Friday, November 14, 2014

A Demon's Grand Adventure, Chapter 2: Come Forth, Magnificant Prinny Tank!

"M-MY MANOOOOOOOOOOR!"

 Satoshi and the others followed the source of the noise to Gluttony's room, which now had a giant hole in the side. Scarlet didn't stop to look around and instead hopped outside with Tina, Gluttony gawking at just how much damage was done. Satoshi was more curious and scanned the room a little. White walls, a TV in the corner, several dolls lined up in a row on a desk... He could hear the crunch of empty chip bags and looked down to see that he accidently stepped on one. The same chip bags were scattered over the unmade bed, and Satoshi had to wonder how the sinful demon managed to keep the house roach free.

  More pressing matters were at hand now, though. He looked out the hole and saw a young demon girl with swirly glasses, standing right on top of something. It looked just like a prinny, except a couple of things: One, it was huge, as big as the manor itself, if not a little bigger; two, it had cannons and treads, with pipes coming out of the back and spewing black smoke; and three, it had a scarf. A hero scarf.

 "Hahaha!" the little demon girl said with a grin. "It looks like my Diabolical Demon Destroying Death Tank has passed all testing, in all areas! Passed the pretty, awesome, and destructive tests with flying colors! Oooh, I get goosebumps thinking about what I can do with this!"

 Gluttony was glowering now, glaring daggers at the intruder. He yelled, "What gives you the right to even touch my lovely manor, you pipsqueak?! Do you even know who I am?!?"

 The girl looked confused for a moment before she smiled. "You're the biggest, baddest demon in this part of Relgion! The destroyer of justice! The most evil fiend of all and the Dark Council's #1 enemy, Mr. Gluttony!"

 "Well, that IS right... except for the Mister part," grumbled the dullahan before crossing his arms and yelling, "But that doesn't give you the right to use my manor for target practice!"

 "Please! I'm here for a better purpose than that," she replied with a smirk. "No... for I am the anti-thesis of evil! A delinquent among delinquents! The cutest of the cute! A genius, and the hero Relgion truly deserves!"

She began to pose dramagically to accent her sentences, much to the annoyance  of Gluttony and Satoshi. Tina and Scarlet, along with some of the Prinnies, were watching with amusement and a bag of popcorn shared between them.

 "The smartest, the best, and the Dark Council's rising star... I am the star of 100% Super Magic POP! I am Idyl, and and on today's episode, I will defeat the embodiment of sin right here and now!"

 She posed one more time, a gang of prinnies showing up behind her and throwing confetti around her. Satoshi could have sworn some of those prinnies had... weird... what were those?

 "Holy shit, she's a star and she brought her paparazzi AND her camera crew with her!" Scarlet said with a laugh. "This chick's nuts, ain't she, guys?"

 "Kinda reminds me of some other nutso," commented a Prinny. "She looked like her and always attended class and helped people out and stuff."

 "Isn't that a good thing?"

 "Not when you're a demon!"

 "Nevermind all that," Tina said, pulling out a magazine and opening it up. "I think she's wrong when she says she's the cutest of the cute! I mean, look!" She pointed to a particular page and turned to Scarlet and the Prinnies, with a particular picture...



 "The Seventh Circle wrote that Mammon just had kids about a month or so ago and they are just way too cute! Like, 300000 on a scale of one to ten! That's 3000% more cute than you can fit in!"

 Scarlet whistled, flipping through the article. "Well, I'll be damned! Never thought a greedy demon like her would stop to settle down!"

 "I know, right? Wasn't her little thing collecting valuable gemstones and clearing out gem mines and stuff?"

 "Yeah, everybody complained about that because they wanted to make jewelry, but couldn't because she was taking just about everything!"

 "Sucked. I wanted to get a diamond ring made for my ex-girlfriend back when I heard that."

 Idyl jumped down from her tank. "Give me that!" she snapped, snatching the magazine right from Tina's hands and reading. Her face became so red, so hot, one would think steam was about to come out from her ears. With a roar, she tore up the magazine and scattered the pieces, leaving Tina slack jawed and teary eyed.

 "No one is cuter than I am! No one! No one! Those gossip mags have got it all wrong! I mean..." Idyl made the cutest face she could muster, with big, wide eyes and a cute smile. "Who could deny that I'm the cutest thing in the universe, hmmm? Hmmmm~?"

  Satoshi facepalmed with a sigh and leaped out from the hole, glaring at the child demon. "Enough of this!" he hissed. "You are a part of the Dark Council's plans, aren't you?! Planning to use an innocent woman's powers for your own benefit?!"

 Idyl turned towards Satoshi and glared right back. "Yeah, so what? It's all for the good of Relgion, bringing order and peace to our world! A world full of heroes that will make a place much happier, a world without fiends like Gluttony! She won't mind once she finds out what we're using it for, will she?"

 The bounty hunter stared vacantly at the girl as she laughed and laughed and laughed. Scarlet was busy comforting Tina after the cruel loss of her magazine. Gluttony, seething with rage and gnawing angrily on a giant cupcake.

 And then, a ball of flame shot from his hands, grazing and burning the idol demon's cheek. She touched it, horrified by the small injury. And when her eyes met with Satoshi's, he said, voice cold as ice, "If you wish to bring the world to your twisted sense of order, then I have no choice but to kill you where you stand. This is your first and final warning: Leave, and be spared. Stay, and you die."

 Idyl's face turned red with rage before screaming, "After the crime you did to my beautiful face?! I won't show any mercy on you!" She dramatically pointed forward then and said, "Magnificant Prinny Tank! It is time to show our true power!

 The power... of JUSTICE!"

 A hole opened up where Idyl stood and she fell in before the hole was covered. The engines whirred to life, the robo flippers of the tank flapping around before the cannons took aim at Satoshi and fired upon him, launching giant energy blasts that knocked him down on his feet. With a grunt, he got back up and launched more fireballs at the tank, only for them to fizzle out upon contact and leave nothing but a small scorch mark.

 "Ooooh, I forgot to say~!" Idyl's voice boomed through an intercom. "Fire isn't really good against me~ I made this specifically fireproof so I can go through the fires of hell and come out smelling like roses at dawn!"

 "Oh yeah?" Scarlet asked with a smirk. "Then how do you feel about this?!"

 The buffcubus leaped up and summoned a hammer to her side, smashing the tank's front with it. It wobbled a little bit before backing up slowly and taking aim at Scarlet. Two gattling cannons popped from the sides and fired, only for some of the bullets to be deflected by Scarlet's armor and a barrier formed around her. Tina took to the skies and aimed her rifles at the eyes of the robot and opened fire with an angry cry. The robot tried swatting her away, but she was a fast one, darting away and keeping up the pressure.

 Satoshi was considering his options while Scarlet and Tina were distracting the Prinny Tank for now. Fire was ineffective, so that was out. He couldn't trap the area without getting a general idea of how the tank moved or fearing one of the succubi would step on it on accident, so that was out too. How to take care of the tank?

 So he formed lancelets of ice around him before sending it towards the treads, trying to break them and prevent the tank from moving. They were caught between them, only to be crushed with ease. Hm, bigger ones might be needed to jam them, but he couldn't exactly form a larger one when one of the cannons decided to open fire on him, forcing him on the defensive as he grazed by them.

 "Not such hot stuff now, are you?!" boomed Idyl again, cackling all the while. "I am an utter genius, making such a pooowerful weapon!"

 "Is this where you expect us to kiss your ass and surrender?" Scarlet asked with a frown. "Because I ain't havin that shit!"

 A vein bulged in Idyl's head as she yelled, "Hey, I'm the star of a kid's show! You can't say that sort of thing here!"

 "You say as you have a tank!"

 "Hey, violence is the only way we get our rating up!"

  Tina glared at the tank and snapped, "Well, I think you're a pretty shitty role model for kids, and that you should be taken off the air, and I hope your movie tanks in theaters!"

 "Well, you're about to get TANKED right now, you little twerp!"

 The Prinny Tank opened up the front part of its chasis, revealing yet another cannon that fired a giant laser at Tina, knocking her out of the air and crashing into one of the prinnies. Idyl cackled before firing another laser, only for Scarlet to jump in and tank it for her fellow succubus. All the cannon fire was focused on her and Satoshi now, a hail of pain and destruction. The buffcubus turned towards Gluttony, who was still enjoying his cupcake and asked, "Why the hell are you still eating? This chick destroyed part of your home and is being a general pain in the ass! Do something!"

 Gluttony took another bite of his cupcake and replied with a full mouth, "Well, you guys seem to be handling it better, so I'll leave it to you. Besides, someone has to enjoy this cupcake!"

 "You're fucking joking, aren't you?" Scarlet said with a scowl. "Your place and your friends are being trashed and you're busy stuffing your fat face with a cupcake that gives me diabetes just looking at it! What kind of friend are you?!"

 "Nobody's, of course," came the curt reply.

 Scarlet groaned before summoning a giant mace, dual wielding it with her hammer to try to smash the cannon in the middle. Satoshi had a different idea, forming an icicle and trying to jam the cannon with it. However, when they got too close, it fired again, knocking Scarlet down and completely obliterating the ice spell. Satoshi swore under his breath before getting in front of the tank and taking in a deep breath. He then exhaled, a cone of cold freezing parts of the tank and slowing it down. The tank flailed about and tried to fire, but some of them were slow enough for Satoshi to sidestep them and only be grazed.

 A smashing sound was heard over the intercom before it blared, "That's it! I've had enough of this! It's time to do the most heroic thing: CHAAAAAAAAARGE!"

 The tank treads whirred before suddenly, the tank charged forward. Scarlet grabbed Tina and Satoshi before rolling out of the way, the tank slamming into the manor and leaving a prinny-shaped hole. Gluttony was starting to lose his balance, but he was still clinging on to his cupcake like his life depended on it. When the tank tried slamming again, though, he finally lost it, his cupcake falling from his hands, ever so slowly... before falling onto the floor with a splat.

 Gluttony could only scramble to it and make pained, terrified noises as not even the five-second rule mattered. The icing was all stuck to the floor, and a cupcake without icing was merely a muffin, a breakfast treat when it was 8 at night.

 "Hahaha!" Idyl laughed, smirking from where she sat. "It seems like I have scored a critical hit on the greatest fiend of all! How's your just desserts, huh?"

 Gluttony said nothing. He only stood up, face hidden by darkness as he turned towards the tank.

 "You wasted my cupcake," he said, voice vacant. "I was just about to finish it."

 "Should have finished it sooner! Then agaaaain..."

Satoshi could have sworn she had a devious grin now, from the way she spoke.

 "You're gonna be finished in a second~! Just give me a minute to gloat!"

Scarlet, Tina, and Satoshi stared blankly at the tank, then turned over to Gluttony, a sullen expression etched into his face.

 Then he laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed, sending chills down their spines. Over the intercom, Idyl asked, "What's so funny? You're about to lose, here!"

 The demon couldn't help but laugh a little more before saying cheerfully, "Oh, nothing, nothing at all! I just find it funny that here I was, enjoying a treat and sparing you from my wrath when you had the gall to attack! To waste such a precious treat! Oh, it's just too funny, it is~!"

 He giggled a little more before he added, a mischevious smile on his face and two indigo, arm-like apendages appeared from his back, "I'll be enjoying your cute little body over an open fire after I tear you to pieces~!"

"Wha-" was all Idyl could manage to get out when Gluttony leaped from his room onto the cannon jutting out from the middle of the chasis. He grabbed it and pulled with all his might, using his arms and his appendages to pull. There was the sound of metal twisting and bending before the cannon snapped right off, the sin falling onto the ground and now carrying the cannon in his hands. While Idyl gawked at the damage, Scarlet and Tina took advantage of this to attack with mace and rifle, respectively. Dents and scratches were becoming bigger and bigger, the Tank spinning in place before trying to use the other cannons to attack all four of the demons at once.

 Satoshi was on the move, but he saw an opportunity in shooting in that new hole in the chasis. With the tank twirling around like a prinny on a sugar rush, though, it would be difficult. So he settled with unleashing a cone of cold breath at the treads, sprouting wings on his back and flying around and around the tank while he did so. The tank became slower and slower until the treads froze up completely, leaving it completely immobilized. Just in time for Scarlet to swing her weapons and an angry Gluttony to swing the cannon right at the Prinny Tanks' sides, leaving massive indents that Idyl couldn't help but cry about.

 "M-my precious tank!" she wailed. "You're hurting my Magnificant Magical Prinny Tank!"

 "Not sure why you're surprised when you picked a fight with us," Tina said bluntly before taking out her gattling gun and firing at the dents, trying to make a new hole to attack.

 "No kidding," Scarlet agreed. "You tore up Tina's mag and you knocked over Gluttony's cupcake. That's kind of asking for heel heat!"

 "B-but I'm the hero of this show!" Idyl yelled. "The hero! You're the heels in this case! The bad guys, the evildoers, the villains! And heroes always win!"

 "Then perhaps you should consider that maybe, just maybe, you are not the protagonist of this particular episode."

 Satoshi was right in front of the hole, holding up his hand up as it glowed a bright orange, flames beginning to surround it.  An audible gulp came across the intercom before Idyl laughed nervously. "Didn't you forget?" she taunted. "You can't hurt me with fire! No way, Jose! Your brain is all cooked up if you're trying that again!"

 Satoshi stared before a sly smile formed on his lips.

 "On the outside, certainly. But what about the inside, hm?"

 The bounty hunter unleased a torrent of flames right into the center, right into the heart of the tank. Tina saw what he was doing and added in her gunfire, while Scarlet was content to just watch. The tank flailed as it turned from blue to yellow to orange and finally to red as it began to steam over from the pressure, electrical sparks flying off from it. Tina and Satoshi didn't stop, keeping up the pressure, with a little help from Gluttony launching a fiery spell of his own. The tank became a brighter and brighter shade of red before it began to smoke.

 The tank, unable to handle the heat, exploded with brilliant white light, sending all that manned it flying about. Scraps of metal fell around the area, the only in-tact remains of the tank being the frozen over treads. And out from the skies, screaming in horror, came Idyl, smashing into her face. She sat up and sniffled before breaking into an all out wail, crying her little eyes out. "I was supposed to be the hero!" she said. "My time to shine! And... and you meanies went and ruined it! Ruined my reptutation, my show, my tank... Everything!"

  Satoshi walked over to her and grabbed her by the collar, hissing in her ear, "Enough. Tell us where those with the keys to the headquarters are, and leave nothing out. I don't have time for any more of your foolishness."

 "B-but they told me not to-"

 "You're dying either way, child," the bounty hunter growled, "so you're better off dying saying something useful. Now out with it!"

 The little girl sniffled more before saying, "There's six of them, all over the place... the Dark Council's dog is in the Devil Forest... Farion is in the Jungle of the Damned, making more Alraunes... I heard Lady Jessica's making a diabolical Tunnel of Love... The Dead Sea has Vicks, that kappa guy... In Ol' Hans' Gymnasium, Kisandra's training and stuff... and.. and in the Golden Manor, Lord Hamhan's just waiting to get a taste of whoever comes in and stuff! Only when you beat them-"

 Satoshi tossed the girl at Gluttony's feet. "All I needed to know. You got all of it, Scarlet?"

 "Loud and clear!" Scarlet replied with a grin. "And I happen to know where all those places are! Nice, ain't it?"

 "Before we go, though," Tina said, "We should probably rest up." She then turned to Gluttony and asked, "So, um... Lord Gluttony! Mind if we stay at your place for now? I mean, we're already here, so..."

 "Knock yourselves out... for now," replied the sin, who whipped up a bib and tied it around his neck before staring at Idyl with a hungry look.

 "You heard the man, let's find us a bed in this place!"


And so the trio went back into the manor for a well deserved rest, while Idyl was staring death in the face. My, Mr. Gluttony certainly looked...bigger when he was right front of her. The cameras were still rolling, weren't they? Oh dear. She should do something about that.

 Before she could turn around and bark orders at the cameramen, Gluttony grabbed her and pointed to the cameras, a cheery smile on his face. "Hello, Dark Council and friends~" he said cheerfully, a silly grin on his face. "I'm Lord Gluttony, of the Seven Sins~ And today, I'll show you the proper way to eat a magical girl hero! They're usually so sickeningly sweet, aren't they? Well, if sweet isn't your thing, please avoid eating magical girl guts at all costs, because they are chock full of sugar and spice and everything nice! Oh, before I do that, I should make a little shout out to the Dark Council! Here I goooo~!"

 Idyl could only whimper pathetically as Gluttony's  voice became disturbingly low and terrifying. For a moment, she swore that the appendages behind him became... bigger... and that he sprouted three extra, menacing eyes.

 "Today, you made the worst enemies you possibly could have made. Enjoy the next few days of your terrible, miserable lives, because they'll be coming to an end sooner than you think."

And in an instant, he became cheery again and said, "Bon appetit~"

Idyl could hardly make a peep before she felt her head crushed between jaws.

And all she could see... was darkness.

1 comment:

  1. Idyl was a fun and cool idea for a single story character, and I quite enjoyed Gluttony standing off to the side at first being all "whatever dude, you guys got this covered, nom"

    ReplyDelete