't rag on each other! Besides, Reggi will take your scarves off and hurl you to the moon if you start fighting here!"
The two prinnies turned to Tina before turning away from each other with a "HMPF!" Tina laughed a little, nervous that the two would start fighting again, and pulled something out of her dress pocket: a golden pocket watch. She opened it and looked at the time, as well as a tiny portrait of her mom and dad together hastily taped onto the other side. She stared sadly at the portrait for a time before shutting it and putting it away, which caught Bonnie's attention.
"I didn't know you had one of those, dood!" she said with awe. "Like, old fashioned pocket watches are like, SOOOO hard to come by here, dood! Nevermind gold ones like that! So preeetty!"
Tina smiled and replied, "Yeah. It's my good luck charm! I keep it with me always. It's a momento of my mom and dad, who died a long time ago. It still works, too!"
"Ooooh, you never told us about your family, dood! What were they like? Were they nice or something? I like nice people a whole lot!"
"Don't we all?" The succubus thought for a moment before replying, "Well, my mom was a really good singer. She used to sing lullabies to me when I had trouble sleeping, hum to herself when she felt really happy, and just pretty much sang spontaneously, whenever she felt like it. My dad was sort of the same way, always singing with her! He was probably the better cook, though; mom had a bad habit of putting too much salt in everything. He was also really good at drawing, making big paintings of forests and Princess Melodia that almost looked real!"
It wasn't until halfway through that Tina realized that her eyes were getting watery. Bonnie looked up with worry and asked, "Are you feeling okay, Miss Tina?"
"I... I just miss them a lot, that's all," Tina said. "It's been forever since I've seen them, and now I can't even see them anymore, you know?"
The prinny nodded sagely as her companion got a box of sushi to-go, and put it away in a bag. "I know, dood! I wish you could see them again. I wish I could, too! They sound all neat-o and stuff, dood!"
"Ha, same! They were pretty great parents."
Tina took out her pocket watch again, this time to check the time. Nearly 4 'o clock. Scarlet and Sora would be returning soon! She stood up and turned to her prinny friends and said, "Well, it was nice seeing you guys here, but I gotta go! Maybe we can meet up at your house later?"
Bonnie turned back and replied happily, "Sure, I'm sure Master Gluttony wouldn't mind, dood! Like, he acts all scary and stuff, but I think he's just L-O-N-E-L-Y~"
Gonzales stood up , holding the bag in his flipper and asked, "Mind if we come along with ya for a little bit, dood? Nico Nico's in the direction of your house, anyway."
"Sure, why not? I might be able to find something Sora will like there while I'm at it!"
The trio left the sushi bar, Tina beginning to hum to herself until someone bumped into her, nearly pushing her onto the ground. "Sorry about that!" he said before bowing down. Tina noticed the thief had dirty blonde hair hidden under a red and white bandana, along with dirty overalls and a few teeth missing from his mouth. "Didn't mean ta bump inta ya like that, missy!"
"O-oh, it's fine," Tina replied, but he had just zipped away, back into the crowds of the shopping district. "That was weird, he didn't even wait..."
Bonnie poked her succubus friend hard, eyes wide with shock. "Dood!" she cried. "Check your pockets, dood! Check them, fast!"
"What do you mean, 'check the-'"
She reached into her dress pocket, only for her skin to become as white as the dress she wore.
The pocket watch... her momento...
It was gone.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
A Demon's Grand Adventure: CHOOSE THE STAGES!
Hey everybody! Things may be linear in Super Mario World, but not in Super Satoshi World! Not this time, anyway! Satoshi and the others are clearly going to kick ass, but the big question is, in what order? They can't seem to remember, and so...
Time to SELECT YOUR TARGET!
I will let you guys decide the first two bosses to take on, voting for which ones should be defeated first, possibly explaining your reasoning (weakness cycle, anyone?), and so on! Simple enough, right? You get to have two votes each, and be sure to comment on the blog post so I can actually see what you have to say! I wanted to get some interaction going and see if I can pull things out of my ass and stuff.
And for your selection, here are the bosses!
Time to SELECT YOUR TARGET!
I will let you guys decide the first two bosses to take on, voting for which ones should be defeated first, possibly explaining your reasoning (weakness cycle, anyone?), and so on! Simple enough, right? You get to have two votes each, and be sure to comment on the blog post so I can actually see what you have to say! I wanted to get some interaction going and see if I can pull things out of my ass and stuff.
And for your selection, here are the bosses!
Devil Forest: Marquis "Rover" roams over this forest of illusion and trickery, terrifying all of the lesser demons with howls that echo throughout. A Cu Sith that will stop at nothing to kill whoever stands in its way, using its immense speed and the blade on his head to cut enemies to pieces.
Jungle of the Damned: Marchioness Farion lurks deep within the tangle of vines, raising an army of Alraunes from the soil in preparation for taking over the entirety of Relgion. Plants come to life in this mysterious jungle to stop any and all intruders from getting from this mad mistress. All who meet her meets their end with thorns in their sides or cut down by a storm of petals.
Tunnel of Love: Lady Jessica really, really, really digs love. Maybe a bit too much, devoting an entire cavern to it in an attempt to attract human men and use them as her slaves. Carnival attractions are all over the place, as well as fellow succubi seducing the populace. Can anyone survive her sexy, hypnotic stare? No girls allowed~
Dead Sea: Viscount Vicks defends the seas and sinks ships from below before helping himself to a meal from those unfortunate people. Sea demons and other such creatures are becoming more and more aggressive, even against those that come to enjoy the local beaches! All who try facing him end up with their bodies floating up towards the surface with serious wounds similar to those given by chainsaw blades.
Ol' Hans' Gymnasium: Black Belt Kisandra wants YOU to get fit! And if you talk shit, she'll MAKE you get fit! She doesn't believe she's strong enough for the Dark Council's liking, so here she is, using her fellow demons as punching bags for practice! Lighting fast punches and kicks are everyone's true terror! Hope you're ready for your fitness tests!
Golden Manor: Apparently, Greed's out, and Lord Hamhan has come to play and use his manor as a prop for his schemes! Imps desperately try to keep the messy manor all tidy and neat, but it isn't helped when the Lord makes everything quake with every step! He's gathering all the money he needs to buy all the weaponry the Dark Council needs for its diabolical plans! Careful, his stomps are strong enough to make the earth cry!
In addition, for the FIRST TWO stages, you get to choose who goes where! They will go in teams of two (well, technically) to handle the bosses you think they can handle! And for those who just so happened to stumble on my blog and have no fucking clue who they are, well, here are our four protags!
SATOSHI NAKAMURA, DEMON OF FIRE AND ICE
A cunning demon who uses two opposing elements, as well as the power of light, to deal with anyone who is causing an issue. A bounty hunter who slew the previous Dark Council head without a second thought. Dislikes teamwork, as he believes his allies would be a hinderance. He has been gone for the last several years due to disappearing into a void only known as Limbo, and has just recently returned in time to catch yet another criminal and end up in the Dark Council's sights.
I guess you could call him the Mario of the group, as he's pretty average and actually not as strong as some of the demons of his clan could be.
SCARLET, BLOODY, BEAUTIFUL BUFFCUBUS
Another bounty hunter and succubus who denied the normal ways of succubi in order to prove that they, too, can be as powerful as other demons can. She copied essentially all of her spells from this woman she knew from anime, although nobody tells her up front about that. With blood red hair and armor as dark as midnight, she boasts quite some attack power and defensive power, although she is relatively slower than some of her allies. Hates missing out on fights, as fighting is essentially her lifeblood at this point. Doesn't particularly hate the Dark Council, but hey, they provide a sufficient challenge!
While slow, she does boast a lot of versitility with her armors, as she can change her armor and weapons to better fit the situation. She is more of a physical fighter, however.
TINA HARMONIA, NUNCCUBUS WITH A GUN..CCUBUS
Scarlet's fellow succubus. She went to school to learn the forbidden magic, White Magic, so she could help others. Also for accounting. Don't ask. Cheerful, although she's quick to anger, especially if you hurt cute things or her friends or are generally a jerk. A giant dork who enjoys spending time with others and uses her magic to aid others. She also has a collection of guns for her own use, so that if someone is a reaaally big jerk, she can pump them full of dakka so they can die. Fast. And this is on top of the other succubus abilities to shift into a spear (weird, huh?), drain others of magic, do hip drops, and generally be seductive. Even though it's a bit hard to be seductive when you're usually in white mage clothing.
Generally weak attack power, but she has incredible range and the ability to, I dunno, mitigate damage and heal herself and others. Really frail, though, if she can't get barriers up in time.
LORD GLUTTONY, THE WORLD DEVOURER
One of the Seven Sins, and possibly the one who gets out of the house the most. He boasts an army of demons, a ton of money, and incredible ability, enough so that the Dark Council shouldn't even mess with him. However, after he took a bite out of one of their members, they were rather persistant, and he really didn't want to deal with it. A lover of food, he will eat anything that is edible. He's more selfish than the others, rarely doing anything without getting something in return. A terrifying power lurks within his heart, although some may say it might be restrained... for now.
While his power varies depending on how recently he ate and how much he ate, he can boast a lot of versitility, depending on who he takes a bite on. He has the ability to copy the abilities of other monsters he eats, among other things. What never fades is his incredible magical ability, with a spell for most occasions.
Oh yes, Gluttony has two prinnies with him. Are they Pencil Prinny and Dairy Prinny? What names will I even give them? I have no idea. Just know that he brought two prinnies. They have hero scarves so they won't asplode so easily... Gluttony cares for them that much, at least.
EDIT: One's a dood, ones a doodette. Their names are Gonzales and Bonnie. They are not Pencil Prinny or Dairy Prinny.They'll probably end up important in some dumb way later.
Oh yes, Gluttony has two prinnies with him. Are they Pencil Prinny and Dairy Prinny? What names will I even give them? I have no idea. Just know that he brought two prinnies. They have hero scarves so they won't asplode so easily... Gluttony cares for them that much, at least.
EDIT: One's a dood, ones a doodette. Their names are Gonzales and Bonnie. They are not Pencil Prinny or Dairy Prinny.
I think that's everything. Feel free to ask questions as they arise and get to votin! You have until Sunday, November 23 to vote! Why is it such a long time? Because I'll probably be too busy for the next week. If everybody gets in their votes beforehand, well... *Shrug*
Friday, November 14, 2014
Bonus Content: Tina Voicing!
Because I am a dumb. Put your volume down for some of them, it might be a bit loud.
"THEY KIDNAPPED A LADY?"
"So i herd mammon had bebbies"
Tina lays down the SMACK DOWN
Tina wants those Six Eyed Mice really badly.
I considered doing Gluttony clips, too, but my voice is horible at male voices, nevermind Gluttony's. Smarmy ass. Oh well.
EDIT: my mic is being dumb during these recordings, terribly sorry. Quality was poor. I will seek alternatives to capture the true essence of Tina... whenever
"THEY KIDNAPPED A LADY?"
"So i herd mammon had bebbies"
Tina lays down the SMACK DOWN
Tina wants those Six Eyed Mice really badly.
I considered doing Gluttony clips, too, but my voice is horible at male voices, nevermind Gluttony's. Smarmy ass. Oh well.
EDIT: my mic is being dumb during these recordings, terribly sorry. Quality was poor. I will seek alternatives to capture the true essence of Tina... whenever
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